Help with My Daughter

vox_veritas · 2014-04-24T21:32:54+00:00

I'd almost be more worried about your son's view of money. He was trying to borrow from Peter to pay Paul.

DKRises · 2014-04-24T20:06:51+00:00

I don't have kids so don't blindly follow whatever I say, this is just my opinion.

Call it out on your daughter and make the daughter pay the brother double back. And make her work for it.

It's hard to teach someone at a young age to not do something in the future. You tell your 12 year old kid to not have sex and curse and they are doing it behind your back regardless. So I'm not sure how to go about it, but I don't think it should be ignored.

p3ndulum · 2014-04-24T23:56:03+00:00

Sit them both down together and tell them what you know. Do not express anger or frustration, just tell them what you expect from them going forward.

Your daughter should return the money (forgive the "debt"), and you should tell your son that it's not his place to punish his sister in any way, because that's your job. And then tell your daughter what she did has undermined the trust that her brother had for her and that she will have to make it up to him.

The trick is to not take either side, but to remain ominous and objective.

You should also figure out something that you can take away from your daughter if she pulls a move like this again, just don't make it an idol threat.

That's it. A single warning, and everyone knows where they stand.

[deleted] · 2014-04-25T04:11:09+00:00

I'd like to add a bit of nuance to the discussion:

Your daughter sounds like a really street smart kid. You don't want to discourage her for using her intelligence and applying herself. But you certainly should punish her for being unethical. So punish her for that, and be explicit about the distinction (she should be old enough to understand the difference). Further, explain to her that if she wanted some money, she should try and find an ethical way to do it; not stealing and cheating. Encourage her to think of ways she can do that without harming another person. Bonus points if she can make money by helping the other person.

Also - and this is something my dad drilled into me when I was a kid - you should tell your son to always always always count money that he receives, before putting it away. It's not that you don't trust the person giving it to you. It's just that it helps avoid mistakes, and ensures that everyone is on the same page. If he is old enough, make it clear that the next time he treats money carelessly, he will be punished by having to compensate for it.

Disclaimer - I don't have kids, so please take what I say with a pinch of salt.

[deleted] · 2014-04-24T23:37:16+00:00

You could call her out, put her on the spot for lying, and showing that it's not something someone of good character would do.

Might also want to bring in the mom on this situation. I'm no parent, but the relationship dynamic of father-son is similar to the dynamic of mother-daughter.

Focus on your son and making him more accountable.

Could also bring her to the side and talk to her individually. It'll show that it's not about making an example out of her, but to teach her about life and consequences.

-Tyler_Durden- · 2014-04-25T03:19:50+00:00

9 year-old daughter manipulated/con'd her brother out of money.

You need teach your son not to be gullible.

As for your daughter, you need to instil a sense of agency within her. Teach her that (at least with you and your family) her actions have consequences. Take something away from her that she values and do not crack and back track in your decision. Your punishment must be respected and be final.

[deleted] · 2014-04-25T00:43:57+00:00

Why are you torn between two choices? Choices have consequences. Her choice to deceive has the consequence of punishment.

Establish standards for your kids and yourself that everyone lives up to. They are somewhat too young to understand that it is in their interest to live according to standards, but they can live through punishment/reward systems to help train their minds and their behaviors.

Don't just punish. Show a better way. Don't just talk. Show there are consequences for poor behavior. Swift ones, from an omniscient father. And over time teach them it is in their interests to live up to standards.

blahbergstein · 2014-04-25T05:23:55+00:00

I ask TRP because I see this as foreshadowing of her future womanly behavior and want to raise her not to be one of those women.

To be fair, this does sound like your pretty standard 9 year old older sibling behaviour. Not that it shouldn't be curbed, of course.

Lord_Perseus · 2014-04-25T05:25:39+00:00

I'd be more worried about my son for getting so easily duped by a 9 yr girl before I started on the daughter

cascadecombo · 2014-04-25T09:03:02+00:00

What age is the son?

But that doesn't foreshadow womanly behavior, it's just behavior in general. Both men and women steal, cheat and con.

NeoPrimitive · 2014-04-25T09:04:09+00:00

Good opportunity to teach your son not to be a sucker.

Pushnikov · 2014-04-25T11:35:20+00:00

This isn't womanly behavior. Men do this shit too. Lie, steal, etc.

I don't see anything wrong with what she did. Ethics is overrated, and if you want your daughter to be a shrewd woman, you should let her carry on.

Teach your son why that was wrong, why he should learn to trust his instincts not other people no matter who they are, especially women.

Otherwise, You are setting both up for failure then. You're teaching your daughter to be "ethical" and then some lying doichebag is going to fuck her nice and good and make her confused about what a good man is. And you are going to teach your son to be a blind fool who expects women to play by the rules and get fucked over emotionally until he goes beta like none other.

This is nature. Make them better at the game for their own sakes.

Title	Help with My Daughter
Author	RedPill808
Upvotes	6
Comments	17
Date	April 24, 2014 7:45 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/23vy5y/help_with_my_daughter/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-with-my-daughter.139518 https://theredarchive.com/post/139518

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