Hey guys - old throwaway here. A (really bad) breakup has made me start to reevaluate my life and I came upon this subreddit.

So, my problem is that all the relationships I've had, and I've had several that were 1+ years, were the result of a girl liking/approaching me. I realize I could have much bigger problems but this is frustrating because I've often liked a girl only to have her friend like me, then date the friend. I settle. I realize this is because I get psyched out by people I like, while I adopt a carefree attitude to the friend, which makes me attractive. The cause of most of these breakups is the seed that was planted in the beginning, which is totally my fault. Most the girls I've dated are on a similar level of attractiveness to the friend (that I like), but for some reason or another, I'm not as attracted to their personality.

I'm chinese but most girls attracted to me are white or hispanic. My pros are that I am physically attractive, decently tall (especially for being asian), successful academically/career-wise, and can be very charismatic when I am not in my head - any time I'm not around someone I like. My con, and its a big one, is that I revert to being a total coward and supplicant when I'm around someone I like.

Anyway, I've been reading a lot of material on this subreddit, and trying to internalize it, but I just have this one big glaring hole in my personality that I feel like saps all the positives I have when I'm trying to be with someone. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you for reading.