Friends With Benefits, Is it really possible?

ilostitattheclub · 2011-12-07T05:42:57+00:00

I think you have to really make sure that your actions are congruent with your words, if you even want the possibility of this working out. Don't want a relationship? Don't do relationship things - buying her gifts/taking her out, hanging out with her all the time, going on dates, etc. If you want to be friends with benefits, simply be that. Don't have her be someone you share all your problems with or really be spending that much time with her alone outside the bedroom.

This is coming off a bit extreme. The point is, you have to really be sensitive to how your actions are coming across and the message it's sending her about what you want. Don't say you want to just be single, then hang out with her a lot. Don't be a dick and rub the fact you see other women in her face, but it never hurts to give someone a gentle reminder that you're single ("sorry, I actually have plans with a friend tonight") if you feel you're not 100% on the same page.

Some girls aren't going to be cool with just being FWB, which is why most importantly you have to make sure you both are very clear on what's happening (i.e. COMMUNICATE YOUR DESIRES CLEARLY), then make your actions congruent with what you told her. Some girls will claim to be completely fine with that, but really won't be. That's when you use your discretion and stop sleeping with them before they are too attached.

Seduction is a skill you have to use with responsibility, so above all heed the campfire rule: leave the person better than you found them. Some girls will totally be cool with just a FWB relationship, but some girls will also say they're cool and really not be. Usually it's not an intentional act of deception, but rather they truly believe they're cool with it and then when push comes to shove, they're really not. Just be sensitive to their emotions, and act accordingly.

EDIT: I will say that all of this is much easier said than done, and like everything in this game, it comes with practice. It's hard to look a girl in the face and say "I don't want a relationship with you", and not add the "...right now" to soften the blow. Be straightforward and make it clear you're not interested in a relationship with them, and then see if they're open to a FWB situation.

Also, you can do all of these things and it will still blow up in your face simply because a lot of people aren't mature or experienced enough to know they won't want something more if they continue to have a sexual relationship with someone. So as a warning to all you college kids - be very careful. Many girls will claim to be ok, but actually will not be. So always be sensitive, and be aware of their congruency between their actions and words. If a girl is texting you to hang out a lot, or calling you to talk about their day, or inviting you to do couple-y things, odds are she's not actually cool with a FWB set-up, and you either need to talk to her or simply stop sleeping with her.

Getting led on sucks, we all know it, so take caution and don't hurt someone the way you've been hurt.

I blame Adderall for the length of this post.

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes · 2011-12-07T06:43:46+00:00

The tricky part you list here is "Long term". I've had FWB relationships, but except for ones which were really occasional (every few years) they weren't long term because after a while someone either becomes attached, or disgusted with them self, or wants to move to someone who can offer more. The only strong suggestion I have for you if you want to do this, is be very good at sex. Seriously, find out what they really like and do it better than they think they will find elsewhere.

shuritsen · 2011-12-07T13:48:30+00:00

Once you find out what their fetish is, and use it on them, fwb status is guaranteed. Tap into their sexual desires, not their relationship wants.

totalradass · 2011-12-11T15:11:01+00:00

It is possible.

Make them cum, always, without exceptions.

Don't try to boyfriend game her then suddenly change your shtick, won't work.

Manage expectations. If a girl has to tell you something, she isn't attracted to you. You need to constantly be sensing her expectations, and pulling away or being unavailable when necessary. It just takes practice. Just remember you don't have to respond to every text message or call.

Have other options. I only have experience being in this situation, when I know there are other girls I can go to so I'm not invested in it at all. If she is blowing me up I don't have to hang out with her because she is my "only girl". I think this is key. I think the key to success is her knowing that her trying to rope you into a relationship just isn't going to work. It's like a game of chicken, and if you aren't actually fucking other girls, she may very well call you on your shit.

TheWringer · 2011-12-07T03:45:36+00:00

I sure hope so.

Title	Friends With Benefits, Is it really possible?
Author	punisher1005
Upvotes	8
Comments	9
Date	December 7, 2011 2:53 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/n3dv1/friends_with_benefits_is_it_really_possible/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/friends-with-benefits-is-it-really-possible.1325594 https://theredarchive.com/post/1325594

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