Ladies: Stop being clingy after sex because apparently the whole "want what they can't have" thing works on guys -- whether you want it to or not.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-07-09T16:07:31+00:00

Oh yeah. I had an old (very old) exgf, my first LTGF, I think I dumped her back around 1982. We broke up badly, I made a few attempts to reconcile (at her instigation) over they years and those always ended up even more badly. So I decided to never speak to her again, I told her so, and from that point I never answered her phone calls or emails.

Of course women see that as a challenge, they want what they can't have. So every few months, this woman would drunk dial me repeatedly, late on friday or saturday nights. I couldn't block her calls without paying for an additional feature on my phone plan, so I put a "silent ringtone" on her number, at least I wouldn't get awakened at 1AM with a drunk dial that I wasn't going to answer.

Well, that last batch of drunk dials, the one that spurred me to use the silent ringtone, I finally listened to them while clearing my voicemail. Holy shit, she said she was thinking of dropping in unexpectedly at my apartment, but instead, she parked out in my parking lot and spent several hours watching me through my big sliding glass doors on my deck. And then she described in detail what I was doing that evening. Holy shit, this crossed the line from drunk dialing to stalking.

I decided this crossed the line into restraining order territory. I finally called her back (first time in years). I told her "shut up, don't talk, just listen. I just listened to your last drunk dial voicemails." I could hear her gasp in shock at that point. "I told you to never ever call me. Now I'm going to get a restraining order. If you ever call me again, I'll go directly to the police and press charges." [click]

So of course she called me back and I didn't answer. I listened to the voicemail, she said she didn't really watch me through my windows, she just said she did, to get a rise out of me. Well I didn't give a fuck if she was lying then, or lying now. The net effect is to harass me and get me upset, and she admitted it. So I went directly to the police and played the voicemails for an officer. The officer agreed that these were harassing calls but he couldn't really do anything until she's received a police warning, but that usually was enough to get someone to stop, once they realized the cops were involved. But if they do keep going after that, criminal charges might be warranted.

Fortunately she stopped. I decided to look her up in my local criminal courts database. She's on probation for a drunk & disorderly charge, plus a couple of counts of assault for some sort of drunken fistfight incident in a bar. I asked the court to pull her records so I can see what happened, but it just made it a lot clearer, why I wanted her to keep my distance. If I had pushed for charges, it would have been easy as a parole violation. Well I'm not vindictive, but I didn't know how well I did. She suddenly realized she was in a weak position, and it would get her into trouble if she persisted in pestering me. I won. No more calls.

TofuTofu · 2011-07-09T07:18:43+00:00

This is a very basic concept in seduction. The idea of showing active disinterest to attract. It works for men, so I don't see why it wouldn't work for women too :)

nonatal · 2011-07-09T07:39:42+00:00

Of course it works both ways.

I think in general the basic concept of romantic mystery can be boiled down to all of us still being curious monkeys. We chase the elusive, we get bored by the known.

ThrowawayfPUA · 2011-07-09T07:41:28+00:00

This is really interesting. Logic tells me that acting uninterested after sex would just make the guy assume it was a one time thing and move on.

Gentlemen, if we did act interested, would this make you want to come back for more?

former_afc · 2011-07-09T22:30:46+00:00

TofuTofu, ThrowawayfPUA, and frogma reply to the post about my post but not my actual post, lame. Anyway, the impetus for my post came from wondering why a a women would agree there is mutual attraction post-ONS, agree to want to see you again, and then say things like "I'm always busy." Obviously, like someone had already said, if a woman wants to see you, she will make time for you. It doesn't even have to be monogamous for me, FWB would be great. Clearly I'm just trying to hard for something that isn't worth it. Girls/guys dont like being chased? Of course they do! Seddit seems to preach "woman should be chasing you". If I like some one, they will know, I will try to see them more often, regardless of who is chasing who.

griffin3141 · 2011-07-10T20:48:13+00:00

It definitely goes both ways. I always end up falling for "bad girls."

frogma · 2011-07-09T14:25:29+00:00

I've had a handful of fuck buddies. It's usually the girl who ends up getting clingy and I have to cut it off because she wants to be exclusive. The reason I don't get clingy is because I've had experience. I'm sure most other guys are chumps and they'll get clingy more often.

There have been a couple times where I hooked up with a girl, turned into friends-with-benefits, and ended up liking her a lot and turning her off.

There's always gonna be that dynamic- one partner is more invested in the relationship, and the other is less invested. It's best to try to find a partner who's on a more equal footing with you- but that's hard to determine when you first meet them. As you hook up more and have more relationships, you'll get better at recognizing that stuff.

Also realize, guys don't usually have a healthy outlet for their emotions, so when they meet a girl they like, it's very easy for them to become emotionally attached if they don't have much experience. Sucks to be you, since there are wayyy more guys like that than girls.

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