Girlfriend of two+ years got out of town job offer for the summer and might be going away for two months. Need advice on how to approach this.

RedMindBlueEyes · 2014-02-17T22:42:16+00:00

You already know the answer to your questions, all you need to do is execute it. Seriously, it´s all over your post.

You don´t want her to go.
You´re pissed that she´s considering it.
you´re afraid that she´ll resent you.
You´ll miss having her around.
You want to keep her in town all summer.

You´re standing in her shade. Your life should be about you, you´re supposed to be #1. Your thoughts shouldn´t evolve around what you want from her, but what you want from you. Tell her it´s a good idea she goes, that will give you time to do the things you want to do - go on a vacation, or any other activity that doesn´t involve "proving" that she´s not the only one for you - cause it´s evident she is.

And then you fucking do those things. So that the NEXT time you meet someone, they will want to spend their summer tagging along on your exciting life.

...or you can stay home and sulk for 2 months, wondering what she´s up to...

itsmsbetty · 2014-02-17T22:46:26+00:00

"You're an amazing person who I love having a relationship with. Deciding to move away is your decision, and I support that fully. But on the other hand, I cannot be in a long distance relationship, and you moving would mean the end of us."

Simple, and straight. It shows you care about her, it shows that it's her decision, and it shows that you are not obsessive about her.

It depends on the women, but she might flip her shit if you say something like that.

"You don't care about me"

"We can do this! I'll visit once a week"

You have to stand your ground and be firm.

Whatever you do is up to you man, but take this advice, do not go into a long distance relationship. She WILL cheat. 100%. It might not be dick in vagina cheating, but it might be other sexual cheating, or emotional cheating because she's lonely. Do not fall into this trap.

She's amazing and all. But you can find other amazing chicks. Some problems you just can't control (like this). Some people's life's just take different directions

LunatykOne · 2014-02-17T22:28:01+00:00

I think being a good BF and keeping her in town may be mutually exclusive. You won't be able to do both of these things. No, this isn't advice. I'm just pointing out that what you're asking advice on isn't realistic to me.

PanelTruck · 2014-02-18T17:30:22+00:00

"whitin this" is incompatible with the red pill, there will be moments when life will put you at odds, and accepting something that you find unecceptable basically means putting your self in second place.

The hard truth is you're over invested in her. I understand that at your age things may be difficult. But also at your age, compromises are unacceptable. If you have a decent job, take care of yourself and have a home. You are the catch at this point in your lives.

Tell her immediately that living 2 months apart is unacceptable for you, and despite wanting to continue the relationship accepting that job is a deal breaker.(Proceed with caution this could be a bluff, she may use her stay to negotiate something, nothing can change maintain the same boundaries.)

Good luck.

yoy21 · 2014-02-18T04:13:30+00:00

How fragile is a relationship if 2 months is strenuous on a 2 year thing?

[deleted] · 2014-02-18T05:18:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

masterrod · 2014-02-18T09:42:22+00:00

Well if she's asking you what you should do, you should tell her, " I hate to see you go, but you have to do what a right for your career."

The thing is you're in committed relationship for 2 years and she's +35. So, you should ask yourself where is this relationship going. She is probably saying the exact same thing. She's +35 she knows what could happen.

So in addition to the obvious response, I'd talk to her about the future of your relationship, and how this trip will directly effect your relationship even talk about cheating, whatever is necessary. Then hopefully you develop some kind of compromise or understanding. I would also make sure there something you two are looking forward to after the 2 months, and some things to keep the fire going during the time away. Then roll the dice. See her as much as you can, don't get insecure about bs while she's a way. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. Main thing is that you can't be afraid to let her go, but you she must also know that you care.

See her as much as you can, during that time period.

Rollo-Tomassi · 2014-02-18T17:29:46+00:00

• You are 36 y.o. You are at (or should be) or approaching your peak SMV. A 37 y.o. careerist woman should not even be an option for your long term commitment.

• Your striving for an RP solution with a 37 y.o. careerist who's made her choices in life only highlights the scarcity mentality you still subscribe to. You still haven't Killed the Beta: http://therationalmale.com/2011/11/21/kill-the-beta-2/

• Striving to "live RP" means you haven't internalized the RP.

• Advice: Let go of your invisible friend, NEXT and only consider non-careerist women 27 - 30 y.o. women as potential LTRs. You've been warned. http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/20/letting-go-of-invisible-friend/ http://therationalmale.com/2012/01/19/next/

Pyrocyde · 2014-02-18T02:16:31+00:00

Keep her with you, less something might happen that she finds someone else that sparks her interest.

[deleted] · 2014-02-18T09:10:37+00:00

Five hours away? Two months? Dude, this isn't the end of the world, you are just catching a break. Now is the time to do all the other stuff you wanted to do. Hang out with mates, go on a holiday, get some stuff going. If it doesn't work it doesn't work. Five hours isn't that much and two months fly by fast (If you have fun anyways). She can come visit. If the relationship goes straight to shit, then it wasn't worth keeping anyways.

Don't worry.

thecajunone · 2014-02-18T11:50:22+00:00

Probably best to let it go and see if it comes back. She will fuck other people while she is there after all, regardless of a relationship.

Manuel_S · 2014-02-18T19:37:55+00:00

Why are you at 36 with a 37yo woman? WTF guy.

But whatever...

1 - Downgrade her in your mind.

2 - Have a great time while she is gone.

3 - Enjoy time with friends and other chicks and things like that.

4 - Do some chicks, cause she'll be doing some guys. Preempt that.

5 - Use condoms after she returns.

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