It's like my diary so it's a fucking long post, TL;DR is summary and I'll make important parts italic

Just a few words of backgroun why it's so huge for me - I was always fucking stiff in clubs, never dancing, never jumping and barely having fun or approaching.

9th of May

I was going to meet friend at one of the better clubs and I stood in front of it without approaching with my heart beating hard because this club is scary for me. Some girls passed me and almost destroyed me, while passing me one of them pointed to me and asked "Do you think he's cute?" to which second just laughed and they walked away.

I went to other club, easier, less exclusive one with average age probably around 25 (I'm 20), often there are MUCH older people. I was no in a mood to talk or dance so i talekd with friend. One more friend joined us. The first one whos really good showed me how his heart is beating, I guess he wanted to show me he also is nervous/excited during approaches (physically its the same thing, it just differs in mindset).

I talked to a few older and much older women. I jumped up to them (yes, jumped, not walked) to self-amuse and just get more talkative.

On the dancefloor I danced next to my friend. I loved the music, I did what my friend - started jumping and fist pumping. Next thing I know I am jumping up and singing to "sex on fire" (I guess that was it). I noticed a girl who was not too cute but considering other girls around she was rather good choice. I waited for the part which I can sing and jumped up to her like pure energy, jumping, singing and just grabbing and hugging her. She was a bit shocked but reciprocated and was all smily.

Me: "Hi I'm name!" - hugging her and talking to her ear, its dancefloor and pretty loud Her: "I'm D" Me: "I have to admit I just wanted to hug you!" Her: "So maybe let's just hug normally?" - I think she meant without jumping and singing, so yeah, we did hug. introduced to her friends and we talked a bit but since dancefloor is not good for this I just danced with them a few moments and left.

I was with my friend in other place a few moments later and gues who stopped to smoke on the opposite side of the narrow corridor... D. I dont know if it was an accident because it seemed like she noticed me few moments later and smiled when we made eye contact.

We messed with D by telling her i'm gay and shes my only chance to ever kiss a girl. I get a kiss on the cheek etc.

Later we found her again between interactions with G and I double twirled them after demanding hands from them, they did not know wahts up until I did twirl :P

D left, me and friend stood in the same place. Cute shor blackhaired walks by. I grab her by hand, lead to me and pretty much hug her. She seems either drunk or cery compliant. Probably both since that was one of the most dominant moves I ever made. "Who are you?" - I try BR tonality. She tries to walk away but I just hold her hand and get her back, no resistance. - "What's your name?" - she tells me it's G. My friend tells her I'm cool. She's with friends. I tell her "Let's go, find them" and we go. She's in front of me, I can't position myself to either grab her hand (I didnt want to do it from behind) or talk to her. We can't find friends, "let's go dance, if you see them just tell me and we'll catch them" - she says - "Ok" and starts dancing. There are rooms with differen music in this club, "Let's change rooms, music is better there", Again she's just "ok". I want to lead hear by hand, she takes it away after few moments. We go there, start dancing, I tell her I can't dance and she might teach me something" and she's like... "ok, me too" and I think I told her I love her hair. We mostly danced, there were long pauses between sentences. I kept looking in the eye, she reciprocated rarely ,mostly looking in the ground or elsewhere with mostly neutral expression. I dance, jump, sing again, she just dances. At one point she goes for her purse and tells me she'll get back (I didnt ask). I sit down but after a minute of seeing D in front of me (this sounds so bad...) I go up to her and talk a bit. She says I'm a very "nice man" (bad translation but similiar), I'm probably friendzoned.

G gets back when I'm with D, she saw me with her and we dance again. Her friends come, I introduce myself and leave them because htey want to dance in the circle, fuck that.

I talk with friend again, then I just wander around and catch G on sofa. We do not really talk (its loud) and its tight (on sofa) for me. I take my hand around her and say shes forcing me to do it because its tight, she moves away and uses phone. I do not care, I just rest. After a while I say a few sentences/ questions to her. with pauses between them. She talks back. She leaves to bahtroom AND gets back. I say "I want to know you a bit better but its too loud, lets go somewhere quieter". She goes to other sofa, I say its still too loud and lead her. I might lead her by hand now, not before as I wrote, I dont remember. We sat down and just I chode talked to chill (chode questions) trying to add some emotions and playfulness.

