A little about myself. I am in my early thirties, newly divorced, did O.K. with women when I was younger, like myself, am intelligent and genuinely like meeting people. I workout 3-4 times a week and after 3 months have lost about thirty lbs. I am a short guy, not that it matters that much, but I know some people like to know where the starting points are.

However, it has been a long time since I was single, and I have been having a hard time getting back into "the game."

Last night, went to a local club where I know the staff and some of the regulars pretty well, and they like me. Bought a martini and sat at the bar where I could have a good view of the room without having my head on a swivel. I wore nice shoes, designer jeans, and a nice-fitting Yellowstone vintage t-shirt, left an attractive stubble on my face for the evening -- I looked pretty good. I sat there chatting with my friends for a bit and responding to texts from people I know, laughing at jokes and generally having a good time.

First approach was to a slightly taller than me, good-looking blonde in her late 20s with flashing neon lights under a sheer top that focused attention on her fake breasts. She made eye contact with me from across the room for a tiny second, then looked away and looked back. She didn't smile or anything, but I decided to approach and see what she was all about.

It being v-day and me being me, I tried the funny approach. I walked up to her and stood to the side with my body facing toward the bar, lightly touched her shoulder, smiled wryly and looked at her eyes and said - "Hey, happy valentine's day, did you get my card?"

She looked confused for an instant, then caught on and said "No."

"I said, what about the chocolates?" I was being overtly corny delivering these lines, I know they are lame and that's part of the charm of them.

She didn't laugh, and again said no. I then pretended to be upset and overly excited, and said "Damn Fedex, they never get their deliveries correct." This made her laugh.

I told her my name and asked for hers. I then gestured at her flashing boob getup and with a confused face, said, "I don't mean to stare, but what is this, [pause and gesture] thing for?"

She gave me a standard, oh just for fun answer, four words. Never asked me a question, and she obviously wasn't interested, though I had seen her flirting and dancing with a few of the other guys at the club.

I made a final attempt to engage her in conversation with a interviewish question about what she did, which she just blatantly ignored, ordered a drink, and then said "I have to get back to my friends, it was nice meeting you" and left to go back to the dance floor.

I went back to my spot at the bar and kept people watching. After a time another girl walked into my view with a girl acquaintance I know and they came up to me and started dancing like goofy dorks.

Since I know the other girl, I just said, "Hello", and she asked how I had been. We talked for about thirty seconds and she introduced me to her friend, who hugged me, and stepped back out of my space and laughed a little. I told her she looked like she was having a good time, asked how she knew my friend. She kept the conversation going for a little while, but I wasn't that into her, and I found myself breaking eye contact too much.

The convo was brief and playfull, but I really didn't say anything of substance other than comments on her pink drink and laughing when she said that our friend was trying to get her drunk. I told her, "Well, yeah, it's valentine's day, best drinking holiday since Christmas and Thanksgiving! Cheers", clinked her drink with my martini and smiled.

She laughed, but our friend had their round and walked back to the dance floor. The girl followed and I stayed put and ordered my second martini and chatted with one of the bartenders about how it was a decent night.

The D.J. was really talented and was playing a bunch of electronic music that I listen to while I work, so I got up and went to the D.J. booth to tell him that he was doing a fantastic job. He thanked me, we shook hands, and I turned around and walked around the club. I know people saw me do this, and I hoped it made me look cool, which is really just a bonus for telling the DJ that he was really cool.

I went to the restroom, they are tiny at this club, unisex one toilet affairs. I used the open one, and when I came out, a cute girl called me out for using the one with the W on it. I know that there are no rules on that at this club, so I asked her if it really mattered. She laughed and said that she only called me out because a guy had called her out for using the M bathroom. I gave her a sarcastic comment back, playing around, and said, "Well, now I know! You have a penis." She smiled and laughed and said, "Well now I know you have a vagina!" I really like playful, sassy chicks, and I followed with "See, it's perfect - we totally fit and nobody else would think it was weird, cause you look like a girl and I look like a guy." We flirted for a bit, but her friend dragged her away. I finished my drink and switched to beer.

I kept kind of walking around the place slowly, bobbing my head to the music and the bathroom girl and I bumped into each other after twenty minutes or so. I said, "Hey, it's penis girl!" and she said, "Hey it's vagina guy," and the joke was getting stale, so I changed topics and tried the what do you do thread again. Lawyer, she really didn't offer much more than that, and asked what I did, and I said I was a computer programmer and talked about how I really loved it because I love solving puzzles and bla bla bla. After about five minutes, she didn't really offer up anything else, so I told her it was nice meeting her and went back to the bar. At this point, I decided it was one more beer and home, since the club was thinning out and it was close to closing time.

A blonde with a cool haircut with a braid came to order drinks while I was waiting for my beer. I touched it lightly as she stood beside me and told her that it was cute. We talked and things seemed to go well, so I went back to where she was sitting with her friends. I talked to all three of them and they were really smiling, except for one. They were all legal students, one in criminal law, the other in social law, and the cool haircut was in corporate litigation.

Now, I hit on the corporate litigation one and said, "Oh man, you are the type that I hate!" This threw them all for a loop, as I knew it would, and they asked why. I told them about my summer of hell dealing with a patent attorney named Dick Woody. That was the name he chose to go by and it fit. It is a true and funny story that I use all the time because people think it is funny and it segues into me talking about my passion for solving problems in creative ways. They told me I was really smart, and this is where it all fell apart.

I tried a sarcastic, backhanded compliment to all of them. "Yeah, I am. That's why, if you aren't a doctor, lawyer, or programmer I don't have much time for you." Woops. It just came out. Bam, banhammer. "You are a total douche, no wonder you're single!" I said it was a joke, but they went angry in two seconds flat. "No, it wasn't. You are a douchebag, and you just made three girls, with bachelors and are much younger, walk away from you. When was the last time you got laid?" I just responded "Sunday" cause that was true, and I had no idea how to recover. "God I feel sorry for her," they said and promptly grabbed their coats and left. Pretty harsh for a simple comment.

I licked my wounds, closed my tab, and left for home alone.

Now, this is a pretty typical night for me. I am outgoing and will talk to just about anyone, and I try to be funny and it sometimes makes people laugh and sometimes doesn't. The other week a girl who had a guy chatted with me and I asked her where her friends were. She said I had no chance with them because I was a 4 and they were all 9s and 10s. After talking to me for thirty minutes. But I always end up with no girl at the end of the night. I am no stranger to rejection, and I don't fear it, but I am obviously doing something really off-putting to get the harsh treatment I am getting lately.

Maybe I come off as too arrogant. Maybe I really am a douche. I don't feel like one, but after 3 months of trying this I guess it is time for me to tone down my attitude a little. Help me out, reddit, what the heck am I doing wrong?