Preface: This is done in The Netherlands. Results, tactics and the entire going-out culture might be different and English is not my first language. This is as well my first ever written Field Report. I hope to get some advice back on what I could do better next time. Also, I'm 18 years old, almost 19.

 

Hello Seddit, hope you have your day going great so far!

 

Introduction

Last night I went out for the first 'real' time. I live further away from the city I go out, so normally I'd have to leave around midnight to catch the last train home. That's just a bummer, because the fun starts around midnight. Those students living in the city don't show up until later the night.

Glad I have a friend living in the city. I had the possibility to go out together with him and stay until the end (04:00). Ofcourse I took this chance and so we went. That was last night.

Now I take this Field Report as a way to reflect myself. What did I do good, what not so much and what obstacles were I facing. Also the wonders of being alone, but later more on that.

 

The setting

During the night, we've been in a total of three bars and one of them twice. There was a real difference in bar A at 22:00 and bar A around 02:00. In others terms than time, the atmosphere in all three bars was quite the same.

 

Bar A

We started the night relatively early around 22:00 in bar A. In the beginning it was really quiet with barely people around us. It doesn't really matter much, it's just the start. We drunk a beer or two and just had some fun for an hour.

My friend was getting me and himself a beer. When he walked away from the table we were standing, two girls in their probably early 20's came up to me. They seemed really insecure. I lead the conversation: introduce myself, ask them their names (but forget them an instant later, whoops...) and just general small talk. It was a little awkward at first ("Hey how are you?", her: "I'm fine. You?", "Good, you?" yeah... I was glad she just answered back again instead of awkward silence).

I could see that the person standing next to me is at least a little attracted to me and her friend constantly tries to take pictures of us together, which she didn't want. My friend came back with the beer and they seemed even more insecure than before.

Positives:

  • Girls approached me, instead of the other way around. Pretty cool.

  • Had a little conversation, lead the conversation.

Negatives:

  • I was still warming up, so not really into it and completely ready. That made the conversation and leading that a little awkward.

  • I didn't take much action, escalating wise.

Advice:

  • I could see the girl next to me was at least a little attracted to me. However, I was more interested in her friend, so that's why I didn't escalate much (even though both looked good and I could have used it to train my skills). How would I be able to do this? The focus was girl A and me, while I would have prefered girl B and me.

 

Bar B

After around an hour in bar B, we switched venues. Around this time, it was getting a little busier, which was fun.

However, I didn't really feel it in this club today. Normally I like going here and the atmosphere is generally really good, but there wasn't many girls my age (many a little older). We were here for an hour, but didn't do anything. No approaches from girls either.

 

Bar C

It's around midnight and we move over to another venue. It's seen as a student bar so there are in general a lot of students. That means there are females around my age. We were here for just less than two hours and it was great being there.

I moved away a little from my friend and discovered the venue a little on my own and just having a lot of fun. I saw a girl dancing with a man, and by their side was one other chick, looking a little bored. She seemed to not really like it that her friend was seduced by someone. I took the chance and danced a little with her, spinned her around etc. I didn't really get anything out this (a kiss on the cheeks and a minute later 'you can go back to your friends', I don't exactly understand why).

Positives:

  • Did not give fucks of whatever would happen or whatever I do. Ofcourse I won't do bad things, but normally I would not really dance (I am a bad dancer), but now I did. Part of it is caused by the alcohol. I did not drink too much alcohol though, so my mind was still clear and I can remember everything from last night (also, I've never ever had an hangover, so far).

  • Approached a girl myself. I don't know if I should count it as some sort of cheat, because she was seperated from her friend and it was a little easier approaching her this way.

Negatives:

  • Wasn't able to keep this girl for a long time.

Advice:

  • The girl was holding her drink in one hand, greatly reducing my opportunities and what I'd be able to do. I could only use one of her hands to dance with her, instead of both. How could I avoid such situations in the future and be able to use all opportunities?

 

Back to bar A

By this time, it was around 02:00, so another two hours to go until the end. My friend has to get back to his house to get his medication and I decided to finish the night until the end and stay. I gave bar A another try, as it seemed genuinely more crowded than in the beginning (it was full; one person out, another person in). This part is going out solo for the first time ever!

In these two hours, I had two opportunaties to dance with girls.

Girl A: I thought I'd seen her kiss with someone five minutes before and that guy was still by her, but not really 'with' her. While the girl and I were dancing a little and just having fun, that guy sometimes tells her something, but he didn't really do anything with her, like escalating or kissing. I was not sure if they might be a couple or something (because as a couple, you don't need escalating in a club and kissing can be done outside going out as well), so I decided to just dance and not really escalate into something. Eventually, they kept talking with each other and I decided to just move spots and leave them alone.

Girl B: This was just fun dancing with a girl and another dude. We had a lot of fun and we enjoyed it. I didn't really try to do anything. It was near closing time and I was getting enough of it all. The alcohol effects were almost completely gone and so was my energy. I decided after a while to go back to my friends home.

Positives:

  • Dancing with girls and having fun.

  • Abundance: I'm not fixed on one chick. If I can't get her or if something seems odd, I'll just go to someone else (even though approaching is not really easy so far. AA is still real).

Negatives:

  • Didn't escalate.

  • Depended my actions on others. Girl A seemed to be something with that dude? Abort all sexual intentions. Abort intentions.

Conclusing: solo is THE shit!

It's a surprising, but also not really surprising conclusion. The moments I was out there solo without my friend near me, all action happened. While my actions and skills were not really great, it was good enough for a first night out. Everyone has to start somewhere and I enjoy this adventure of small, little steps and getting better each time you go out.

It's not something that's for everyone. It takes balls and you are required to get out of your comfort zone and not hang around the bar with friends, drinking one beer after another and getting wasted. That's too much comfort, too easy and it's not good for you.

Thank you all for reading my first Field Report and I hope to get some feedback and advice on what I did -or didn't- do last night, so I can go out next time and be better than I have been tonight.