My Nightmare Experience Dating a Sociopath

Now I need some answers as this relationship story is pretty long and sometimes I doubt myself and wonder whether I was the one who blew it.

So thus begins my long story spanning several years about my experience dating a woman who turned out to be a charming yet deceitful sociopath.

I met her when she started working at the same place I do about five years ago. She was a charming blonde who was dating another fellow coworker. For privacy sake let’s just refer to her as Mel. They seemed pretty happy together and had been dating for over a year before he suddenly broke up with her and started self harming. I literally watched over the course of a year as he turned from a pretty sociable popular guy to becoming an emo and self harming before quitting the company. Sources close to him all stated that he had become paranoid and dumped her because he suspected her for cheating but could never prove it.

Fast forward and year and she had somehow developed a fetish for asian men and had been in a relationship with a Japanese fellow for a year. That was when I hooked up with her. It was one night after work when we began chatting and eventually conversation led to her asking me for a lift home which I obliged. Funnily I was asian as well. We continued to talk outside her apartment and eventually we began making out. This of course led to sex and we fooled around for 2 months having sex roughly twice a week often sneaking out of work late so we could shag about. Things moved very fast and I began developing feelings for her and things went outside the bedroom and soon we were properly dating and we began going out as a couple quite often. All the while she was still with her boyfriend.

She would shit talk her boyfriend relentlessly saying how he was boring and passive and beta and didn’t meet her needs while I would bang her brains out for hours on end at a time. She told me she loved me and would send sweet texts to me all the time and tell my how good I was whenever she could. When I explained I was falling for her was when she started turning cold and distant. She wouldn’t return my calls/texts and make excuses for being busy etc. you know the usual. At one point she explained that her long time internet friend was visiting our city and she needed a week off from me to show him around town. He was apparently a Japanese school teacher who was in his mid thirties (we were in our mid twenties). At the same time she dumped her devoted and loyal Japanese boyfriend who she’d been cheating on this entire time with me.

I kind of suspected something was going on but didn’t pursue it further since I had dumped her shortly after due to her flakiness. Six months later I learned they had become a couple due to a workplace Facebook group where I saw her profile. I called her up and she pretty much confirmed she had been banging this guy. So I guess she cheated on her boyfriend and then cheated on me.

Fast forward two years and she was relentlessly trying to flirt with me and making eyes with me at work all the while I ignored her. This happened for a year until I decided to put all the bad blood behind us. In between when I hooked up with until three years later she had dated a countless number of guys all of them being asian except for one exception who was a coworker although she admitted to me that was a brief fling due to him lasting less than a minute in the sack.

Anyway I was having a fling with another coworker which made her exceptionally jealous and at that time she started having longer conversations with me and working overtime with her charm and even befriending me. I guess you get over shit after three years right?

At one point she told me she was moving to Japan for five years for work and study and that she’d only be working at our company for another 3 months or so. Since we were pretty much friends at that point I asked her out to dinner which she agreed.

One thing led to another and one night she texted me and and I agreed to have her over my place. Of course we had sex that night and the night after and the night after that and soon we were pretty much shagging every day to the point where she just decided to move in since she was over every day. She apologised for three years ago and said she had changed so much since then. In her own words she “used to be a lying cheating bitch” but she was completely different now. I guess all the sex went to my head and after a week of banging daily she asked me to be her boyfriend and I thought heck why not. My willpower was quite weak when she proposed a relationship as you could probably guess.

Over the next two months we were in a relationship and the sex was constant and daily and she’d flatter me to no end telling me I was the best she’d ever had and that she’d often fantasise about me over those past three years. She even cried one time about how she’d wasted so many years not reciprocating my feelings way back when. She would talk about having children with me, getting married once she came back from Japan etc. Funnily enough she even introduced me to her mother and sister.

During the bedroom talk we shared many candid details. The facts she told me about herself should have been a huge red flag during this time. These facts are:

  1. She had dated a much younger Korean guy for a few months who got her pregnant so she had an abortion
  2. She studied mechanical engineering for a year but dropped out
  3. She got engaged to a Japanese mechanical engineer who tutored her during that year but broke up with her when he went to Japan for work because she kept hasseling him to help with her course
  4. She had a fake marriage with a Korean man who offered her $20,000 and a free apartment to live in the CBD in exchange for a visa. Apparently he never paid the $20,000 and disappeared but still got the visa
  5. She had cervical cancer (so I don’t know what she was on about when she talked about having children with me)
  6. Her father abused her as a child and cheated on her mother and she hated him
  7. She had flings with at least seven other of my coworkers over the past several years she had worked with me but they were all brief

That last point seems quite sleazy however I was in no position to talk since through mutual friends she also knew about quite a lot of the flings I had. I guess the saying goes great minds think in parallel gutters.

Anyway the dreaded time came for her to leave the country and she promised she would be back after one year. I drove her to the airport and said our farewells and she even cried at the airport. I took that as a sign she was genuinely in love with me. Literally a month after she left I decided to plan a trip to Japan to see her and she organised the tickets and accomodation and even agreed to pay half of the cost of the hotel.

The week I spent in Japan was very off putting. She was no longer the loving sweet girl I knew but a cold and manipulative bitch. She with held the sex so much that in the ten days I was there we had sex maybe four times. All the affection she showed was forced and the whole trip I felt like an unwelcome guest. She tried to make me jump through hoops such as not allowing me to show affection in public, telling me I wasn’t allowed to drink alcohol while I was there and constantly bragging about how she could get any man in the country because she was a blonde white girl and telling me I needed to compete with them.

