Balancing different perspectives and personalities?

PLplotsOTS · 2012-02-13T04:34:23+00:00

personality

Almost everybody I know splits their personalities into compartments like you do. You have a funny you, a serious you, a minor depression you, and who knows what other you's. It lets you break down a very complex problem, your mind, into smaller components that are individually easier to understand and control. I did the same thing for most of my life.

Stop doing this.

Do you want to be one whole man, or ten tenths of a man? Attributing your thoughts and actions to one personality or another lets you rationalize flaws instead of fixing them. "Oh, I only said that stupid comment because I was in space-out mode. Witty me would * never * say something like that." When you act as one person, there are no such excuses. Every shortcoming is your shortcoming, but likewise, every improvement becomes entirely yours. "But ten people tell me ten ways to be, and I want to try them all. How else can I see what works?" Invest fully in change. If you want to try a certain behavior, try it all the time. When you put yourself 100% on the line, you'll know if the change is worth keeping.

Besides, switching between selves is completely outcome-dependent. It's reactive. Instead of being you, and being secure with you, you're molding yourself to fit every situation. Yes, different situations call for different approaches. But when you adapt to the situation, don't lose your sense of self in the process. That's what successful chameleons do - not successful people.

perspective

Our parents raised us with good values, and we're grateful to them for doing so. A short time ago, I would have said the exact same thing:

my parents raised me to respect girls, and not to treat them only for sex

Now I know better. Respecting a girl and treating her only for sex are not mutually exclusive - provided she wants the same out of you. See, your parents weren't always right! Society isn't always right! (In fact, I'd say it's usually wrong). Your upbringing has been both a burdening and an empowerment. Keep your moral compass, but cast away the conditioning that chains you down.

carrotplanter · 2012-02-13T23:52:49+00:00

This is really quite hard, if not outright impossible to do. I find it much easier to integrate all of these different parts into one ultimate version of yourself. A post I read here before made an analogy.

Some people think it's necessary to branch out from your main personality, kind of like how a squirrel would walk out from the center of the tree top to the end of one of the branches.

Of course, the further you go out on the branches, the weaker your support becomes. It's a lot safer to stay in the center of the tree trunk for support.

Basically, become the tree trunk yourself, and have these different braches serve to compliment you instead, instead of channeling any one of them during certain situations.

In the end, you will accomplish a complete presentation of yourself and become your own man.

Llamarama220 · 2012-02-13T01:17:11+00:00

The biggest misconception that betas have about game is that it's about surgically removing your old personality and replacing it with a completely new, 'alpha' one. It isn't.

The best analogy I can think of is if you are at a classy dinner party. Even if you're really into sports, you don't go around at a formal event like that saying 'HOW BOUT THOSE LAKERS HUH?'. You assess the situation, see that a certain frame of mind is called for (discussions about taxes/expensive poodles/whatever), and adapt to it.

It's the same with seduction. Your 'natural' personality state may not be the smooth talking alpha, but that's the mindset you need to be in when you're in a club or whatever. Once you're out on a date with a girl, that's when other sides to you can come out. Because no one in a club wants to talk about Plato's republic.

Besides, women LOVE guys who seem 'mysterious' and who don't give away too much of themselves.

And, at the risk of going into misogynist PUA territory, regarding your ' I can't seem to keep my personality and perspectives in balance. [perspectives in the sense that my parents raised me to respect girls, and not to treat them only for sex, etc.]' Relax. Your parents are most likely betas, or at the very least, they grew up in a time where social dynamics of seduction were a LOT different to today.

One of the core tenets of 'game' is 'leave a girl better than you found her'. If that means giving her the best dicking of her life, then so be it.

FriendlyAdviceMan · 2012-02-13T07:10:42+00:00

Listen, you might be a little young to get into the game. I'm 21 and I only look at this stuff on occasion because getting involved with this stuff screwed me over for a while.

You seem like you're in it for the intellectual trip though, so...

I've got a simple mantra. *People talk about what they think about. * Whenever you've got somebody on their train of thought, they'll talk about stuff they've been mulling over in their head. That's only natural. Their work, the drama in their lives, ect. Intellectuals speak at length on technicalities because that's usually what's on their mind throughout the day.

I feel a large part of being a respected guy is getting out of reciting what's on your mind. That why c&f and humor and social awareness is interesting, because it's all improv, it's more interesting because the ante is raised. The curious thing is that it's obvious when somebody has 'scored' when they make a witty comment or paused for the right moment before delivering the punchline. There's some kind of rules that govern when something is funny... And if you hang out with somebody who does it for long enough, you pick up on it and start to be funnier as it becomes ingrained into you.

That being said,

The reason why your mind wanders is because your brain hasn't decided that focusing on things like being quick on your feet is important. You might think it's important to <focus> and be in zone, but your brain prioritizes all of your passions, not just the ones you prefer.

You have a deep drive to think deeply about certain subjects. That's a good thing, because that's how you get better. Spend 10,000 hours playing violin and you'll have a master fiddler, spend 10,000 hours thinking critically and you'll be able to learn to program in weeks.

Me personally, I used to be extremely intellectually diligent. Never passed up an opportunity to solve a puzzle, thought about concepts and ideas for hours at a time. I don't do that anymore. It's not that I don't care, it's that critical analysis is a quality that's ingrained in me and I'll never lose it. Meanwhile, I realize I'm not Albert Einstein and if I focused, sure I could increase my IQ by 10 points. But intelligence just isn't as crucial to my happiness as I used to believe.

I prefer to analyze social interactions instead these days. It's easy for me to stay in the zone. Reason being is because I recognize there's a subcontext in many layers of the interaction, and it's fascinating. I'm usually more alert because I'm focused on analyzing what's being said in context of if it's funny, or what kind of conversation they'll be responsive to, or if they're trying to impress somebody, ect.

If you'd like to get started, I'd suggest letting yourself watch some comedy on television. Seinfeld, Demetri Martin might be in your tastes, ask around and find what your friends like. When you notice when a joke is funny, laugh and you'll remember more of it. When you notice one falls flat with you, try and figure out why... After a while, you'll start thinking about it during conversation, if you can come up with clever one liners, and it's intellectually stimulating. (Those guys never thinking about Plato's Republic... reason is a lot of 'em are thinking about this sort of thing).

It ain't comprehensive advice, but growing as a person usually takes a year or two each time, though it's usually surprisingly satisfying.

indigObstacle · 2012-02-13T09:42:11+00:00

It seems like you're not REALLY there. When you interact with a woman all your attention and energy needs to be in the moment and on what is right in front of you. (I'm not saying always only focus on her - I'm saying focus on the present and what is around you - the music, other people, the decor, your drink, her, whatever).

Try some meditation. It might help. Give it a serious go for at least a month before you decide to stick with it or abandon it. Also, don't be afraid to talk about what you are actually thinking about, even if it's philosophy or physics. This might not necessarily help you get laid, but this way you will figure out by trial and error what facets of your personality will help you on the path of seduction. This is the best way to answer your question. By trying different aspects of your personality. I can't tell you who to be in field. Figure it out for yourself.

Title	Balancing different perspectives and personalities?
Author	IamYou13
Upvotes	4
Comments	7
Date	February 12, 2012 11:32 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/pmn79/balancing_different_perspectives_and_personalities/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/balancing-different-perspectives-and-personalities.1328207 https://theredarchive.com/post/1328207

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