Is reaction seeking and attention seeking behavior the same thing?

YoungSalmon33 · 2014-06-06T17:49:36+00:00

TL/DR: Actions generate reactions. That's how communication works. What's important is being able to take actions without NEEDING a certain reaction for validation.

I'm new to this but I'll offer my understanding and maybe you'll find it useful.

This advice "don't expect a reaction" has to do with being fundamentally confident in yourself (being less invested in what others think of you than what you think of yourself). Think of Mark Manson's True Confidence. It also is related to being outcome independent, meaning that you are acting in a way you feel is right regardless of the outcomes that your actions may generate (example: being willing to make a joke without caring if the person laughs or not. Your willingness to take action (the joke) does not depend on the other persons reaction (them finding your joke funny)).

Without knowing what the context of this advice is, when I see "don't expect a reaction" I interpret that to mean "don't let a certain reaction affect your action/decision/opinion".

I think you are focusing on this too literally. Of course in human interactions there is a back and forth. Person A says something and person B responds. Actions and reactions are fundamental to human interaction.

The goal is not, as you said, to completely gut out not WANTING to get a response. Instead it is about removing NEEDING to get a response. The goal is to get to a state of mind where you can take actions/make statements/make jokes/express opinions without needing to get a certain reaction to validate those actions. YOU validate YOUR OWN actions. Do you you think this joke/opinion is appropriate? If yes then do it.

What do you think about that? Does what I said answer your question at all? Like I said, I'm new to this scene (I've just started reading Models by Mark Manson). I'd appreciate any thoughts.

Edit: Typos

Tombstone31 · 2014-06-06T19:41:08+00:00

You're confusing "approval seeking behavior" and being "non-reactive". The former basically means not trying to impress someone, whether it be through bragging or supplication. The latter basically means, don't base all of your self-esteem on whether or not a girl likes you. That way, if she does something that would mess with your head or your confidence, you either just ignore it or walk away.

sedditseddit · 2014-06-06T22:29:35+00:00

Basically, you expect a good reaction, but if you don't get one, you don't get butthurt. Intent + freedom from outcome, as they call it.

Like, say you go buy an iPad but the Apple store is sold out. Yeah it kinda sucks, but it's not like you're gonna go all crazy and cry and be all butthurt about it. (not that women are comparable to iPads and blah blah blah you know what I mean)

Title	Is reaction seeking and attention seeking behavior the same thing?
Author	sedditseddit
Upvotes	3
Comments	6
Date	June 6, 2014 4:16 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/27h9wi/is_reaction_seeking_and_attention_seeking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-reaction-seeking-and-attention-seeking-behavior.1301680 https://theredarchive.com/post/1301680

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