A plea to anyone and everyone. Please Help

mc92 · 2013-02-13T06:28:27+00:00

The problem is probably that you don't bring any value to these groups, funny and nice just don't cut it, I'll explain more later. Easy fix for this is to start initiating things, come up with an idea for something to do and invite everybody to join you. It doesn't even have to be anything big, just initiating the activity will make people think "oh, we are doing this because of him," even if it's as simple as let's go get some food or grab a few beers. If you invite people to things that somehow benefit them they will respond by being more likely to take you along. Another thing is find things you have in common, and just talk about them, talking about the simplest things such as football or girls can create bonds between people.

As to funny and nice not being enough. Most people are not dull, boring and unfunny, therefore in every social situation (especially among good guy friends) people make jokes and laugh and therefore being one more funny person does not add much. They might even already have the "funny guy" so nobody will notice anything special about you having jokes that are a little bit better than the others, it's beneficial, but cannot be the mold between people.

In the case of being nice I think it's the fact that you seem needy for being appreciated for it, and people don't like that. Among groups of friends people do nice things for each other without the direct expectation of getting anything in return, but rather because they know that these are my friends and I'll somehow it all balances out. I have an example of this guy that I went to high school with and was this "friend on the fringe" as you call it. One annoying thing I remember about him was that whenever we would have a party, he would bring a bottle of something to drink (great) but repeatedly throughout the night he would keep mentioning it over and over again. It would just seem like he brought the alcohol not to have fun with friends but so he could use the fact that he did it for ulterior motives. He would even use it as a defense to friendly banter, "hey guys come on, I brought the whiskey," not cool. I'm not saying this is you but take a good look at what you do and think about it.

Just my piece of advice, hope it helps

Zeam · 2013-02-13T06:11:31+00:00

I dunno man, when I look at you're goals they seem pretty huge. Like "be funny." I mean, do you want everyone to think you're funny? Cause that's nuts. There is no one alive who is funny to everyone. At sometimes it isn't your fault. You could just have a bad night. Every comedian has bombed. It's a "character building experience." Like, do you get back up by writing a funnier set or testing your jokes more, or do you lie down and quit.

Girls are the same way. The idea that every girl you meet should like you simply isn't feasible. I'm stoked if I get the number of one girl. And then the idea that every girl whose number I have will date me, forget about it! If one girl laughs at my joke, day made. If there is one girl who texts me back, thats all I need. If not, then I need to work harder. So I do. But sometimes, it isn't your fault! They could have a boyfriend, or not dig your style. In which case, you need to work some self improvement. Which is okay! That's life.

I guess in closing, perfection is often unreachable. Don't beat yourself up and celebrate your successes while continuously reaching for the idea of a "perfect you."

Grimmmie · 2013-02-13T06:31:15+00:00

"I only have a few goals in life, to be funny, well liked, and adored by women"

This may be your problem. All of your goals are dependant on other people. I find it extremely hard to make friends by trying directly to make friends. For example 'be funny' - make it more about you like 'be a comedian' and focus on that. If you're no good, so what? Become better. Learn from your mistakes. Hopefully as a result, you will become 'more funny'.

apab · 2013-02-13T06:15:16+00:00

I just want you to think about some things

Do you ask people if they want to hang out or wait for them to invite you?
What do you bring to the table friendship wise? Meaning what are you doing or bringing to the group that would make people want to be around you?

If you aren't actively trying to hangout with people most likely things won't happen and it's not because of you it's because people have lives they get busy if they aren't asked to do something or presented the opportunity to do something then something else will come up and they'll do it.

If you aren't bringing anything to the table why would anyone want to hangout with you. Think about it if you met someone who was just kind of there and didn't do anything would you want to hangout with them? No you wouldn't.

If you aren't doing either one of these things do them ask them if they wanna get lunch or something, get a hobby, meet new people, be the initiator it's your life take control of it. Once you start doing this one day you will look around and think about how good your life is. Hope this helps in some way.

Jimbodogg · 2013-02-13T06:20:13+00:00

What I got out of this post is that you're looking to others for self validation. Validation that you are liked, that you are funny, that you are attractive etc. These are normal desires, however dwelling on them seems to have the opposite effect. By making these your core focus, you are giving your own happiness into the control of other people outside of your control. Instead be that awesome person you want to be without needing approval. The air of confidence will radiate, and all of a sudden you'll notice you ARE accepted, people do think you're funny etc.

The "inner game" you hear about is really key to life, not just pickup. Become an independent person, detached from the expectations and judgement of others. You are your ultimate judge, and thus the only one that can bring yourself down.

Freevoulous · 2013-02-13T09:04:31+00:00

As to the social part: start your own group. Be the one person that the new friends meet each other through. One way to accomplish this is to throw parties at your own place, and inviting hand-picked people that know you, but don't know each other. Becoming a leader of anything (sports team, RPG storyteller, head of the discussion club etc) is also a good start.

Pro tip: try to befriend (even to the point of friendzoning) a lot of cool women. I mean cool as in: social and fun to hang out with, not necessarily sexy (altough this wont hurt). Extravert women have much easier time building a group, but won't try to out-alpha you and marginalize you, as much as extrovert men.

Always share numbers and FB contacts with new people (both m and f), and chat them up from time to time, cultivate your new group by inviting each of them to hang out.

ironxknuckle · 2013-02-13T14:42:48+00:00

I was in a similar situation but now I am considered a big part of the group on my floor. The key is just be cool and funny and initiate activities. For example, instead of just getting food with my roommate I know go to all the rooms where my these guys live and invite them to join. When you're hanging out with them just be funny and easy-going. That's basically what I did and those guys went from barely knowing me to loving me and thinking I'm hilarious. Simple things can go a long way.

Rmart7 · 2013-02-13T17:36:59+00:00

[permanently deleted]

scikoplaymate · 2013-02-13T21:34:03+00:00

This answer is probably going to sound cliche but just be yourself. Like totally or at least 89.7% true you. I made this change and more people liked me than when I was trying too hard to be liked. Also, try getting new friends. The reason you probably are the "fringe friend" is because you don't actually fit in with the group. I'm not saying drop them completely, but find a group where you actually fit and feel wholly accepted.

Title	A plea to anyone and everyone. Please Help
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	11
Comments	13
Date	February 13, 2013 5:16 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/18fg1y/a_plea_to_anyone_and_everyone_please_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-plea-to-anyone-and-everyone-please-help.1347357 https://theredarchive.com/post/1347357

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