I think I've made negative progress..

officialpoypoy · 2013-12-09T09:51:15+00:00

you are too desperate. try and let go and just focus on the moment and expression and experience. sounds cheesy but its prolly true.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2013-12-09T15:20:28+00:00

Set your sights on the big picture, not the microcosm of one interaction, one girl, one lay. Build a life for yourself that draws people in, whether that be through work, hobbies, entertainment, or whatever. Think long-term goal of being that guy that everyone wants to be. Meanwhile, practice by approaching tons of people and experiencing life. Be desirable first. Desire second.

rmbarnes · 2013-12-09T13:12:09+00:00

Have a few drinks, then approach.

snwborder52 · 2013-12-09T23:34:28+00:00

A bunch of things:

Gotta learn to face your fears. If you feel discomfort, act. It's important to do this incrementally. Start with a basic fear, something that causes you discomfort but is not a huge mountain. Work your way up from there.
Don't use should. Use could. Should places a value judgement on your actions and causes you to feel like you don't measure up. It creates shame. This, in turn, feeds your AA.
Loneliness is not a factor of the amount/quality of women/friends in your life. Loneliness is caused by not being ok with yourself. You have to love yourself and enjoy spending time by yourself to not be lonely.
Meditate. This will help you stay in the moment.

Disclaimer: I'm probably reading into this post to much. However it sounds like your problem is with your life overall and not specifically with women. You're unhappy and you feel like you need women to fill that void. That doesn't work.

You need to work on putting more joy in your life and giving yourself more worth.

Joy comes from being grateful for what you have. Worthiness comes from believing you are enough and sharing yourself with the world. This are decisions and actions that are made, not feelings. You don't just become worthy and joy filled. You decide you are worthy of love and are going to have more joy in life; then you act on those beliefs through gratefulness and vulnerability.

tornadoseason · 2013-12-12T23:43:42+00:00

Honestly man i think you're feeling "desperate" towards these individual girls because you're coming from a place of scarcity. Firstly, you moved, which is a huge situational change in your life. Personally, when I first moved to a new city I thought it would change everything. I'd be a new person. No one would know about my past. I could start over. Guess what? It got worse, sooo much worse. It got to the point of having mental breaks downs on a monthly basis because for me self improvement and learning "the game" just made me hate myself more.

Adding on top of that, you also sound like you're coming from a place of scarcity with women. If there is only one woman in your life then suddenly she becomes the world and you get super clingy. Imagine you have one apple in your fridge and that's it. When you're hungry you only have that apple...so you better make it last...oh god what if i lose it? It's the only food i have and i'm hungry....i dont know if i'll ever have another apple ...etc. If you have a bundle of apples and you're hungry..you just grab one and eat it...no mental gymnastics.

But before any of this applies to you, you have to learn how to love yourself, which sounds simple but it's ridiculously hard. You're learning about fitness which is amazing, but make sure you come at it with the right intentions. If you think you are flawed and working out will "fix" you then you're just playing into that same bullshit "i'm not enough" attitude that's stopped you from being happy in other things. You can easily turn a positive into a negative depending on your intentions. Instead go into working out because you respect yourself and love yourself and you want to be the best you can. Positive actions aren't enough, you must have positive intentions.

Being bad at pick up in your situation is an indication of deeper issues (not to presume mind you) like a lack of self appreciation. Work out, eat right, learn and make money FOR YOU. Not for some girl. Once you are successful in taking care of yourself mentally and physically you will begin to project value to girls and won't even need "the game" because you'll generally feel like you deserve to be with them.

tl;dr love yourself you magnificent bastard

Title	I think I've made negative progress..
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	6
Date	December 9, 2013 8:04 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1sg8bx/i_think_ive_made_negative_progress/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-think-ive-made-negative-progress.1362809 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362809

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