Back Story:

Hi Seddit, I'm a long-time-part-time lurker. I have read a lot of PUA material over the years, I felt I had a pretty good understanding of it (Mark Manson’s ‘Models' is amazing - I only recently discovered it), but few chances to practice it as I’ve had several consecutive LTRs.

Recently I broke up with my ex, and decided to get out there and put this stuff to use. I have had some fun, and met lots of girls. One girl I met is older (31, I am 25), we met and became friends, we hung out/got dinner/drinks a few times, she’s a great person, we shared a lot and I enjoyed her company. I was sure I was friend-zoned and I was ok with it. She’s cool and I am currently seeing other girls, after all.

Tonight:

Tonight we met up, we got dinner and drank a lot, then we went to the park and shared a few beers, and talked, and danced. We talked about our lives, she shared about how she was unhappy when she was younger, really unhappy, and how she’s changed this year and now she seems truly happy with life. I shared about how I was the opposite - I used to be happy, and how for the last few years I felt different, numb, not truly alive, until recently, where I now feel more alive, I feel real emotions more strongly, etc. We hugged and she cried. Yeah.

I feel like this was the first time I’ve been in line with ‘Models’, being vulnerable and sharing myself honestly. However, there was always the thought in the back of my head that I was leading the situation in the ‘seductive’ direction I thought I wanted it to go in (kino, holding hands etc).

Eventually I pulled her close and kissed her. We kissed until she stopped and asked me “why are you kissing me?”. I was shocked. Here was this great girl asking me why I was kissing her (why didn’t she object at the beginning?), while I’ve spent the last few times we met wondering if she wants to kiss me. She said that she was older, I was younger, she wasn’t expecting it etc.

I felt an instant pang of guilt, I feel like I shouldn’t have pushed this one, that this could have been a truly beautiful, meaningful and lasting friendship between two souls on this silly little planet. And I ruined it because I was tipsy and wanted to kiss the pretty woman who I had a crush on when I first met her.

She’s older, and is looking for a serious relationship (she even asked if I knew any good guys her age…). I feel a true connection to this girl but I am not capable of starting something serious now, I like her a lot but I think my feelings got confused, that my connecting with her made me think I wanted her (she is really attractive so I guess it’s easily done). Maybe this is my first sincere friendship with a woman (are they truly possible? platonic relationships with women?) and I’ve fucked it up. I really don’t want to just avoid it, not talk to her after tonight and hurt her feelings, how can I approach this? How can I know what I want? I think she might start treating this like the beginning of a serious relationship. If I say I made a mistake I’m pretty sure she won’t want to talk to me again.

I feel like a dick for doing this when just yesterday I was on a date with another great girl, and we were kissing and making plans for this week. How do you guys see multiple women at once? Do I need a different mindset? I’m sorry, deep down doing this stuff feels wrong. I feel horrible and I don’t want to. I like the girls I meet, and I’m sure they’d be hurt if they knew I was seeing other girls at the same time.

Any advice would be hugely appreciated, thank you seddit.

TL;DR: Please don’t call me a little bitch.