How do I stop being overly nice?

deathbymurder33 · 2013-05-02T23:24:48+00:00

Try being really straightforward with what you want from them instead of beating around the bush all the time

goldfish188 · 2013-05-03T02:49:09+00:00

this is the misconception. theres nothing wrong with being a nice guy. there is however, a MAJOR PROBLEM being a PUSH OVER and a DOOR MAT that gets WALKED ALL OVER.

it seems like you're a nice guy by nature OP, that's fucking fantastic. just recognize when you're being taken advantage of, and saying no to that. i use to have this problem, and its okay to be a little more selfish OP.

lets say you got work the next day early in the morning and its getting late. some girl askes you for a ride, and she lives really out of the way for you. its not a big deal for you to say no because you got your own matters to worry about.

let me know if my post helps, i can clarify more if you need me to and i can refer you to some small reading/listening material that can help you out with this.

WoMPk · 2013-05-03T00:26:17+00:00

I occasionally have this problem and here's a few things I've noticed and have helped me:

1) The typical advice is DGAF and you won't bee "too nice". This is very doable until you really like the girl, then its pretty tough IMO. If you can not become very attached even when you really like a girl (or make it come off that way) for your first few weeks of dating your problem is solved.

2) there are a few things you can do to reduce the level of niceness you give off: a. Don't stare at her alot. If you think shes hot go talk to her when you get a chance. Don't look in her direction much beforehand b. Don't give in super easily. In a relationship it is generally true that you can either be right or happy, but before that there is no reason you can't do both. Also in the situation where both of you start talking at the same time, it isn't necessarily your job to yield to her. c. joke around a bunch. Simple as that. d. I am not sure how old fashioned you are, but I know girls have found it weird when Ive tried a few of the typical old fashioned things (ie pushing a girl in at the table, always opening car doors, etc.)

That said, this doesn't mean you should stop being a good guy to girls. You can still treat them with respect and care about them without coming off "too nice".

I hope some of this helps!

PaintDreams · 2013-05-03T02:45:09+00:00

http://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xjxnb/24m_i_just_blew_my_chances_with_a_girl_because_i/c5n50bo my favorite reddit comment of all time

sparxxxx · 2013-05-04T07:40:46+00:00

Nice is fine, not being assertive is what is unhealthy. Is it really that women are not appreciating who you are or is it that you are not making the true who you are available to them. I use to blame the "nice guy" thing, but one night I realized that every time I was at home angry I could point back to a moment I wasn't assertive. Next time you are hating on yourself for being nice, I challenge you to find the time early that day when you weren't assertive(not approaching a girl because she looked busy, not taking shotgun in the car, not calling out your buddy who never buys a round, letting another dude get first crack at a group of girls you are interested in, etc.) . Promise you there will be a moment you weren't assertive and that is why you are hating on yourself. Be Assertive!!!!

Methaxetamine · 2013-05-03T03:35:42+00:00

Just be lazy. That's how I deal with it. Do less for them.

Lozarn · 2013-05-03T00:00:24+00:00

I'd just start with the side bar. That'll get you moving in the right direction!

2013-05-03T14:41:33+00:00

There's nothing wrong with being nice. We need more nice people in this world.

However, most people are nice because they want to trade their kindness for someone else's approval. In other words, they're not being nice to spread positivity. They're doing in order to leech external validation.

If you're "nice" because you seek approval, you have to learn to validate yourself. Don't place the responsibility of your happiness in the hands of other people. Don't base your self-worth on what others think of you. Base your self-worth on your own well-rounded judgement. If you feel as if you have little worth (which chances are, isn't true. if you're a negative person or simply having a bad day, your mind will only focus on the negatives. In other words, your mind is lying to you), then do something so you can feel proud of yourself!

chiefkeif · 2013-05-04T07:20:42+00:00

Had this problem. Read "No More Mr.Nice Guy". Put things into perspective and really helped me out. Give it a read.

Setsa · 2013-05-03T17:26:24+00:00

A quick pointer that assisted me: instead of saying "sorry", make a deliberate point to say "I apologize for [reason]". Since it takes more effort and time to apologize in the latter manner, you will generally cut down on needless "sorries" that come as a reflex action.

mysedditalt · 2013-05-03T00:08:45+00:00

I hate this sort of question. Seduction isn't about being mean to women! The bad thing about "nice guys" is that they only compliment women and it comes off as unnerving - at the very least, tease them like you would a friend. If you don't like something she does, tease her about it. Sometimes that's called flirting.

Even your attitude about this disgusts me.

I was raised to treat women the old fashioned way

Are you kidding me with this right now? This has to be the most asinine way of thinking about it. Of course you can treat women nicely; but the problem is you think that by living your life being nice to everyone you deserve women's attention. That's definitely not what it's about. It's about treating women like equals. In HER mind, if you do nothing but compliment her, buy her gifts, do favors for her, you become one dimensional and boring. You can do these "old fashioned" things but you also need to challenge her expectations, call her out for things, treat her like a human being, not an object that you must earn by being nice.

Believe me, I had that attitude too for a while which led to some pretty frustrating "friendzones" (another stupid term). Spend time reading Seddit. You'll learn how to treat a woman so that you capture her romantic attention. The sidebar is a great place to start.

CthulhuHatesChumpits · 2013-05-03T21:27:20+00:00

Punch random people. Makes you not-nice very quickly.

kwastion · 2013-05-02T23:11:33+00:00

So what do you mean with nice? I'm nice all the time to girls, but that does not mean they can easily have me?

Title	How do I stop being overly nice?
Author	VirtuosicElevator
Upvotes	12
Comments	21
Date	May 2, 2013 10:54 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1dkzhp/how_do_i_stop_being_overly_nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-stop-being-overly-nice.1351612 https://theredarchive.com/post/1351612

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