Always go home with the girl shooting tequila or vodka. Because it doesn’t matter what it tastes like, she’ll put it in her mouth and smile. She doesn’t care the method but will simply revel in the effect, and that’s something eminently respectable about that in a bedmate.

_

And no. This isn’t the, “HAR, HAR, HAR, she’ll give you a blowjob!” joke. Of course she will. Any woman who’s name you’ll learn while you’re both naked will suck your cock. In the interest of dispelling the idea of a gender biases; any man willing to sweat whiskey for those glorious hours between two and sunrise will set up camp while eating you out at the slightest hint that you enjoy it. If you’re about to fuck anyone who shrugs off these basics, don’t you dare fuck them. They’re ruining it for the rest of us, don’t give them the positive reinforcement of a good lay.

The girl shooting the cheap and the hard bottom shelf liquor is revealing a deeper quality to you.

There are those of us that drink so that we might later use it as an excuse for last night’s actions. Those are the people that need an excuse to fall back when they actually let loose for a night and embrace what they truly want and need. Can’t trust those people - and really who wants to sleep with someone who will explain you away as a drunken mistake. Anyone ordering a Long Island Ice Tea falls into this category, they’re easily spotted getting drunk on the sweet stuff. To be clear though, I’m not saying this is a bad thing one way of the other, just something to be aware of.

Getting drunk for the sake of allowing your inhibitions to slip away is one thing, getting drunk for the sake of getting drunk is another. When you watch a woman slam back a shot a tequila and suck down the lime with the same effort it might take you to sign your name, you know you’ve found a professional drinker. She is out at the bar to completely let go and the resolve it takes to keep coming back for more of that swill they call well tequila tells you all you need to know about her dedication to pleasure. She’s out to get drunk and dive face first into the blurry mess that those nights become.

Go home with this girl because once she lets loose in private you’re in for a treat. These are the girls literally in it to win it. If you’ve never won at sex, this might be hard to explain, but you will be fucked, bit, sucked, pushed, pulled, smacked, lobbed, licked, and stretched in ways that would make Ron Jeremy blush.

And when the morning comes around she’ll bring you a cigarette and beer then kindly ask you to fuck off so she can sleep.