This is a real simple one folks, but its worth saying anyway. Along your way to manhood you’re going to have to learn to stop complaining. Its pretty self evident when you consider how we refer to others who complain too much, that men are expected to complain very little. “Oh what a whiner, stop being such a little girl about it and jump in”. A man is expected to be, above all things, strong. Verbalizing hardships is an instant way to show weakness. It doesn’t matter whether you can lift that heavy box, the minute you complain about it being heavy you’ve put yourself at a disadvantage to the other guy who does about it without word.

I wouldn’t have thought it even worth mentioning had I not noticed a growing trend of submitters on the sister sub, AskTRP, looking for advice on how to regain their frame after talking about work troubles with a woman. A lot of men these days seem to have the impression that women are there to serve as a partner in co-misery - that talking about how much you hate middle management will bring you closer together. Wrong. Without fail these men manage to damage the attraction of the women they complain to by appearing weak.

On the flip side, holding your tongue can give you an edge in situations it would be perfectly normal to complain about. You’re only as strong as others perceive you to be and the ability to play off discomfort builds that strength in other’s eyes. It can also help build real psychological strength.

This is not to say there is no such there is no such thing as productive complaining. “Talking bullshit” is a key form of male-male communication. “Yep, we had to work in a 140F attic for 10 hours straight. Fucking bullshit is what it is”. The key difference is that “Bullshit” is things that are outside of your control; Weather, work, and “what’s wrong with america”. Men bond over shared hardships and talking bullshit is a part of that. Where men go wrong is complaining about things that are under their control, particularly to women.

I charge you to take active control over your communication this week. Ask yourself what the intended results of your words are. Are you looking to build a bond between yourself and those around you or are you looking to vent to make yourself feel better?