All too often I get the sense that guys in this community feel they need to learn to change their introversion to be happy with where they are in terms of interacting with women. Being an introvert does not mean you can’t be assertive or confident. People still get introversion confused with social anxiety, but this guy did a pretty good job of summarizing the difference.

First of all, you can’t just become an extrovert. It’s just not possible to switch sides when you’re dealing with your fundamental nature. Sure, you could fake it. But why would you want to? Would a confident, self-assured male feel the need to mold their true personality in order to get what they want out of life? No. That’s an extreme form of neediness for external validation and is counterproductive to what you’re trying to accomplish. You create your own reality; you don’t try to adopt someone else’s personality because you want to experience their same reality. You success will come as a result of a genuine confidence in who you are. Why should you apologize to yourself for your introverted nature? Why are you less entitled to anything in life just for being an introvert?

”Why are you so quiet?” is question that many introverts complain about getting. Lots of people don’t comprehend what introversion is or why you might sometimes just listen and not constantly try to talk over everyone. This question doesn’t necessarily mean the person is viewing you as inferior or shy for not acting extraverted, they might very well be intrigued by you. The difference in people interpreting your quiet nature as shyness or as your natural “mystique” is confident body language. There’s a ton of great material around this community on body language that’s good for either introverts or extroverts.

Introverts don’t like dealing with the mundane social interaction so many use this as an excuse or incentive not to approach, but is talking to a woman you find attractive really mundane? Embrace the uncertainty of where the interaction will go; it’s that uncertainty of the future that makes life interesting. Enjoy the thrill of it all. Let your disdain for boring “small talk” steer you away from the repetitive, routine conversations that you try to avoid as an introvert. Ask deeper questions about things you’re actually curious about, and don’t try to mask your interest in her. Learn to be comfortable in silence and don’t say trivial things just because you feel like you should be saying something.

I think that the big secret everyone figures out sooner or later is that there is no “game” in terms of striving for some predetermined template of a “player”. You figure out that getting to the point where you are satisfied in your interactions with women comes as a result of embracing and loving who are and being honest with yourself about what you really want, whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. Do you really want to have to put on a show for people to like you, or do you want them to be drawn to you for being so comfortable in your own skin?