How to MAINTAIN Confidence? Mine constantly fluctuates

sdf1 · 2014-12-20T00:14:00+00:00

Ask yourself: What is your confidence based on? For many guys, their confidence (and even self-worth) is tied to being social and talking to girls. Makes sense, right? When that's the goal, that's what you end up judging yourself on. This can be great at times. Say you start off a night feeling social, and you have a few great conversations. Your confidence builds off of each interaction, and all of a sudden you're riding that high for the rest of the night. This is what people call being "in state".

But there's a downside. You can't control every interaction. Say you work up the courage to talk to some girl and she brushes you off. This could be for a million reasons. Maybe she had a bad day at work, maybe her dog is sick and she doesn't feel like being social, or maybe she just isn't interested. No matter the reason, this one negative interaction shakes you. You begin to doubt yourself, to question yourself, to overthink everything. And all of a sudden, your confidence is in the toilet. You know, logically, there's no reason this one interaction should affect you, but it does. When your confidence is tied to external results, it will fluctuate based on elements out of your control.

Instead, your confidence should be anchored internally. Your self-worth should never be tied to how others treat you, but rather things that excite you about yourself. This could be anything:

You've been working out for a month straight.
You just proposed a brilliant solution to a problem at work.
You just ran a half marathon.
You read a great book last week.
You're learning piano in your free time.
You picked up stamp collecting.
You've tried every restaurant in the city.
You can eat a girl out like a champ.

But even if Stacy flakes on your date, these things will not change!

Mefsha5 · 2014-12-19T17:48:02+00:00

I honestly believe this is the norm with most people.

I ask my self "How comfortable are you right now?" plenty of times.. when it's a hell yes, I commend myself and get a stupid grin on my face. When it's a No, I remind myself that I should be and nothing is really worth fretting over.

Pit_Sweat · 2014-12-19T18:03:50+00:00

It might be deep rooted with family issues or something because I feel I can't be myself around them but can be myself around my friends and strangers

Firstly, I would like to say that this is totally me. I think it comes from the fact that I wasn't able to truly find myself and come out of my shell until I left home for the first time, and so when I go back to being around those people it's like a part of me reverts back to my quiet self because that's what's expected of me, from them.

Secondly, I think you answered your own question. Stop being in your head so much and practice being in the moment. You have to learn to let go and trust yourself - trust that you'll be able to come up with the right thing to say because you've done this so many times that it's engrained in your subconscious mind. And trust me, it is. I've found that my most awkward interactions are those in which I am consciously trying to be smooth, whereas when I let go, I am often surprised at the things that come out of my mouth (in a good way).

Avicenna1 · 2014-12-19T18:16:53+00:00

No sarcasm, i pretend to myself that i'm batman. Or rather, bruce wayne. Automatically, i feel more important and more powerful than everyone else. After rehearsing this persona it comes naturally.

doveenigma13 · 2014-12-19T18:20:19+00:00

Keep going. Fake it til you make it.

ImJustSo · 2014-12-19T20:37:48+00:00

I can't relate with the confidence aspect, because I don't experience the decline in confidence that you're describing. I do experience the lack and decline of sociality though.

Sometimes I'm clever, funny, and the perfect words flow out of me to make others attracted to my presence. Other times, I don't feel like expressing myself, my thoughts aren't clear, and my mood is more introspective. Basically, I just don't get into the mood to be the fun guy.

I don't let my lack of outward personality affect my confidence though. I just acknowledge that others will see me being less expressive, less outgoing, and still see that fun guy being more quiet than they're used to me being. I've noticed that others will work for my attention or ask about my aloofness. They will often become insecure about themselves and let's face it, an insecure person will generally make your role easier.

