I haven't posted in a while since I moved to a new city and in the past few months I've been dealing with getting things like my living space in order. I still don't have a couch (it's on order) so that should give you an idea of the logistics I have at the moment.

One big change is I have joined a gym. It is a kickboxing and MMA training gym and they do classes. I've been really kicking my ass in the classes and although it is early days I've noticed a change. I've started to notice that the girls I pass by on the streets or deal with in stores look at me differently; I don't care if it is in my own imagination or if it is real because the effect is the same - I feel much more confident in myself.

I was going out 2 to 3 times a week about 4 months ago. I wasn't having huge success but I was at the point I could start a conversation with any girl in most situations and get a decent exchange. I was way passed approach anxiety and I was working on building attraction. I haven't made any effort in the last 4 months since then and I have gotten pretty rusty. Yesterday I was shopping for some furniture and I noticed a pretty young girl who worked at the store. I know some don't like the HB scale but this young girl in her early 20's was pretty enough (blonde hair, blue eyes) that she has probably been approached by 100's of guys in the last 5 or 6 years. She was as attentive and warm as a customer service representative should be and she showed almost no signs of "flirting" beyond what her job requires. At the same time, she didn't give any negative signs. Given that my whole life I've been used to negative reactions from girls I actually see a neutral response as positive.

I got choked up. That has not happened to me in a very long time. It felt like my eyes were slightly watering, my throat was closing very slightly, I was nervous in my speech and clumsy in my movements. It was very acute, less than it would have been when I was a teenager but it was an annoyance to me. It was frustrating because I wasn't even intending to flirt - I just wanted the details on some furniture. I want to feel as a man that I can keep my cool talking to anyone - that I am in control of my emotions and in control of the situation.

The real moral of the story and why I'm posting it at all is that you need to practice with consistency. I shouldn't have taken 4 months off - I should have been practicing in every store and in every situation where it was possible. I am almost embarrassed that from where I was 4 months ago I allowed myself to get into a place where a random pretty store girl being customer-service-friendly could put me into a negative anxious state. To me, this is the essence of inner-game: you never go into that anxious state. Talking to beautiful girls needs to feel as normal as breathing.