I get so overwhelmed at times by myself, and all this diversity of pickup advice online and courses and books is not really helping. I am feeling directionless, I'm have an intern which is up in one month in a grocery store - it is not ideal and I have things there I'm dissatisfied with, so I'm thinking is there a better place for me, but also I've been searching for a job for almost two years now, I need money to move out for myself, away from my mom and brother. I'm quite active on daygame these last weeks but I find myself spinning the wheels, maybe it's just to keep being persitent and grind, or I need a better strategy.. Then my mind gets lost for hours looking at videos and reading articles, considering getting James Marshall online book/course "Natural History", but I sadly don't have enough money. Daygame alone is very distressing and I can easily be tired out by all the anxiety at play and my fucking "limiting beliefs" and thoughts about why this isn't going to work out for me because of my childhood or this and that - I'm quite aware of this, and I'm not giving in to these thoughts fully, but it's very distressing, and I think there's some validity in them. I also am interested in drawing and am quite skillful at it, I have potential and have some loose goals of maybe starting a cafe or design-crew within illustration/graphic design, I've worked freelance for 8 hours before, but got depressed and overwhelmed, so the last 3 years has really been me "coming back to life", and I've grown exponentially. Then comes this perfectionism where like today I had a shitty day and daygame-session, and it's so easy and automatic for me to feel like I haven't done any good progress at all, even tho the last weeks has been good growth especially within daygame, just taking good action.

So what I'm saying is a struggle to prioritize.. Should I be focusing EXCLUSIVELY on getting a job and moving out first? I'm now doing both, but I keep getting "distracted" in one thing and kinda "losing myself". I get overwhelmed just by thinking about it, I've done it so fucking much before - So many shoulds; Draw more, meditate more, read more, daygame more, nightgame more (but i'm scared and don't know if it's "for me"), I should focus on getting cooler clothes (for daygame), I should...

This is more of a rant than a question, but any help/adcive would be much appreciated. I'm currently going to re-read "How to be an imperfectionist" by Stephen Guise, which has helped me lots before.