Ive been on reddit for a while now but ive never posted anything so hear goes my postginity!

Im a 20 year old male virgin and i think its safe to say i am pretty forever alone. Dont get me wrong, I have plenty of friends and I go out regularly but when it comes to interacting sexually with a girl, im an absolute amateur. But back to the story...

Ive known this girl since march 2012 as she came to become a part of this youth group I was a part of, but I never really talked to this girl beyond just the usual salutations one might use. That was until a christmas party, where I saw her bored so I decided to strike up a conversation. What could I lose from talking to this person who ive supposedly known for 10 months? So I did and I realised she was actually alot funnier and attractive than I thought. I didnt really keep up alot of communication until about 2 weeks later.

We are both on this camp and we randomly get assigned to the same group. So for the next 2 to 3 days we're around constantly together with our group members and we naturally got closer. Theres a huge afterparty, we all get drunk but nothing results because I didnt feel like I was ready to pursue this girl (basically I dropped my balls to protect myself). Come 2 days later its new years eve and theres a huge party and this time I decide to man up and do something about this quandary. A jolly good time was had until after new years hits and she tells me 'I wish I was in the city right now'. Obviously curious I asked her if there was something in the city that she was missing, to which she replied that she wanted a new year kiss. This is a little hazy because I was drunk, but I ask her if theres a guy she liked and she said yes. She wouldnt tell me but I manage to get out of her that she likes a guy starting with T and I told her that mine started with an A. My name starts with an A also, so I didnt pursue the matter further, feeling a little dejected.

I decide to forget about her without really trying and somehow end up talking to another girl. Now that I look back on it, it was stupid because I only started seeing her because she was low risk. She was on holiday and she was kinda cool, but she would return after 2 months or so. There were no strings attached and no emotional cleanup needed afterwards. I was wrong and it ended up in a clingy, awkward mess that I cringe to when im reminded. There were boundary issues, her seeing other guys that I didnt understand that kind of scared me off relationships.

Its now the end of january and me and A meet again for the first time since the new years party. I jokingly remind her of the guy T and ask her how that's going. She responds saying she lied and its actually an A. (I know how high school this sounds please bear with me). So I was confused and somewhat relieved when she said she didnt have feelings for this A anymore. I felt guilty having gotten over her so easily and seeing this other girl so I didnt feel like I deserved her attention.

We fast forward to about 3months later. I havent talked to her for that long, she doesnt really attend the youth group for that time, while im there constantly. At that time, my friend was leaving on exchange to another country so we had a farewell party for her at a friends place. Later on, the doorbell rings and I open the door for A, who I was surprised to see, and for some reason very happy. That night she asked me how A was doing and I replied that I hadnt spoken to her for a while, and she replied with the same answer when asked. After that night, I resolved to harden the fuck up and eat some goddamn cement... so I didnt try to call her until 3 weeks later. I tried calling then but it doesnt go through because of her new phone. I text her that we should catch up over coffee and talk about A. She refuses because of midsem uni exams so I accept that. I talk to her over Facebook chat twice over the next 2 weeks and she mentions she is coming to the youth group that week. She comes and things seem fine. I talk to her more often through fb, text and snapchat (no not nudes). No real flirting just smalltalk. I then came out my shell a little bit and started being more flirty, funny and she seemed to react quite well to everything. We talk everyday somehow for about 4 days. at this point i think she is sufficiently interested in me, and that i had shown my interest too. Then comes tonight. There were a group of us thinking of watching a movie in 2 days and ask her if shes going. she says shes not sure because of studies. So then I offer her to stay home on that day to study, but instead ask her to go see this annual light show the next day. At this point I thought I had done well. But then she asks 'but would the others be interested in going?' I didnt know how to react since it wasnt a question I was prepared for. I kinda avoided the question, we went on to talk about other things and eventually I excused myself to sleep since im sick. I couldnt stop thinking about what I should have done and now there are questions that I need answering.

Was it just a case of misunderstanding that I should have corrected? Or is all this interest thing I thought she had for me non-existent? I cant leave the situation like this and just pass it by again like ive done so many goddamn times before and regret it.

Sorry but this turned into a huge rant and I pity whoever reads this, but I'm confused and not sure what to do. Thankyou for everyone who does read it and please give me advice on where to go. I am now going to sleep because this sickness is killing my body.