How can I bring up these issues without seeming beta?

drdrugdealer · 2014-09-23T03:57:16+00:00

Dude the first thing that stands out in your post is that you think "if she believes we have no future I would prefer to cut ties now". You are leaving the decision up to her. Man up and decide for yourself if you want this relationship to continue or not. If not, walk away. If you do want it to continue, be a man and tell her that you expect that she is moving with you and you need some details from her to finalize the moving plans.

[deleted] · 2014-09-23T07:27:39+00:00

[permanently deleted]

xwm · 2014-09-23T13:19:31+00:00

What the other replies are saying is true, but I would like to expand on them a little. This may come across as harsh, but I feel someone needed to say it.

When /u/asd1100 says:

you already are her pet

he is referring to the following:

I will be portrayed as

You will be portrayed as whatever you damn well want to be portrayed as. If you feel you are needy by asking, then you are needy by asking. Man up and own that shit and it will come across as a man.

Despite the fact that I am leaving so soon, we rarely talk about it and what plans we have for the future

You are the man, therefore it is your job to bring up the important shit. You steer the conversation, and she leads. This is basic captain/first mate dynamic.

know what she thinks

Who cares what she thinks? Either she follows or she doesn't. That is what you want to know, and you wont know until she does because a woman's word means fuck all

the fact that she makes me tell everyone I have a GF

She shouldn't be able to make you do ANYTHING. This was a shit test (or multiple tests) and you failed Every. Single. One of them.

she has not really told anyone outside of our friends here that she has a BF.

If this is true, you are not her boyfriend. I don't care what she says, her actions say it all. If a girl is really attracted to a guy, even for a single night, her besties have gotten to lowdown on it by the next day, even if it requires her to make up a name because it was her besties boyfriend. NO EXCEPTIONS. If her mother does not know about you, you do not have a real relationship. Unless her mother is dead or not on speaking terms (In which case replace mother with daddy), NO EXCEPTIONS.

this kind of bothers me

Be not bothered by the cobra when you bring it into your home and it bites you, for this is what cobras do when you do not take care to protect yourself. AKA: she's a woman, don't get annoyed by her acting like one. Be bothered with yourself for not providing boundaries and enforcing them.

is there any way to bring this stuff without being needy

To be honest, I'd say you need her to be interested in you, and to even have a real relationship with her before you can even consider asking her, which like the others said is still a bad idea anyway.

if my GF believes we have no future

She has, just look at her actions.

AdviceTRP · 2014-09-23T04:43:28+00:00

Personal opinion:

Break up. If she does end up moving over in the future and you reunite etc. etc. then great. But don't waste your time waiting on something that may or may not happen, and don't try anything long distance either.

Haptic_Affinity · 2014-09-23T13:13:19+00:00

You've been dating and never at least casually mentioned that you believe long distance relationships are bullshit and/or that you'd never do one?

She can't know and respect your boundaries if you NEVER SET THEM. how did you expect her to magically know? That way, when and if the time comes when she says she is not coming with you, break up with her without hesitation.

tombreck2 · 2014-09-23T13:48:11+00:00

we rarely talk about it and what plans we have for the future

When your moving day approaches don't be surprised when she says "we need to talk"

family/parents know absolutely nothing about me

Sounds like she isn't committed to the relationship

Title	How can I bring up these issues without seeming beta?
Author	redpill88
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	September 23, 2014 3:08 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2h6zko/how_can_i_bring_up_these_issues_without_seeming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-can-i-bring-up-these-issues-without-seeming.142347 https://theredarchive.com/post/142347

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