Goals alone don't work.

Develop a system for increasing power instead.

Power in this context is the amount of control you have over your OWN life.

Follow these steps:

1. Get a notebook/journal

2. Create the following chart for each day of the week.

Pain >->->->->->-> Power

3. At the end of the day, mark where you fell on the Pain to Power chart.

Notice that there are seven arrows on the chart. If you felt completely in control all day long and were able to get all of your needs met, you would color in the 7th arrow on the chart. Your score for the day would be "7".

A "7" should be super difficult to achieve. Like maybe you beat Lebron 1-on-1, got promoted from the mailroom to VP, or hooked up with Minka Kelly. OK, maybe not that difficult, but it should be something that is very hard to attain.

If you did not feel in control during the day, allowed yourself to be manipulated, or regret not doing something, you would fill in an arrow closer to the Pain side. Maybe a 2 or 3.

4. At the end of the week, average your daily scores to come up with a score for the week. Record it in your notebook. Each week, focus on improving this score.

For example:

Week 1: 4.33.
Week 2: 4.77.
Week 3: 5.01.
Week 4: 4.55.
Week 5: 3.25.
Week 6: 4.52.
Week 7: 5.55.
Week 8: 6.25.

Why this works:

The only way you can feel more powerful is by taking control of your OWN life. To take control, you need to start putting yourself into situations that normally you would shy away from (like asking for a raise, approaching women, confronting someone when you normally would just keep your mouth shut, etc.).

After doing this for a few days, you start to look forward to situations that will allow you to increase your power score for the day.

For example, if you see a woman at the bar that you are attracted to, and you don't approach her, you feel that regret for the rest of the night and the next day as well. This would cause you to have a low score (Pain) for the day.

If you approach her instead, you feel in control. Even if you get rejected (or laughed at!) you will be able score higher for the day. You have confronted one of your fears. You were in control and that gives you power. Increasing your score day after day becomes addictive.

Remember, Regret = Pain and Rejection = Power.

After a few weeks, you will find that you need to do more to feel more powerful. You may need to start approaching women during the day when you are sober. You may need to sit your boss down and ask for a promotion. However, you won't be scared (still anxious, but not scared).

Apply this system to your overall goals of improving as a man. Mix in weightlifting, career, educational and social goals. You'll find the days that you are taking action to improve yourself are the days you will feel most powerful. And make sure you face your fears! Nothing is more powerful!

This post was heavily inspired by Dr. Susan Jeffers "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway". Dr. Jeffers developed the Pain to Power chart and concept. I highly recommend that you read this book!