In the end I got her number but turns out she feels it would be cheating, shes dating some guy but its nothing yet. She seems to like me. I got the digits and I might have new friend but I told her to tell if dating goes wrong :)

I tell G to wait a sec and go take digits from D, another hug and kiss on cheek I catch G on her way home (she's in hurry), and we just talk.

First ever # in a night, actually 2 so even though It goes nowhere Im hyped. D makeouts with some guy 20 minutes after I leave (friend told me so).

10th of May

Went out with one of the same friends. Before I met him I asked some girls where exactly the club is as a warm up. I was not talkative so I just got their names and threw a sentence or 2.

We waited for a long time in the line, chatted with people behind us.

When we got in and stood waiting for 2 girl friends of my friend I look to the side and there's... G. She smiles at me, I greet her and her friends, she runs away to the toilet. Girl friend of friend come. They talk with my friend, I introduce myself after a while when they stopped greeting each other. We bought water, sat down, bought another water, joked, laughed and messed with one girl about my age etc. I got more talkative.

We went to the dancefloor. Girls in the club were a lot cuter and younger than the day before. I was intimidated by bauty of some of those girls, I felt and thought I'm not enough, not entitled, not being able to get them even interested.

On the dancefloor lights disoriented me, I hate those comic style lights when they flash exactly on me and I can't see a shit. I tried dancing and pumpoing myself up like before but the music was some kind of harder electro and I just struggled with dancing to it, I had to force a smile.*

We danced a bit, then left those girls, then found them again etc. I did not approach.

My friend made eye contact with cute girl who was dancing with her friend on a pole and then he found her on the dancefloor and she was into him so I was dancing alone. When she left him we danced with his friends again.

After wandering around a bit he helped me with motivation and I jumped up to one small cute (not beautiful though) girl. I introduced myself and since she didn't do it herself I took her hand and shook it and got her name this way. She was answering me but not hooked at all, looking at her friend (who was engaged by my friend). I tried talking anything she told me it won't work or whatever, I said "Let's try again, one more chance!" and used one of the lamest pickup lines ever to make it fun. It actually worked because she didn't expect that and I was just talking without much filters :). She told me bf dumped her a week ago and my pickup is not going to work. I tried to spin her (she was very close to the stool/ table and faced it) to make her face me or pick her up and spin around. I just couldn't work around it to make her hooked.

Then some time after my friend caught his pole dancing girl and I was alone again. I wanted to grab hand of one beautiful girl that passed me but I hesitated with pulling her in so she just stopped, looked me in the eye for split second and walked away. *

In the end I got panic attack (Yup, I got those) and it ended my night.

Summary

Good

  • 1st night I had a lot of fun and self-amusement. I was the most dominant in my life, especially with G.

  • I warmed up the first night with just introducing myself, jumping up to girls and just talking to them for no reason when they were alone and near me, or sat next to me. I offended some girl (didnt mean to) and I told her she got it wrong and no fucks given she did not get it either.

  • I approached physically first night!

  • I might be too touchy, or touch in a "wrong" not seductive way but I finally TOUCH THE FUCK OUT OF GIRLS if I treat them as cute/ availible eg. hugging, leading by hand.

Things to improve

  • 2nd night I did not warm up as I should, I was a bit in my head. Not enough approaches!

  • 2nd night approaches were not dominant enough. Without warm up I hesitated too much and lacked balls.

  • Not feeling enough for (entitled to) hot, older, taller (in heels) girls. I should just try like with the one who looked at me. I didnt feel worse after this "rejection", probably better.

  • I couldn't just draw state from within and pump myself up with music I didn't like.

  • I made a huge improvement and I find "buts", I fall into negativity how I suck forgetting hom much I've changed from hardcase who never approached and was just a sad looser standing by the wall.

  • I wasn't sexual, I just didnt feel like it despite hot girls around me (some dancing on poles :) ) Girls feel when you wnt to fuck her so if anyone can give me advice on bringing this state I'd be grateful.

  • My voice is still to quiet but improving.