As I’ve recently decided to commit to an exclusive relationship I’ve been reflecting on some of the strategies that have served me over the years. I haven’t been in an exclusive relationship for 4 ½ years and for the most part I’ve done that without ever lying or leading women on (In the early days I didn’t exactly lie, but I wasn’t exactly forthcoming with the truth – mainly because of my weak emotional freedom and a lack of an abundance mentality)

Below are some of the strategies I’ve consistently used and mistakes that I’ve corrected to secure casual relationships.

Bear in mind I’ve lost a lot of good women along the way, being casual is not something that every woman will commit to long term. Especially women of exceptional beauty that know there are a ton of guys out there that would give there left nut to be with them.

You’re playing hard ball and have to be at the top of your game to keep a high value woman in a casual relationship.

What do I mean by on top of your game?

  1. Lifestyle – Your world that you occasionally invite her into has to be more fun and interesting than hers.

  2. Sexual Mastery – You must blow her mind in the bedroom

  3. Precision Game – You must be able to keep the attraction high, Keep her validated and balance comfort (This is extremely difficult – I’d argue next to impossible as time is the great bonder, and having all the above 3 aspects in place will naturally make you very attractive. Sleeping with the same woman for an extended period of time and being an awesome “catch” will make a woman want to date you long term.) Play into her seductive fantasies.

  4. Passion - This is you having a drive and passion for life and living full that is contagious. It rubs of on her and becomes addictive, you become an important force in her life that she’d rather have than not.

Let’s look at some of my early mistake that I see a lot of guys making…

1.Being Judgemental

The default setting for most women isn’t for casual sex – although it is getting more common with women becoming more liberated, empowered and chasing careers.

There’s a lot of fear and stigma still attached to a woman having casual sex with a bunch of different guys but the worst thing you could possibly do is judge a woman for her sexual choices.

This is the quickest way to close a woman off to the point of her seeming asexual! Judgmental men NEVER experience the full beauty of a woman’s sexual nature, and if you’re not comfortable with the wide-ranging and often outrageous nature of the average woman’s sexual fantasies I suggest you GET COMFORTABLE FAST!

Read nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden, speak to female friends, eavesdrop on girlie conversations in the bar, do whatever it takes to understand and internalise the fact that most of their fantasies totally eclipse ours in deviance.

2.Lack of Hope

You may not want a relationship but if a woman believes she is just a sex object with no hope of ever being relationship material then she will withhold sex.

There must always be a possibility, in so much as “you’re still learning things about yourself and want to make the next relationship you get into perfect…”

If you’re undecided or you’re still discovering things about her, express that tactfully…”I take my relationships very seriously, I’m not one of those serial relationship people, that hop in and out of relationships. I think it takes time to get to know someone properly, to build solid passion (sex) and friendship first and then from there make a decision that’s not rash and based on a momentary excited, do know what I mean? There are people that have sex once and then lose their heads, think they’re in love and jump into a relationship, then it crashes and burns when they realise…”okay, the sex was great but the person wasn’t relationship material”

I’m not your moral compass but I will say be careful in this area, I NEVER lead a woman on, if I’m not into her personality and can’t see myself remaining at least friends with her then I won’t take things to sex…anymore. Yes I did do some scumbaggery back in the day but it ultimately leads to uncomfortable conversations, tears and hurt feelings.

Abundance is important in this area, before I got into my relationship I had a take it or leave it attitude, I displayed that I was hugely pre-selected, that I would blow her mind in the bedroom but also that I really liked her as a person outside of the fact that I wanted to destroy her, and ruin her for other men. And even if we didn’t date long term they sample the goods.

Now you do what you like, you’ve been warned it can back fire.

3.Displaying Provider Traits

If you display your provider quality too early this will stifle a woman’s sexuality and how much she is willing to do with you. You become relationship material and therefore there is a bigger risk losing you. While this may sound desirable to inexperienced guys, you’ll soon realise that women will act differently towards men that present themselves as providers.

Sex is often withheld.

The “princess” image is presented.

Her wildest fantasies are locked away and will not resurface until she has you locked in, invested and secured…if at all.

Worst case scenario she’ll keep that side of herself concealed and repressed only to flair out in flings and affairs with exciting, dangerous guys who display qualities of the Lover.

Women know that once men get the prized possession that many guys change and stop being the “gentlemen” that they once were. You don’t need to show provider qualities but you do need to show consistency of character from the initial meeting, over the phone, on the date and after sex.

4.Post Sex Relationship behaviour

If you’re on the phone everyday, meeting up and having sex 3 times a week, then my friend, you’re in relationship country.

You must limit your encounters and exchanges. Women do not listen to your words they study your actions. If you’re saying you don’t want a relationship and yet you spend lots of quality time together then you’re sending her a very clear message that you WANT a relationship.

It starts immediately after sex. The bonding Hormone Oxytocin is released in women after orgasm and peaks in men just before orgasm (nature seems to be playing a naughty little trick). After orgasms try to avoid too much cuddling and all the post orgasmic “lovey dovey” stuff. This may seem cruel but it helps to avoid extreme bonding and does save a lot of heart ache in the long run.

Again, this is tough to execute and it’s important not to be a jerk with it.

Start with a compliment “oh wow, that was amazing! You’re look so fucking sexy when you cum…”

Go to the bathroom and use the toilet let her body normalise and then come back. Do not make this obvious with nonesense like “I don’t want you to get attached to me” I’ve made this retarded mistake a few times and it’s not nice. You still have to be sensitive to the fact that her biochemistry is in a completely different place, don’t be a dick!

5.Being Forgettable

This is a double edged sword. Many guys haven’t taken the time to learn how to blow a woman’s mind in bed, they’re selfish and find it difficult to mentally seduce her and emotionally connect.

If the sex is forgettable she will not be calling your phone anytime soon for round two. On the other side if it’s too good you run the risk of becoming an addiction and getting clingy behaviour regardless of how well you managed the post sex behaviour.

It’s hard to balance and really depends on the girl but I’d undoubtedly walk on the side of becoming an addiction with mind blowing sex, than being the dude she regrets.

Experiment, take care of the women that you’re with and they’ll sing your praises. I’ll share some of the mindsets and frames that I set when I get a chance.