I don't know when to stop talking, halp!

thewordofmouse · 2014-01-08T15:11:00+00:00

The easiest way to quit a habit is to change who you are as a person and perceive yourself differently. I.e. becoming a non-smoker as opposed to 'quitting smoking'.

So, why don't you make an effort to be a person who's interested in what other people have to say? Genuinely take an interest in others, their words, dialogue, and their stories, and just shut the fuck up and listen. Ask questions and make an effort to learn about the people around you. The more you know about the people in your life, the more of an advantage you have. Everyone's favourite sound is their own voice, which you know.

recyclablebantha · 2014-01-08T15:25:42+00:00

I don't know when to stop talking, halp!

If she isn't talking and you're talking but you're not asking her something or saying something to elicit more talking from her, then you are doing it wrong.

I get uncomfortable with awkward silences, so I talk my brains out, with everyone.

Got to work on that. They must hold up their end of it. It's not your job to handle both ends of a conversation and you've come to realize that trying to hold

up both ends, doesn't go so well.

I observed that I exhaust the subject I'm in until I repeat every single thing again and sometimes again. Dude. There's never any reason to do this if you're leading the conversation towards things like a person's emotions and motivations.

How can I stop this compulsive behavior?

You have to attack any thought patterns that feed this awkwardness.

2014-01-08T17:35:52+00:00

If you're like me, then

uncomfortable with awkward silences

is the root of your problem.

You know the theory: conversation threading, focusing on emotions, interesting storytelling, but you get so caught up and pressured that you forget all about it while you're in the spotlight.

I try and work on all my problems as follows: forgo everything else. Focus on fixing that one thing. So pick a few girls that you will talk to for 2 minutes and then just let the awkwardness sit there. Decide this in advance, and don't pussy out when the two minutes are over. Keep eye contact and smiling, and they'll have to hold up their end of the conversation.

Good luck :)

piperson · 2014-01-08T18:55:10+00:00

I'd recommend eating out alone. It can be quite uncomfortable sitting there and feeling like people are looking at you thinking that you are some looser with no friends. Get comfortable with not caring what people think about you. You could also try wearing flashy clothes that make you stand out like a hat with a peacock feather in it.

Or meet people and make an aim not to talk about yourself or what you think. Just sit there and ask about them. Think about what they are saying and if a thought about what they are saying comes up comment on it but try not to add anything or change the subject. Just listen and acknowledge what they say.

there are actually some great techniques for listening to others like reflecting what they say, "So what I am hearing you say is..." I've seen some pick-up videos that address this but I couldn't find them now. Also a psychologist would know all of these techniques and be able to help you.

KidBill · 2014-01-08T19:52:58+00:00

Here's an idea: intentionally put yourself in awkward situations. If you can manage being in those situations, then you'll be desensitized when it comes to less awkward situations, like a break in conversation.

angelbreaker07 · 2014-01-08T13:12:34+00:00

The fastest and easiest way is practice. Ask yourself "Does what I am about to say contribute to the conversation?" If no, shush. you will get accustomed to the natural pacing of a conversation (think like waves on a beach...it has lulls and peaks).

Also, and I cannot stress this enough, ask questions. Asking questions will allow someone else to help fill the silence, by not making it one-sided.

Hope that helps! You may want to post this is /r/AskReddit, and/or ask(insert gender here).

Title	I don't know when to stop talking, halp!
Author	jasonstatement
Upvotes	7
Comments	7
Date	January 8, 2014 12:35 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1upfuk/i_dont_know_when_to_stop_talking_halp/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-dont-know-when-to-stop-talking-halp.1364145 https://theredarchive.com/post/1364145

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