Reddit’s dicking around on us, so I’m typing this up in my Word Processor.

So, for all of you who don’t know, this is The Story of Literati and Flashmob Girl P2.

Yesterday (which was Tuesday, in case Reddit doesn’t get its shit together before tomorrow [which is Thursday]), FMG texts me: “Do you like reggae?”

Basically, she was going to nickname me Matisyahu, but I said that (although I dig him) I don’t dig the name. We fluff about how she wants to give me a nickname, and we go through Mortal Kombat characters for names. I say Dhalsim is a pimp, and I should be Dhalsim. Blahblahblah. I call her Goro, Mileena, eventually Ermac. I’m Cyrax. She’s never going to fucking call me Cyrax.

Fluffluffluff, I say I’m taking a shower, then when I’m done say goodnight.

This afternoon I text her that some chick texted me “:->:o8-|>:o8-|>:o” and I have no idea what the fuck that means. She has no idea, I ask her if she’s doing anything awesome or if I’m the only one sitting on my ass eating pizza. (I realize this wouldn’t normally be good in the incipient stages of a pickup, but it was fine here). She’s playing Wii, I say she’s a loser for playing games alone, she says she’s bored as fuck with school and wants to ditch class. I pick up on the hint and say “Ditch it, yo! School is for SQUARES.”

She ditches and swings by my house to “scoop me up.” I have to fart, but I hold it in as I get into her car. We drive over to a big ass mall near her place and walk around for a few minutes before being approached by a dude who’s giving out free tickets to an Iron Man 2 screening. It’s 7:30, we have time to kill, so we head up to the theater. I’m fucking psyched about this; I hate paying for shit like movies, and this is quality entertainment for FREE.

I still have to fart as we enter the theater. Throughout the entire movie, we’re fiddling with each other’s hands and I occasionally pull her close and give her a quick kiss before pushing her away. Movie was fucking bomb. Still have to fart.

It’s almost 10, and she asks if I want to go home. For some reason, I’m apprehensive. I act indecisive and she mentions that there’s a purikura booth in the mall. I’ve never seen one in America, so I hop on the opportunity and we stroll over there and do some of that.

As we leave, I let out my fart. Relief.

Purikura was awesome, We’re grabbing each other’s asses and giving eachother quick kisses on the way to get back in the car. As we’re walking, I realize I’m feeling really drained and not really in the mood for sex. What the fuck? I haven’t jacked off since I fucked up last time, why am I not horny as hell? She says “So, what now? Wanna go home?”

I say, “Yeah, sure, let’s do that.” assuming that’s roughly the equivalent of “Wanna fuck?”

We drive to my place, she’s still fingering my hand with her free hand while driving. Quick kisses, etc. When we arrive at my place, she stops in the bike lane next to a parked car (but a bit ahead of an empty parking spot) and puts her emergency lights on. I realize she plans on dropping me off. I’m 100% cool with that at this point. I’ve had a great time, farted, seen a fucking awesome movie for free, and done some purikura. But, like an idiot, I kiss her and run my hand up her flowy white dress. She spreads her legs and starts tonguing me down passionately. Fuck, I’m going to have to fuck tonight.

She remarks on how many cars are whizzing past her so close (No fucking duh, you’re “parked” halfway into the street.) and I say “Wanna come up?”

She bites her lip and looks at the clock. “Gotta be somewhere? Fine with me,” I say, realizing my complete detachment from the outcome might be helping me here. She sits there contemplating as I laugh and say “This is funny.”

She says “Yeah, if I go up there, I know that I can’t really stay for that long.”

“Fine with me,” I say, shrugging and kissing her goodbye. She pulls me in and when our lips part, she says “Fuck it, I’m coming up.”

...Fuck. She parks, and we walk over to my place, grabbing asses and such. We get up to my room and I make out with her on my bed. It’s still dirty as fuck, but I can tell she doesn’t care. I rub her pussy through her panties. She goes for my belt, doesn’t know how to undo it. I stand up, take off everything but my boxers (shit, sorry guys, I knew I made a wrong move here!) and make out with her some more. Biting her neck, she tells me to bite harder. I do. Harder. I do. Moans ensure. I Let go. I really dislike biting. She’s naked now.

Remembering djadvance’s advice, I go for the fingering of her pussy. I’m not sure why, but I put my left hand in, and that was a bad idea. Not only is it weaker, but the middle finger’s nail is relatively long right now, compared to my right hand which is clean-cut. I finger with the left for a few minutes before switching to the right. She’s moaning like crazy, arching her back as her chest heaves, but I don’t think I’ve made her orgasm yet.

“Fuck me!” she moans. I groan inwardly, realizing I’m completely un-hard. I finger her some more, and as my pace slows due to fatigue, she pulls me towards her face and makes out with me, groping my crotch. I get a second wind and start fingering vigorously. She falls back on the bed and moans some more. I really can’t be sure if this is genuine or not. Perhaps she realizes my stalling tactic here.

Shiiitshitshit. After another 10 minutes or so, she’s still moaning, but suddenly stops (is this proof that she was faking it, or did she forcefully extract herself from the ecstacy?) and says, “Are we gonna fuck, or what?”

I groan and pause for a minute, my fingers still in her vagina. “Yeah, you should probably go,” I sigh, doing my best to maintain eye contact. She sits on the edge of the bed and pulls me up (I was on my knees on the floor, vigorously come-hithering) to kiss me a few times. We sit there silently for a few minutes and I chuckle.

It was when I looked at her then, sitting naked with her legs crossed on the edge of my bed, that I realized something profound. I’m not attracted to this girl at all. It was just like fidesratioque and rustoof said. I mean, we had plenty of comfort building. This girl is at least an 8.5, and the only flaws are that she’s small (not really that much a problem; I still got hard with my ex, who was shorter) and has tiny boobs (actually a lot more of a dealbreaker, they’re fucking puny and it bothers me). But she’s a dork, and is completely open about her sexuality, which are the two most attractive personality traits I can think of. She’s got a really nice ass and face, too.

I’m not sure if it’s just the boobs, or something more complicated, but I think I was just using her to feel wanted. This sucks, because I want to be able to fuck random chicks.

“Sorry for this,” I say eventually.

“Tonight just wasn’t your night.” (I think she was using some callback humor here; unlucky stuff had been happening to me all night and she used that exact line every time) “Maybe you used up all of your luck seeing Iron Man?” (Again, I couldn’t stop raving about how lucky I felt to have something like this fall into my lap).

I wanted to say “Well, I hope what I did provided you some satisfaction,” but then I realized how lame it sounded. I walked her to her car and cursed to myself until I got back to my house.

Fuck.