Have any of your lost yourself and had to get back?

vhee · 2012-01-14T07:29:07+00:00

Listen to yourself talking. Read what you just wrote. You might not want to hear this now, but you have no one but yourself to blame for your girlfriend leaving. At some point in time, she decided she lost her attraction for you. Did you ever stop to think about why? Where is your inner man? Where is your core set of values?

You are in a cycle of self pity, which is then furthering depressing your true personality in a form of self hate. Stop feeling sorry for yourself because a girl hurt your feelings.

Get over it, and toughen your heart. Never forget that pain, but instead, draw upon it as a source of inspiration. You are a man. You will endure as countless other men before you in your family has endured. Women come and go like the seasons, but we as men must be irresolute in our faith in ourselves.

Silent_E · 2012-01-14T07:58:42+00:00

A brunette took my soul. Being crushed like that can make you lose all motivation and just want to feel sorry for yourself. I almost flunked out of my college program because of this.

The key to moving on is realizing that you are strong. That you won't let a single woman ruin your life. Women are capable of rationalizing anything and moving on, and I bet that is what she did.

You need to do the same. Instead of rationalizing, realize that what happened is not actually that big a deal and that you are stronger than it.

2012-01-14T16:36:32+00:00

a redhead took my soul

I'm sorry, but this is utter bullshit. She didn't take anything from you, you gave it to her. She MADE you lose all your friends? How? She put a gun to your head? No. She may have been manipulative, I have no idea, but that doesn't mean you didn't let yourself be manipulated or weren't a willing participant in every action she encouraged you to take.

Learn from this, why you fell for this person and what that says about you - what you lack inside of you that you felt like you got from this person. Be critical, examine your relationship. Maybe try and have an "exit interview" with your ex, where you have a frank conversation about your relationship, its faults and its good points. It sounds like maybe it's too soon for that, but see how you feel in a few months.

Above all, don't blame someone else for the choices you made. Just learn from it, and get better.

30vanquish · 2012-01-14T07:20:09+00:00

tl;dr: A redhead took my soul.

You're not alone. A redhead took mine too. It took me about a year to recover.

My tips to you:

Start slow. Say hi to 50 random strangers. Keep doing what you do, just opening people. Don't care about outcome. Your close is your happiness, your fun, getting yourself back.
Either get back on school somehow or look for a job or both.
Reach out with old friends if possible.
Keep working on the inner game, working out, meditation, etc.

I know where you've been. Keep at it.

puaCurveBall · 2012-01-14T09:26:54+00:00

Dude a redhead took 8 years of my life. Count yourself lucky. There is always a way back

2012-01-14T11:02:52+00:00

I've never had a relationship where I stayed even though red flags came up.

That can be good or bad. Yes, lots of people stay in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships where they should leave. On the other hand, lots of people (PUAs, if I can speak from experience), leave a really good relationship because they've trained themselves to leave at the first sign of trouble instead of communicating, negotiating, and working through it. Finding another person is easy right? Until you leave them too, and the next one, and the next one. Before you know it you're 40 and alone.

There were a lot of good things or coincidences that didn't add up.

Seriously, the only time I've felt like that, attributing a relationship to some supernatural coincidence (2 year relationship), it was a disaster. She broke my rib and tortured me. All the rest were awesome and had no supernatural coincidence. Enough said.

Unfortunately, jealousy on her part destroyed the relationship and changed both of us.

Your girlfriend is not meant to feel jealous. The only time I've ever had a girlfriend having jealousy problems in a relationship, I was the one doing shit wrong.

e.g. In my case you can't have a serious, long-term relationship, and still be going to the club each weekend with your friends and chatting up random chicks, even if it's what you were doing the past decade and what you enjoy.

Because if she was doing that... you would know what was up. It's a no brainer. I often reverse stuff like that to try to work out if what I'm doing is right or wrong for a relationship, though then again, their reaction is a really good indication too.

Because of the relationship, I feel like I lost a year of my life.

This is frankly disgusting, please stop acting like a baby.

Most of my relationships lasted two years, and there have been a lot of them. In retrospect, those were awesome times, and I couldn't have chosen better people to spend it with, and learn about myself, and mature as a person.

