Hey,

I’m 21 years old, a kissless virgin, a university grad, 5’11” & 160 lbs. skinnyfat, an invoice-filer/paper-pusher, and I have Asperger’s.

I seem to have this weird problem where every time I start to seriously self-improve or “launch a new era in my life”, about a month later, something really catastrophic happens that I have to deal with which means I don’t have the time/capability to improve my SMV anymore. This pattern has been going on for about 9 years.

For example, in the latest round, I started my new job in the beginning of July, and began lifting and confronting everybody who ever bullied me in the past. I was doing this for 6 weeks. On August 12, I sprained both my ankles playing basketball in a father-son moment, meaning I can’t lift weights or do any real physical activity until they heal, which means I’ll lose the gains I was just getting. To make matters worse, my parents are of absolutely no help at all right now, forcing me to go about my day without ankle supports because they think I’ll get gangrene and that my foot needs to “breathe”. Fuck outta here.

Other events that have stopped other self-improvement streaks in the past include: getting infected with bronchitis (3 times in 5 months last year), other sicknesses, my dad being hospitalized, coursework becoming extremely intense, major family arguments that nearly got me kicked out of the house, being psyched out by the Mandi Grey verdict, my own decisions to slack off, my parents taking away the privilege to sell on Kijiji after getting into an argument with a buyer that nearly turned physical, getting addicted to video games/binge-watching TV shows, the worsening of an ingrown toenail, getting death threats online for adding random friends of friends on Facebook, and sexual harassment allegations in high school (which fortunately never got past the school level).

It’s gotten to the point where I’ve rationalized this pattern as “just the way things are” and “my own personal curse”, like it’s unavoidable. As such, I live life in perpetual fear of the “other shoe dropping”. I actually believe I’m cursed.

How do I break or beat this curse?