Also her personality had changed drastically. It was like she was on a power trip. She would brag about how she was the smartest person in her Japanese language course and everyone else was so dumb. She would say things like: “I’m like a 5 in Australia but here I’m like an 11/10.” Everytime a guy would stare at her she would point them out to me.

By the end of the trip I was close to dumping her and she didn’t even kiss me goodbye at the train station. Of course she wouldn’t accompany me all the way to the airport at that point she was too good for me right? I came back home feeling kind of deflated but this farce of a relationship continued for a month where I would continually see Facebook posts of her hanging out with random Japanese dudes on a weekly basis.

Though once I was home she still continued to call and text me every day and tell me she loved me etc. But strangely I could only contact her during the day time and she wouldn’t be available to talk during the nights. One night though I did call her and usually when I talk with her online I can hear a lot of people and noise in the background seeing how busy Japan is. This time I talked to her it was dead silence in the background and she told me she was out drinking at a restaurant with a her friend who was an overweight beta male with a neckbeard and that I had nothing to worry about. I found it odd that there was dead silence in the background of the call on a Friday night at a restaurant in Japan. Of course a man was trying to talk to her in the background in Japanese.

I kind of put two and two together and figured she was having a one night stand at a hotel or something. I don’t think that’s a very paranoid call to make. But the huge alarm bell was that she said she was about to head home and she’d be taking the subway. That was when the huge alarm bells truly went off in my head. Now it was about 2 am where I was at and the time difference is an hour making it 1 am in Tokyo. When I visited her in Tokyo we always had to be on the last subway train before midnight because that was when they closed the subway. She knew more than anyone since she was always the one urging us to get back to the hotel before midnight.

Without messing around I texted her confronting her about that glaring fact and the quietness in the call and that’s when she became angrily abusive for the first time I’d ever known her. Her response was basically something like: “I don’t need to fucking justify myself to you fuck off.” That kind of shocked me since she’d never talk like that to me ever.

The next two days she went completely silent and distant on me and I already knew it was time to move on. I sent her a final message saying we should take a break and she responded by sending me a long breakup text and then blocking me on every single platform eg. Facebook, phone, Line etc. The text seemed pretty civil and polite and went something like: “I can’t handle you at your worst so I don’t deserve you at your best. Thanks for the memories.” It wasn’t nasty it was just so matter of fact.

The same night I got that text I asked the prettiest girl I knew out to dinner and now I’ve been dating her for over a year and she’s literally both drop dead gorgeous and one of the nicest people I know. Seeing as I lived with her for about eight months now she’s also my best friend I feel much more secure.

Two months after Mel had broken up with me and blocked me our mutual friends told me she was dating a new guy. I was shown a picture and coincidentally he was an overweight guy with glasses and a neckbeard and about seven years younger than her. Also I was told that she’d moved in with him. I wasn’t really surprised at this point. Also it sucks having about fifty mutual friends with an ex.

Fast forward a year after my ex girlfriend left for Japan she’s suddenly returned and she’s broke, gained weight and failed her course so she had to leave. She burned through her savings that the dodgy Korean guy never paid her. So naturally she went back to the same place I worked and now we’re coworkers again. In the first month she came back she followed me relentlessly and stared at me lovingly for long periods of time so much so that my supervisors pointed it out to me. She’s made several attempts to sit with me during our breaks. Basically the same behaviours she showed after we broke up the first time. I sent her a message to her public Facebook page since you can’t really block people if you run a public page the kind that businesses run. I told her to leave me the fuck alone and left it at that.

Now, not to toot my own horn but I own two houses, a six digit bank balance, live in a four bedroom two bathroom house with my girlfriend and nobody else, collect as much money in rental income per week as I do working at my job full time and generally have all my shit together. And here I was faced with a broke thirty year old woman with no degrees or qualifications and nothing else to show for it barely getting rostered any shifts with a very long history of lying and cheating and no chance of having children. I guess any feelings I’d ever had for her evaporated pretty quickly.

The next few weeks she became super passive aggressive and avoided me at work at great lengths even going so far to sit on opposite sides of the room from me. I thought the behaviour was quite entertaining. A week after that she dated a guy from work that she’d basically joked about not finding attractive at all when we used to sleep together. Her own words were: “apparently this dweeb has a huge crush on me but he’s so deep in the friendzone.” She used to openly joke about his virginity while he tried to court her. Also he’s about six years younger than her. So it was quite strange to see that now they were in a relationship together after I slammed the door on her. Also I don’t think the overweight boyfriend in Japan knows she’s dating a new guy.

Right now all I feel is a kind of sad indifference for her and extreme pity for the new guy who is going to have his life basically ruined. And it’s especially concerning because recently I’ve seen her after work leaving with one of the new asian coworkers and their body language conveys that they aren’t just going out for food at 4 am in the morning.

So I felt I had to write this and put it down in words because I’ve been quiet on the entire matter for a very long time. And now I have to sit around and watch her systematically go around doing what she did to me to every guy around her. All the while many of her friends still think she’s this awesome charming girl with a huge string of angry ex boyfriends but somehow all of them were either crazy or unstable or womanizers. It’s never her fault. So I guess in the end she was still a lying cheating bitch after all.

In the end my questions are:

Was I paranoid? Was I the one wrong in all this? Is she messed up in the head? Did I just date a sociopath? I want to move on mentally so why do I still suffer?

tl;dr

Girl I dated on and off for 4 years cheated on me twice and continues to keep date a string of different men and cheat on them but sometimes I feel like I did something wrong by being too paranoid.