I'm 37, divorced, 3 young kids, and just broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years. I don't know how to be alone. Help!

EsseVideri · 2015-08-03T02:42:15+00:00

You're going from relationship to relationship. Spend some time focusing on being a dad and developing yourself as a person before you head back into the dating world

GooseNuckle · 2015-08-03T03:44:45+00:00

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18634307-the-rational-male

I recommend reading this book.

rawckee · 2015-08-03T02:40:28+00:00

dude, its time for introspection. i'm in no position to tell you who you are apart from what you wrote.

besides, being by yourself does not seem to be the issue here. i say heal that heartbreak and then take it from there.

2015-08-03T04:08:07+00:00

Dude those are great questions, and being alone helps you answer some of those questions. I'm only 25, and I can't even fathom how you're feeling or experiencing, but living by myself has taught me a lot more of who I was.

Being alone does suck at times, but I encourage you to look deep into yourself and figure out why you're so anxious about being alone. Focus on yourself. (super vague but seriously, it sounds like it would be a good experience, especially if you never been alone. besides, you're kids will always be your kids.)

reggiesells · 2015-08-03T05:09:12+00:00

things u can do advice. start from foundation and USE PENCIL AND PAPER something about the brain makes it work better.

write a list of things, things to do, hobbies, entertainment options, personal tastes, people, life choic7es, use your imgaination and just think about life and write down 'stuff' it really doesnt matter as long as its u and its free of destraction. maybe no word music? think of the opposites of the stuff you wrote and how you'd fare with it.

find yourself in this list. do what is finacially feasible and protect your wealth and your children in every way possible.

stay offline as much as you think the answer is here unless youe objective is more pronounced. as in, dont come looking to how to find 'yourself' so much as you came to find a specific group or type of people / interest that you are trying to connect with.

look into meditation and spirituality for what you think it is and how you fit in with this crazy ass world. quit being afraid of what ever is holding you back and ultimately... learn to love again brother.

this time though... realize that as much as you want to put your heart and soul out there for someone, the closer you get the hotter the fire the more to burn down.

find yourself accept the past. lock it down and get ris of it as baggage. learn your lesson. read a book or somethin and get some hobbies. be happy at home then become that lion again and get to huntin gazelles.

last but not least... think of yourself 20, 30, 40 years from now. are you gonna regret not takinf hold of your time and living it or are you gonna regret not doing 'something then' that tou always wanted deep down.

the world is your oyster, embrace the pearl if has to offer.

recyclablebantha · 2015-08-03T10:29:48+00:00

What's up guys. I've never really been alone in my entire life.

Then you seem to already know the problem.

But do you know why this is?

I had room mates all through college, met my soon to be ex-wife there and promptly moved in.

And throughout, you never had a pull to have your own place? Roommates drove me nuts in college. I was happy to get my own place.

After 8 years, a son, a set of twin girls, and an incident of cheating I ended up divorced.

Who cheated? Who called for a divorce? Noticing that you're using the passive voice here, which leaves it vague as to who did what. And yes, it's relevant.

When the marriage ended I was actually relieved as it was not even close to a good relationship.

Why do you think that you stayed in it, if it wasn't a good relationship?

What was bad about it?

Side-note: do you usually use such indirect language?

I spent my nights dealing with the divorce and working my ass off. Soon after I met someone awesome at the bar and we spent an AMAZING 1.5 years together. We had everything in common except she wasn't ready to accept the kids, which I just found out last week.

Wait, in your title, you said that you broke up with her. But this makes it sound like she was the catalyst. What exactly happened?

I'm devastated right now and truly frightened at the fact that I'm going to be alone for the first time in my life.

How long were you "alone" after the divorce?

I understand I have the kids and I can put a lot of life into them.. but I also have come to the realization that I have no idea WHO I am.

Do you have a tendency to sacrifice yourself for your friendships and relationships?

I have no idea how to walk up to someone at the grocery store and strike up a conversation.

This has nothing to do with "who you are." It's you overthinking. Little kids usually have no problem with this. They just walk up and do things like state the obvious ("Hey, I don't know you....") and introduce themselves.