Even after that last relationship of 2 years that ended in disaster, I didn't regret it. How could I? There were good times, that's why I was there. And I tried to make a positive impact on someone else's life also... even though I failed... it was the right thing to do at the time.

It's hard to me imagine how anyone could spend a year with someone else then look back and spit on the whole thing and think it was fucked. What the hell? You decided to be in it. Another person ALSO lost a year of their life. Christ.

I went from being a people person to never talking to anyone but her.

Hate to tell you this, but, that's part of any relationship.

I poker face all the time. I am forcing myself to smile more. I'm slowly reading The Game and anything to help me get my happy self back.

So you're experiencing depression after coming out a relationship? Wow that must be such a unique experience... /Wonka

tl;dr: A redhead took my soul.

I didn't see any evidence of that at all. You didn't go into detail, but it sounds like someone dumped you because you did something wrong, and now you're whinging about it instead of taking responsibility.

How old are you kid? Until you've had quite a few long term relationships under your belt, and really work on extracting value from them in terms of, "What did I do wrong to poison this?", and not making the same mistakes in the next relationship, and so on, and so on; you don't know shit.

GuybrushMightyPirate · 2012-01-14T10:00:18+00:00

blaisebale?

kdbanman · 2012-01-14T10:18:38+00:00

I am forcing myself to smile more even if I look stupid.

^ Parts of your story tell me you're on the right track, and you're doing the right thing here

p.s. You shouldn't have deleted your comment on this thread, you're very clever.

YailBloor · 2012-01-14T10:45:43+00:00

Sounds like me just six months ago. That harpie and her hard drugs tore my life to shit from every angle. As you from the future, potentially, it gets easier to get back to your old self the quicker you forget about it. She's probably not thinking about you at all, while you're making threads about her, so who won really? Be healthy, socialize, try to care about other people and have respect for yourself. Life is long, don't get hung up.

CaptainLeader · 2012-01-14T11:35:39+00:00

OP, I know how to fix this.

[TL;DR: leave the house for as long as it takes, self-examine]

I've fixed this before, in myself. Half of this is hating yourself for losing what you had. This hatred is difficult to stop. Your thoughts are like a Chinese finger trap. The harder you pull, the more you are trapped. Everything snowballs. One of the few flaws of human self-awareness.

Go find a park, find a quiet place away from your house.

Hear each thought one at a time.

Listen to yourself.

Your problem is fear. Fear and stress, really. Let your thoughts flow, you'll dig up a surprising amount of fear, more than you expected. This kind of fear masquerades as other emotions, you'll be surprised when you find it. But it's there, and has been this entire time.

Interestingly, there's no basis for your fear. There is nothing of substance holding you back. You are creating your own monster in your head, but what is really wrong? Nothing around you can hurt you, nobody's opinion can hurt you, there are no rules floating in the air, no tangible reasons to dislike yourself. Surprisingly, you could literally lift the fear off yourself and face no consequences. Dig down through the emotions and it's a faulty fight-or-flight response basically. There is no tiger.

But anyway, someone's Reddit post won't fix you. Actually LEAVE THE HOUSE, and stay out there until you understand yourself. Remember, one thought at a time dude. The issue is internal, so look in there.

2012-01-14T18:01:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Beeip · 2012-01-15T01:06:23+00:00

After a particularly bad break, a good friend of mine (whom this community would refer to as a Natural) once told me:

"Nothing makes you forget about old pussy like new pussy."

Now, I realize that's blunt, and a bit non-comforting, and probably not what you need right now, but I found (months later, after fighting his advice) that he was exactly right!

You're doing all the right things (if you really are doing what you say you are), and it's only a matter of time before you get your old, good-natured self back. Don't let just one person scar you so badly. You're more than that! You've lived how many years now, and one of them ruined you? Chalk it up to experience. You're smarter, stronger, and better-equipped to handle even-more-impressive women. Go get 'em!

2012-01-17T02:48:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2012-01-14T22:21:08+00:00

I know that feel

Title	Have any of your lost yourself and had to get back?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	24
Comments	31
Date	January 14, 2012 6:58 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ogkdw/have_any_of_your_lost_yourself_and_had_to_get_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/have-any-of-your-lost-yourself-and-had-to-get-back.1327000 https://theredarchive.com/post/1327000

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