I'm feeling weak in these areas. I've gotten in contact with one of my exes and the old blue pill me is coming up my throat. I thought I've gotten over her, but old feelings came back once we hung out during lunch.

Now at home, I'm trying to learn Spanish, read 48 laws of power and write my book report but thoughts of us being together keep popping into my head. Things like taking her to the park to "chill with me" like she's always wanted, going out to eat, etc.

I know I'm fucking my self thinking these thoughts because she broke up with me 3 times (back in my blue days where I would beg for her back) and I'm almost certain that the relationship wouldn't last, but it's getting in the way of my concentration.

I know it's a combination of one-itis and the sunk cost fallacy but I can't reason with myself. I want to "play this right" (as a way to redeem my self for my past failures with this girl and prove to my self that I have really changed). But on the flip side, girls shouldn't be my goal, but this is what I see as an opportunity to "hone my skills" so it's becoming a big deal to me which makes me more conscious to my actions since my sub conscious actions are very blue pill like.

TL;DR I'm losing my big self frame and feeling like going back to beta orbiter status.