I don't even really know what makes me me at this point.

Someone who walked the path they needed to, so that they could come to the realizations that you have come to.

How did you find yourself and your passions and what makes you you?!

Finding yourself....... finding your passions...... I don't think these things are a destination, so much as a path. And though you've left a TON out of your post that would help get a read on this situation, you seem to have spent your life living for other people.

So now maybe it's time to start throwing some balance into your life. You have to take care of your kids, obviously, but there's no reason why you can't start doing some things for yourself, as opposed to doing them only for others.

SuperStalin · 2015-08-03T11:36:38+00:00

IMHO being alone isn't a natural state of things for a human being. We're biologically social animals, and need to be around others of a similar age, not just act like monks with kids.

Admitting and knowing that fact liberates you to be alone. It will be difficult to actually be on your own, but you have to give yourself some time to sort things out. But don't overdo it, loneliness is unhealthy.

masterrod · 2015-08-03T16:51:29+00:00

Good thing about being alone, is just something you have to do it.

You're never going to know who you are. You must realize your only true power is the present moment. Practice ceasing that moment.

esperanzablanca · 2015-08-03T05:24:42+00:00

You have hobbies? Get into a tango class, a guitar class, and restore a motorcycle. There, you now have 3 hobbies to share with people.

piperson · 2015-08-03T05:42:30+00:00

There must be some groups that can help you with this. I've heard of the Mankind Project which helps men find themselves. Look into local support groups that might be helpful, as well as meditate. Spend time alone and ask yourself the big questions. Take a half hour to an hour every day just to be alone and think or write about yourself. "Who am I?" "What makes me most happy?" "What do I want out of life?" It's really important to ask these questions. Life only has mean to what you give it, so give it meaning.

pax_47 · 2015-08-03T05:48:54+00:00

You're on to some good questions here. These are very important things to realize about yourself. I have been alone for most of my life and it has really given me the chance to discover who I am and why I'm here. Just give it some thought and don't force or rush anything.

2015-08-03T08:11:09+00:00

check this blog out, they have pretty solid advice. Worth a gander: http://www.michaelgregoryii.com/

2015-08-03T09:40:45+00:00

Sorry man, yer gonna have to learn doing chores

2015-08-03T13:00:27+00:00

It always takes some time to adjust to being completely single. You'll probably go through a desperation phase (where I suspect you are right now)... that only lasts a couple of weeks, then when you start to settle into it, you start enjoying yourself. You can do anything you want, go anywhere you want, buy anything you want, be anyone you want without having to worry about someone else influencing (or stopping) the path your life takes. Its pretty cool. Use this time to read, catch up on your hobbies, start a new hobby, join a class...

Ive always enjoyed being single. Best time to grow.

Badgraphics · 2015-08-03T22:39:38+00:00

You figure out what you like to do. That alone could tell so much about yourself. An easy way to figure this out is, find someone super boring to talk to that can go on and on. It's kind of like meditation.. but instead of krishna and ohms your letting someone else take half the work. Don't walk away from them, stand your ground of boredom. Soon you will give up on pretending to listen and attempting to escape. Then you will think of something and that is what you like. Just don't think of penis. PENIS

Krazyflipz · 2015-08-03T03:06:24+00:00

Spend some time at the gym working on self improvement. It will help both mentally and physically. Also consider creating an online dating account on maybe Tinder or OkCupid. A little strange isn't going to solve all your problems but it is usually awkward and fun.

Also check out this video.

https://youtu.be/Wc5YM34AEQo

2015-08-03T16:59:56+00:00

Man up your 37 years old and have 3 kids. And nothing else matters more in this life than your children, your a father that's who you are deal with it!!

Title	I'm 37, divorced, 3 young kids, and just broke up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years. I don't know how to be alone. Help!
Author	mrbungalow
Upvotes	77
Comments	31
Date	August 3, 2015 1:47 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3fkk1c/im_37_divorced_3_young_kids_and_just_broke_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-37-divorced-3-young-kids-and-just-broke-up-with.1391970 https://theredarchive.com/post/1391970

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