How to get a girl over her insecurities sex? Lmr is destroying me.

Hegemott · 2015-04-03T23:12:13+00:00

I'd like to redirect you to /r/sex. This is not a seduction issue, you have a sex issue caused by your partner. Assuming you like her for more than her body, this may be perfectly fixable. The guys who say to break up don't realize how some people aren't perfectly confident sexually. In comparison, on /r/sex I see these kind of posts every day and people actually help to solve the problems instead of telling you not to put up with them and break up.

windowtothesoul · 2015-04-03T21:19:01+00:00

Use your words and talk to her about it

the_pussinator · 2015-04-03T23:34:37+00:00

Ok, ok, I'm here, Thank you everyone, your contributions have been great. Help the cause! Anyways, I hear you have a situation on your hands.

My solution would be to encourage her, tell her its ok, be understanding, compliment her as you undress her, kiss all her body parts, lick her, run your hands down her back (Every girl loves that) the key here is to delay getting Inside her as long as you can (No longer than 20 minutes though, aim for 15). In theory this is great, but application is slightly different, read on my brothers/sisters:

Here's the rundown of how I personally approach this situation,

1.)You start kissing, making out etc, your hands should be running through her body, rubbing her lower back, palming her ass etc

2.)Move your kissing to her neck, (Note: not all girls will enjoy this, but most do). However, maintain the hand movement, almost massaging her as you run your fingers through her body. My personal favourite is stroking her back in preparation for 3.

3.)Your hands should be running on her upper back, the perfect position to remove her bra. Do so, slowly rub your hands on her back, where the bra strap was, sooth it. While doing this, move the kissing to her chest, and LICK her nipples. Yes, lick her nipples, and maybe suck them a little, get up in them titties.

4.)As you're getting jiggy with them tittays, run your fingers along the linings of her panties, but not inside them, let her feel your fingers slightly breach inside her panties but not at all. At this stage, you should be humping her, rubbing your tool against hers through her knicks.

5.) Move to kiss her navel and proceed to slide your fingers into her panties and do the finger play. (Rub clit, slide fingers in etc)

6.)If done right, you should be finger fucking her. Which is just a step away from fucking her. The key here is let her feel like you got all the time in the world. Every now and again, stop and just rub yourself against her.

7.)She should be ready for it. Naturally proceed to fuck her.

8.) If she's still not ready, this is when you look her right in the eye like a man and say "Come on, Just the tip."

innitgrand · 2015-04-03T23:06:00+00:00

First of all: communicate. The other tips are pretty shit in my opinion. Another thing I haven't seen yet is just relax and make her comfortable. Take your time, don't expect to have sex and just enjoy being together in varying states of nakedness. When she wants to talk, take the time to talk and enjoy that. When you've talked for a bit go back to kiss her and restart the escalation in a more intimate manner. You seem like you might be putting pressure on her which can be very uncomfortable for a girl. She needs to feel safe to give herself in that way. If you notice her freezing up ask her: what's wrong? Take the time to listen to her. You're not looking to get her to have sex with you, you want to have sex with her and make her comfortable. That means finding out what she's okay with and isn't: her pleasure is more important than getting your dick wet.

thekidbass · 2015-04-03T21:57:56+00:00

Communication is key

Hegemott · 2015-04-03T22:10:23+00:00

TLDR: if you're looking for a quick fix or a manipulation tactic, disregard my answer.

This is going to sound clinical so bear with me, I'm not a licensed professional but this modality does work for me in many contexts and I use it frequently when dealing with many personalities. There could be a million reasons why this is happening. As a dude who used to get caught up in my head and was never present, I can totally empathize with her. If she's straight up your girlfriend, and you genuinely feel it is a legitimate insecurity (vs some sort of "dumb game" she's playing), the only person who could answer this question would be her. If you're in a committed relationship then I will say exercising patience with her apprehensions will be the best course of action. Have you talked to her on a deeper level about your feelings regarding this, or perhaps her feelings too? The important thing regardless of outcome of the conversation is to reassure her that her feelings (as well as yours, but we're focusing on her at the moment) are totally common and normal. Helping normalize this feelings will hopefully make her feel more comfortable in a vulnerable environment, which ideally will help move you guys in the right direction in overcoming this barrier.

The important part about open lines of communication is interacting with your partner in a way that doesn't leave the other person defensive. It's generally a bad idea to use "you" statements e.g. "you always get me turned on and then you never put out. Why do you do this to me?" Instead use "I" statements, "I feel like every time we start messing around things fall flat right before..." or "I really like you and I want to share this experience with you. I want to make you feel good because you turn me on. I'm irritated because every time we're about to have sex, things don't work out for some reason." Using I statements takes the winds out of the other person's sails preventing them from getting defensive and hopefully allowing them the comfort of expressing themselves openly and honestly.

A lot of times just talking about the elephant in the room can take away it's power. If you want some guidelines for this type of conversation I'd recommend:

-in a non sexual environment let her know you have something you want to talk about in regards to sex or however you want to phrase it. Emphasis being, Hey I want to talk about something, not right this minute. I want to let you know now so you can gather your thoughts so it's not like I'm springing this on you in the moment.

-initiate and guide the conversation by expressing your "I" statements about the subject, and encourage her to let you finish your thought before she responds. After you've expressed yourself, Grant her the same respect she showed you and let her process that information and reply. Hash it out back and forth until you both feel like you both understand each other's perspective.

-Guide the conversation towards a solution, ask her what she thinks about all this and what does she think would be good ideas to fix it. Hash it out and come to and agreement (ideally!).

Thank her for sharing and again reassure her that her apprehensions are normal, validated and that you want to support her in this process of breaking down this barrier. Any level headed human being would respect this approach; you may find that this little bit of empathy shown towards her feelings may be exactly what she needed to let go of her inhabitions to go all the way. Hope that helps!

RPSigmaStigma · 2015-04-03T21:47:19+00:00

Dump her and go meet more chicks. No sex = no relationship

Title	How to get a girl over her insecurities sex? Lmr is destroying me.
Author	Throwasedditway
Upvotes	32
Comments	45
Date	April 3, 2015 8:49 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/31co1t/how_to_get_a_girl_over_her_insecurities_sex_lmr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-get-a-girl-over-her-insecurities-sex-lmr-is.1386214 https://theredarchive.com/post/1386214

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