AlexBr88 · 2014-12-20T16:06:22+00:00

Condition yourself to feel good regardless of other peoples' reactions. I went out this Thursday to a small predominantly Asian club, and got rejected by approximately 15 girls straight. But at the end of the night I felt great about myself, and my buddies respected me. You know why? Because I am the only one with the balls to not give a shit. Find what makes you feel good and do that. Figure out what makes you feel anxious - and get into those situations as much as possible. Overwhelm yourself with that anxiety until its past your breaking point while acting as if. Im 26 and when I was in high school I remember going to a teen club and getting rejected by 30 girls in a row and oddly enough that night changed everything because I no longer care about rejection. That being said, I've been with countless super hotties and all my friends can tell you that I am extremely successful with women. SO get out of your shell and get over yourself. It takes courage and strength but it will take you to a higher level.

maxtheman45 · 2014-12-19T20:46:17+00:00

You should track and segment your confidence by time of day, level of sobriety, pre-and-post confidence inducing activities (exercise, food, recreation, work), and environment and run a data analysis. If there are patterns in the data, only talk to women during your peak confidence hours, and focus on self-development and inner game during the others.

edwardhwhite · 2014-12-20T03:07:48+00:00

Also posture makes you feel better. Stand up straight.

oleku · 2014-12-19T20:47:03+00:00

Firstly, the fact that you can be super confident is great. I feel as though confidence does fluctuate, but you can always fake confidence (when you're not confident) till you are confident

Get_Stamosed · 2014-12-19T23:57:47+00:00

Im the exact same way..

masterrod · 2014-12-20T00:24:19+00:00

You're deluding yourself by presupposing confidence. Confidence is just courage personified. So, instead of saying to yourself "I x.." Say, "I'm open to anything that will happen, and still i'm going to to X". X must be an action

You must accept that mistakes, failure, and bad things I will happen. What you must know, and believe is that you will handle them as they come. That's confidence.

zero-irony · 2014-12-19T22:27:01+00:00

Stop fapping.

Rx_Love · 2014-12-19T22:23:54+00:00

No one is hyper-confidant all the time. That doesn't sound like a healthy person. You're probably just introspective, take the confidence when you get it and use it as best you can.

Roniada · 2014-12-19T22:27:00+00:00

For me, whenever i'm exercising my confidence goes through the roof. But then at other times, i feel like the quietest person alive.

ithearrow · 2014-12-20T00:34:59+00:00

Base your happiness off yourself, not off other people. Although life will sometimes get to you at times, always seek approval from within not from out. Write down the advantages/disadvantages of seeking approval from within rather than without if you want to see why its better.

edwardhwhite · 2014-12-20T03:07:08+00:00

Fake it when it isn't happening. I'm in a chorus and we had our concert tonight. I really wasn't feeling it today and the dress pants I wore are saggy and ill-fitting because I've lost a lot of weight recently. I bumped into the only really attractive woman in the choir and even though I wasn't feeling well, I turned on the eye flirting machine right away. Within seconds she locked eyes with me and began touching me a bunch of times and we had barely said 2 words all year. My confidence went right back up after that.

SiXXEros · 2014-12-21T23:17:15+00:00

Create physical anchors. I have two major ones I use throughout my day. First, I rub my thumb and forefinger together and remember times I've been in pure ecstasy (125+ on my bike, skydiving, military triumphs, powerlidtimg success, etc). It always brings me back to my center.

Another is a breathing meditation that has astounding and immediate effects. Essentially, I do ab vacuums and force extremely deep inhalations and exhalation while standing against a wall. I feel my posture settle into perfection while focusing my entire presence into my diaphragm. Navel to spine. Then I imagine a hand slightly pulling from the apex of my skull, laying me to complete rest against the wall. Afterwards my body feels so amazing that it's like walking on air.

foxanon · 2014-12-22T20:52:27+00:00

My confidence level usually shakes due to stress. Recently I've been stressed with moving into a new apartment. That's been weighing on my mind and has shaken mine. Does it stop me from going out? No I still do even when I don't want to. I still have great nights and enjoy my time with my friends.

Title	How to MAINTAIN Confidence? Mine constantly fluctuates
Author	sedditseddit
Upvotes	97
Comments	28
Date	December 19, 2014 5:34 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2psz1d/how_to_maintain_confidence_mine_constantly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-maintain-confidence-mine-constantly.1381159 https://theredarchive.com/post/1381159

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