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[–]sallywicked 7 points8 points9 points 14 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Usually gay scenes are pretty welcoming environments. I say, go there with the intent to have a good time and meet people (which I'm sure that's what you're doing anyway). If you find out that the chick or group you're sarging is gay, no worries, it's always good to have more friends. Most of my friends are straight so if I think you're a good dude I'll invite you out with us the next weekend (or to the next bar) where you can meet my hot single straight friends of which there are many.
When you're at the bar and the hot lady has just told you she's gay don't say things like "You don't look gay," to a femme chick. Femmes find that kind of shit annoying because they get it all the time. Read up on the "invisible femme" theory and sympathize with their plight. Say something like "It must be hard not being recognized for what you are," and maybe tell your own story of feeling like you don't exist if it fits the situation. Femmes abso-fucking-lutly have tons of wicked hot straight friends so if you're cool to her (not patronizing her or questioning her sexuality) she'll be cool to you. Don't be a standard straight dude and ask about details of her sex life or make a joke about wanting to watch. Lesbians hear that shit constantly...it's been said about a million times and it's never as clever, witty or funny as you or your friends think it is. Strive to be different, fellas.
And finally don't be a dick to the andros, butches and dykes just because we don't fit your view of femininity. Don't mock us in our own environment. Befriend us like you would in mix set. Because again, if I think you're a cool dude I'll be willing to help you out.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've had nothing but good experiences at a gay club, you don't really have to worry about breaking down defenses much as the women think you're either gay or must be pretty awesome/confident to be hanging out in a gay bar.
go with a gay friend though, it's sorta strange to go there just to hit on girls and they'll figure it out really fast.
[–]heckz 4 points5 points6 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
be aware that gay guys love pushing straight guys comfort levels at gay clubs to make sure you are there to have fun/the real deal, but if they like you they will set you up with their horny single friends.
[–]ShowcasePUA 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Read into the Kinsey Scale. There is no clear-cut definition of hetero, bi, or homosexuality, only shades of grey.
Given that, going out to a gay bar is the ultimate excercise of outcome independence. Just leave sexuality out of the conversation unless they bring it up. If you get hit on by a gay guy, be flattered. They normally have high standards so take the compliment. Just treat them like one of the bros and you'll be fine. This will also elevate your social proof. With females, you'll know their disposition once they start throwing IOI's.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
It's great. Only problem is a certain number of the girls will be lesbians, but that's cool...they may be actually bi, or be with some straight female friends, or you can just chat a bit and move on. They'll understand if you just say very directly "You're really cool, but if you're a lesbian, I better find someone who's not" with a smile. They understand.
And don't worry about having a gay friend with you. Works the same either way. Doesn't matter.
The gay dance clubs will often bring in a ton of attractive straight girls, so go for it! One time a month or so ago, me and a straight friend and a gay friend went.
Inside 5 minutes, my friend had his hands down some girl's pants, and I was feeling the boobs/ass of some other girl & making out with her & grinding on her. No bull. Unfortunately neither of us got laid that night, but it was still a fun time.
And if they're into you, damn are these girls glad to find out you're not gay. Cuz most of the other attractive guys probably are and they have no chance with them, obviously.
[–]AConfusedGentleman 8 points9 points10 points 14 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
As a gay dude I'd say
You're really cool, but if you're a lesbian, I better find someone who's not
is not something a gay person wants to hear. Asking if she's into guys and kindly saying goodbye is fine, but the above sounds rude. Understand that you're in a safe haven for them, and while you're more than welcome to join in on the fun and squeeze in some straight action, be careful not to step on any toes.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Why is that rude? it's saying she's attractive, basically, but that you know you have no chance so you had better move on.
If a gay guy said that to me, I think I'd be flattered.
[–]AConfusedGentleman 5 points6 points7 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It sounds a bit snarky and dismissive. For a lot of lesbians, gay clubs are an escape from the constant attention from guys. It's not a horrible thing to say, especially if delivered gently, but I'm just saying that straight guys in this situation should be extra careful not to come off as douchebags.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Do lesbians seriously get this much attention from guys?
[–]AConfusedGentleman 3 points4 points5 points 14 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes? Lesbians are women, and women get a lot of attention from guys. If being gay were the norm, and you had gay dudes hitting on you pretty much whenever you went out (often in a demeaning way), you'd probably get a little tired of it, despite being flattered at first.
Anyway, I'm not saying that the example was awful advice, I'm just saying that you should be careful/sensitive in your delivery of it (i.e. don't grin arrogantly when you say it).
[–]truffalatrees 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
To further what AConfusedGentleman had said: I am a bisexual lady and these are my thoughts exactly. While I accept that walking around in general society I am going to attract a lot of male attention, that is the last thing I want to endure at a gay bar. Sure go and try to pick up girls, it's smart: all my straight girls have their guard down when they come out to gay bars with me. But for the love of all things, please take a moment to watch your target. If she is scoping
[–]sallywicked 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There's a great book called sexual fluidity about female sexuality which is really interesting. Basically there was a 15 year study done of over 100 women. At the start of the study women were asked to identify a particular way. Gay, straight, bi or non-identifying. Some women who identified straight ended up with in committed relationships with women by the end of the study and vice versa. Some stayed exactly the same throughout. Basically, the take-away was women tend to fall in love with an individual rather than a gender. (Keep in mind they took into account societal influences like it being more acceptable for a women to be homosexual then a man.) Anyway, I like to reference this book when I'm hitting on straight women. Conversely, I used to identify as straight, then bisexual and now I think of myself as so gay I sneeze glitter. I feel so much more comfortable being gay then I ever did when I identified as straight but I can't say there isn't room for change (although at this point it's extremely unlikely as I'm addicted to pussy.) I think it's important to respect the way an individual is identifying but, hey, use any angle you can because as they say, all is fair in love and war.
[–]truffalatrees -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
(crap smart phone...) *if she is scoping girls at all she is not looking for men -- either that night or perhaps ever, so let her be. We don't get too many chances to let our hair down, so even being approached by a dude with a comment like that will likely put a pretty big damper on the evening. I at least find it far more irksome than flattering.
Also note: the more attractive a girl is, the less likely it is that she is looking to bring a man home. Just sayin'...
[–]AConfusedGentleman 3 points4 points5 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also note: the more attractive a girl is, the less likely it is that she is looking to bring a man home.
Now you're just looking to keep them for yourself! I kid. :P
[–]puaCurveBall -2 points-1 points0 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
A lesbian is someone who prefers relationships with females... they still fuck dudes. (a majority in my experience)
[–]AConfusedGentleman 3 points4 points5 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Entirely false.
[–]puaCurveBall 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You are correct, I should rephrase:
I have a lot of gay friends. I visit lesbian / gay bars frequently. A lot of them are in committed monogamous relationships. In their bar days though, I still know a majority of them also slept with dudes whether in 3somes with female friend or 1on1.
In my experience, most of the girls I've met of the age and proclivity to visit a gay bar who self-identify as lesbian, who would not entertain the thought of entering into a relationship with a guy, will still have sex with guys.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I brought home some girl last Thursday who said she had a female fiance. Turns out it was just a female friend she hooks up with.
I've taken to asking whether they're fully gay or not (or just assuming they're not), whereas I used to just assume I had no chance.
[–]heckz 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
one experience is not a population.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Very true, but it's an example. I'm sure there are plenty of lesbians who are exclusively gay also.
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