I think most people (especially frequenters of this sub) know that a fear of rejection is the single biggest contributor to being single, not approaching women, not being happy with your social/love life etc. I'm making this post because, although I've always known I had a crippling fear of rejection, I now realise that I can actually contribute something honest and meaningful to this subreddit. I have a story which is probably the root of my fear of rejection. I'll post it in the comments section so you can read it if you'd like. In short though, I was innocent, and happily expressed my feeling for my crush. She laughed and made fun at me because of it, and it really fucked me up. It resulted in an irrational fear of rejection and distrust in women.

Now I'm 20 years old and realising, though not completely intentionally I'm beginning to escape from the grasps of my fear of rejection. I've learnt some valuable first hand lessons of what a fear of rejection means and does. Let me tell you that I really know the power of a fear of rejection. For context, I'm happy with the way I look(within reason). I've received countless compliments from friends mums saying I'm handsome, their younger sisters fancying me even adding me on Facebook, I've come home so many goddam times from house parties and nights out and the next day being told "oh my god, all my friends think your so hot!", I've had strangers tell me wow I'm so attractive, I've had friends saying their friends saw me in the library and were Facebook stalking me. I'm even hired in a store which only hires people that are considered attractive. Now why am I telling you this? Because with all these apparent good looks I barely had ANY luck with females. I could never approach them. Id been clubbing for 2 years and probably pulled like 2/3 girls. I know that's better than some but still not ideal by a long shot and was by complete luck and not through any perseverance of my own. I literally couldn't approach anyone. I never even went to my prom. :(

Then. It seemed like all of a sudden, but things started to change. I got with a girl one night in a club. She was pretty hot, I considered it a win although I was very drunk. Then another night came around, and a little something changed in my mindset, which I had always tried to suppress. I accepted, I'm only going to this club to hook up. Lets fucking do it. This isn't what got me to pull two different girls that night(I also got very drunk but this was the last time this played a role), but it was the first step to my ongoing 'recovery' from this fear. And that was admitting and accepting I want to hook up, nothing else. About 5 months have passed since I got with the first girl and I've successfully pulled around 6 more girls. This is more women than I had pulled in my entire LIFE beforehand. What exactly changed?

Let me tell you. A fear of rejection is like a fear of getting in a fist fight. Imagine your out and some guy hits into you. You turn around and he looks mean, and fucking big, like he'd knock you the fuck out. You're afraid. You don't want to get in a fight. Just like how you don't want to approach that girl by the bar. Now imagine you said fuck it, and started throwing punches as this guy. Imagine you won. You knock him out, your a fucking hero, the victory is sweet. This is like getting the girl. And next time you're gonna be a little more cocky if a fight is presented (or a female that could be approached). But what if you lost you say? Yeah it sucked, and hurt...sometimes alot. But guess what. If you get presented with a fight again, you might not be cockier like if you'd won. But I bet you won't be as scared. You've got experience. You've done it before. You KNOW the worst that could happen. And you know what, it's not that bad.

This is something which people always say. "It's not that bad" or "what's the worst that could happen". Well what I've learnt is its good either way. You WILL gain something from being rejected. And you as hell will gain something if your not.

It's terrifying. I know. Don't try and hide it or overpower it. Just ACCEPT the fear and adrenaline and GO! You'll find that fear isn't real. It's just your emotions. Danger is real though. But where the hell is the danger?

Just recently for example I was on the dance floor with a friend. There was two girls we were both checking out. My friend was all like ''go on man we should definitely just talk to them'' Although he never would he was a coward like me at one point. I looked over at them. One tallish, blonde but not really that attractive. The other brunette, shortish, big boobs, sexy face and body.. just my type. And by type, I mean type I'd be too afraid and intimidated to approach. I KNEW rejection was imminent, I wasn't getting ANY vibes off her and she knew I had been checking her out but gave no interest at all. But I wanted to prove to myself I could do it, and it wasn't that bad. My heart was racing. Palms were sweating. A million thoughts going through my head. I felt weak and vulnerable. But I decided to go for it. I turned to her on the dance floor and leant over, simply saying "hey what's your name?''. She responded very coldly with an expression on her face like, what the hell is this weirdo doing making conversation with me in a club. I knew it wasn't going well from the start. I managed to keep the conversation going for about 30 seconds. Told her my name. Asked if she was in college. Then just for the sake of cutting to the chase(and its worked before) I asked if she had a bf. She responded by saying 'no' and shaking her head but with an expression like it shouldn't concern me. I accepted she wasn't interested and kind of broke off and continued to dance with my friend. I was embarrassed, awkward and pretty defeated, trying desperately to look un-phased. I just wanted to get out of there. A minute later we made a quick get away. Walking away felt great. My adrenaline was still pumping and I couldn't help but SMILE to myself! I did it. It wasn't that bad. I was happy and proud of myself. THAT my friends. Is how I can sum up getting over the fear.

Please tell me your stories and comment on anything. Thanks!