Hey guys, I learned several important lessons this week, I want to share my story and what I learned.

I've been traveling throughout SE Asia for a few months. At the time, I was working in Laos, leading treks out of a small town, getting paid in food, alcohol, and cheap housing. It was fun but far from fulfilling.

Then I met her. This really cool Dutch girl. At first, she was traveling with another guy, and I assumed they were together so I held off and was just friendly. I met her the next night and realized they weren't together, we chatted for a bit, danced, and I walked her home and kissed her. The kiss was good but the circumstances were shitty, as some drunk italian dude was walking with us and being annoying, and I wasn't confident about the kiss. First, we just hugged and kissed briefly, I didn't want to make out in front of this guy because I thought she would be uncomfortable, then I called her name and walked up to her and kissed her more passionately, but part of that was because annoying Italian guy was basically telling me he wouldn't leave until the two of us had sex (he was just being drunk and trying to he a bro, but it made the situation weird). I then said good night and left.

Mistake#1: never assume a girl is dating the guy she's with, if you're unsure, just ask

Mistake#2: don't be afraid to ask for privacy, I could have asked the Italian dude to leave and done my thing, but I didn't because I lacked the confidence to do so.

The next few days were kind of a blur. We hung out a lot, went out partying at night, fooled around a bit, had some great conversations, but then she had to leave. I knew I really liked this girl though, and it seemed like she was really into me. I asked if she'd stay another day and she said no, and then I asked if she wanted to travel together and she said "that's up to you." It should have been obvious right then how this would turn out, but I was desperate to not part with her.

So, I left with her on a whim, mostly because my job didn't pay anything and I wanted to travel some more and I didn't want to be alone again. I thought it'd be romantic...sooo stupid. It was really just clingy and dependant.

The next few days, she remained friendly but became less and less interested sexually, until I asked her what was up and she said she just wanted to be friends. Since I still thought she was cool I lied to myself and her, and said I was fine with it, but I needed time to think. The only reason I didn't do the sensible thing and part ways then was because I hoped maybe she'd change her mind, which was also stupid of me.

During that time we booked a 2 day trip together to a beach party. HUGE mistake. We were trapped on an island together, and she moved on to new guys right away. I knew that would happen, knew it was a bad idea to go, and ended up getting extremely hurt by the whole thing.

She stayed friendly and supportive, but had thoroughly moved on and my emotional neediness basically scared her off even more.

In conclusion, I became too emotionally involved too quickly with a girl that was just looking to have fun, and blew it. When she knew that we had to part ways originally it was exciting and fun, but as I was traveling with her she lost interest. What should have been just a fun few days turned into a painful 1 week learning experience for me.

Here are some changes I need to make: get better at gauging interest, be more confident and willing to express my preferences, and be less emotionally needy. I also need to be more realistic and honest with myself. She wasn't willing to stay an extra day for me, why was I so eager to leave with her? Because I was scared and lonely. My behavior wasn't congruent with the persona she was originally attracted to.

Ideally, I would have left my job on my own accord, not just to chase a girl, that was the core mistake. I left because I was scared of being alone again, and that fear comes from a lack of love for myself and confidence.

And that's the crux of most of my issues with women, I don't love myself, and I'm having trouble figuring out how.

Thanks for reading and is love to hear your advice and perspective.