Hello, this is the 3rd week I have been reading and applying seddit materials and I noticed remarkable improvements in my body language, attitude and mental focus towards women and more importantly, myself. I can actually look myself in the eye in the mirror, I still have plenty of AA but it is slowly improving and women actually show IOIs towards me and actually feeling a sense of belonging at events and parties. I know this sounds strange but I never really grasped how bad my Good guys syndrome was. I used reciprocity and covert contracts to try and buy appreciation from people. It was the simple things: coming home from a party (oh I better grab a 30 rack everyone will love me!), here you can have my last beer (signs of covert contracts). Instances of sincerity were more of subitities and frustration. I never really understood how as a child my issues of abandonment could have so negatively impacted my ability to hold any sense of relationships with not only women but my closest male friends. I was literally floored at how each scenario about being able to connect related to my inability to feel emotion because this was an escape to avoid feelings of abandonment and loneliness. Even my issue with excessive masturbation never followed a healthy 'stroke' per say. While 'most' of these issues I am currently working on or have somewhat worked through with my counselor (and hopefully a few nice redditors) I write this with the hope of self improvement. The want of personal self improvement for MYSELF. The pursuit of satisfying MY needs for once and not playing carpet for other peoples needs or an insatiable need to try and make people feel better. No. I'll make myself feel better. Sounds selfish? Fucking good. By bettering myself I can better the people around me because for once I actually felt happy and loved. Now, while I have never F closed ; this work in progress can only go upward from here. So Sedditors, I present my first FR in the hopes of gaining some useful informational tips. (FR 1) Walking home from a party where I was swamped with AA I decided to leave to recollect my thoughts and give it another go after a quick walk when I noticed a group of 10-12 girls walking by when I told myself "fuck it" and said "where does a group of 12 beautiful ladies go when the party is the other direction?" A couple laughed and the alpha (HB9) retorted "We only go to better parties (In a very thick french accent, yes she just transferred)" Turns out, this entire group were the new transfers for the summer.

I told them, "Since you probably do not follow normal American traditions being from France you love a good merlot or syrah right?" She said "only on special occasions". I said, "When is it never a special occasion". Lucky for me my house was but a half a block away. I said, " You know what, because I'm here it is now a special occasion. As a start to this celebration bottles must be popped to celebrate this occasion *points to house, Oh look!, my house!, LETS GO!". I sprinted off to my house, never looked back. They followed (Success baby).

SO I now had 12 foreign, beautiful women in my place and a fairly large supply of two buck chuck (real fancy). A couple of bottles later and I've talked to about 70% of the women never really focusing too much on any specific women trying to be friendly and buy time so other males could arrive to help delegate these overwhelming numbers. I did learn however that I am a traditional American portrayed in films and movies (some cussing and mannerisms; dude, like, woah, sailor speak). Had four 'friends' arrive to even out the numbers. By now four had left and I was balancing the French HB9, Chinese HB7 and a Swedish HB8. My eye contact was great. When talking I tried to spread my eye contact between all three women and the rest of the group, moving my eyes from the left eye to the right eye (makes them glitter?).

I always made subtle efforts (I hope) in kinoing shoulders, knees, elbows and back. I walked into my room to grab some more trees for seshing when the HB9 followed me into my room and leaned against the inside of my door jam looking at me. Mind you now that I think about it I think my opportunity was in that door jam. I had her hold my favorite jar of nug and we all went out to smoke a good session. This is kind of cheesy but I convinced everyone to 'pass' their hit to their neighbors in a close kiss manner (I'd assume this would push emotions of sex). This allowed for me closer contact and more active kinoing (lower back, reach around shoulders, pulling women in on talking and funny situations). Then a text came to the HB9 and we left for a party and separated after grinding, dancing a little bit more. ------------------------------------
My thoughts: too scared to actually make a move. There were opportunities where eye contact would be make and I would notice this gleam in her eyes and this moment of slight awkwardness (most likely my window). I guess this would be my fear of intimacy and my lack of experience. Making a move towards making out and other things just seem to scare the shit out of me. No one ever talked to me about sex besides sex ed. I did however feel that my eye contact was better than Zeus's aim with a lightning bolt. Thoughts?

Edited for paragraphs.