It is extremely common that guys will realize intellectually the right move to make, but feel they need internal justification to take that action.

This is not entirely a bad thing, as if you have your frame challenged, then you might show incongruence if you feel like you don't have a valid reason.

The "mental hack" for this is that you already have a valid reason!!! You want to get to know her better because you are attracted to her. This is not something to run away from or shy away from displaying.

"How else are we going to see if this works?"

I know we need to take steps A,B, and C for two people to feel close. Things like holding hands, kissing, etc. That alone is the reason for doing them.

I'll give you some examples regarding kino:

Example 1:

Girl sits across from you or too far away to kino (on first meeting or date) I used to struggle with this. It is the first meeting and you know it will inhibit escalation. So how do I deal with it now?

Grab her chair, tell her to come close and move her towards you. If there is a bench then sit on the same side as her, if at a bar then pull the seats close to one another. "This isn't going to work if we are so far away from each other".

There was a great study on the difference between two people sitting normal distance apart, and sitting closer with knees touching. The latter gave a sense of familiarity and created rapport between the participants. Whether you mention this study or not is up to you, but the key is realizing that becoming comfortable with one another's touch is a totally valid reason for touching in the first place. I saw this here. However, I'd like to point out there in no way needs to be a real study in order for this to be a valid reason, the whole point is that you can just use your desire to do it as justification.

Example 2:

You stroke her hand, squeeze her arm or verbally ask for her hand if she is being closed off, and she calls you out on it. "What are you doing? Why should I"

You don't have to hide what you are doing, adopt the frame of "this is a needed step to get closer, and this is the best way to accomplish that". Lead the interaction, if you believe you need to do something to move the night along, that is reason enough alone to do it

Overall, TRUST YOURSELF and your instincts. Don't shy away from escalating because you think it is too early or you don't "have a reason" to do something.

You know the path towards having a great night, lead them on that path. They want to have fun, they want to feel good, and they want to trust that you know how to do that.

Examples:
  • Arranging a proper meetup (no friends, in scenario that could lead to escalation
  • Positioning once you meet
  • Physical Escalation. Arm around her, holding hand, kissing.
  • Logistics. Bouncing to location, choosing where to go.

I put girls on the "Having an amazing night with puaCurveball" plan. They know they are not on the "lets be friends" plan, or on the "this is headed towards a serious relationshoip" plan. You should feel entitled to lead the night in order to help them "stay on the plan".