Such a thing as "too confident"?

puaCurveBall · 2012-05-16T22:24:01+00:00

Confidence is reserved, confidence is calm and collected.

Too much cockiness or putting on a front of confidence just speaks to how insecure you are and that you are overcompensating.

If you act like you have something to prove, you do. And it's obvious.

ZeroCool2u · 2012-05-16T21:26:30+00:00

I think there's a fine line between arrogance and confidence.

A little bit of meta and objectivity go a long way to help you walk this line though. Every once in a while when I'm doubting myself or an action, I try and take an outside perspective and assume a "average view". Try and throw away all the "I'm a baller assumptions" and replay what you just did in your head. Record your initial gut reaction. Was the first thing that popped into your head something like "Huh, that was kind of a dick move." or "Haha, that was legit." The important thing is to try not to let your personality interfere with this response too much though.

I'm not sure if this makes all that much sense, I know it works for me, but I'm a pretty good empathizer and very good at predicting other peoples responses to a situation, so I guess this could just be a personal talent?

Either way, I've def run into the same problem and this is what helps me. Oh, one tip for trying to maintain your objectivity, it can help if you try and observe the scene in your head from outside your body, like your watching what just happened or will happen on TV and you're an audience member or something.

2012-05-17T07:19:10+00:00

yes

its called overcompensating

NomadicBit · 2012-05-17T17:53:47+00:00

"yeah, you're really confident, and I can see cocky, but not overly so."

IMO if you are described like this, that is a big part of your problem. Tone down the cockiness, or make it more humorous. Funny cocky is good, actually cocky is bad.

falousco · 2012-05-17T03:28:01+00:00

I definitely found that as my confidence grew, people who weren't confident became more and more jealous of me.

kingcal · 2012-05-17T04:08:02+00:00

I think there is such a thing as over-confident. I had a conversation with my friend about it last night. He invited me to the bar where he was meeting with some Korean college students. When I got there, the vibe was real bad. Sitting in a booth where kino was next to impossible. One girl wasn't even looking at us, and the other girl was all "no".

"What's your name?"

"I don't have a name."

"Do you live in this city?"

"No."

Etc...

I tried to make it playful and give her a name and add details that she was refusing to give me. She had a huge bitch shield up, but I felt like time I could've worked through it. Then, suddenly, he just reaches all the way across the table and tries stroking the bitch-shielded girl's leg. Instantly, she loses all the playful vibe I'd been trying to inject into the awkward social situation and said "No, stop. Don't touch me." Within five minutes, the girls had left.

I told him after they left that I felt like he was way too over-confident, not just with girls, but in general, and it can come off really unattractively. He said in this case, since the girl was being so rude and uninteresting that he wasn't concerned with whether or not he pissed her off because he didn't care. This morning, he sent me a text saying that both those girls, as well as a third friend were all mad at him, so they wouldn't hang out with him anymore. I was far from surprised.

Title	Such a thing as "too confident"?
Author	Shohn64
Upvotes	6
Comments	7
Date	May 16, 2012 9:02 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tqjmb/such_a_thing_as_too_confident/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/such-a-thing-as-too-confident.1332730 https://theredarchive.com/post/1332730

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