To make a long story short she's leaving, we will be filing the separation papers in a couple of months, got blindsided last year (from my perspective - yes I was wrong on quite a few things but never knew the impact on her- yes I've been selfish).

I've done a lot of introspection about my flaws and faults. At one point I got so down about it and so depressed about the idea of her moving the kids 110 miles away, I had thoughts like, "I wonder if I wasn't here..." etc. Anyways I got past that stage, realizing I had lost my identity in this marriage. I thought I had gotten at peace with this whole situation but after having some deep conversations with her and some mutual friends, which to be honest were very healing, I started to go through the feelings all over again. I thought I had really let her go but the closer we get to having everything packed, and the more we are nice to each other, I'm starting to feel re-attached, and going through the breakup all over again. Does anybody know what I'm talking about?

I'm giving myself some grace to let the feelings run through and go back over all the mistakes I made with an eye for what to improve. But I'm stuck on struggling how to re-imagine my life beyond this divorce, I'm stuck not feeling like I really know who I am, and I'm feeling her again, which is torture.

Would it be helpful to just go on a date or have coffee with a woman who's attracted to me, and make her laugh, and just have a good time, and take my mind off my soon to be ex and my children being split from me? Or would that make this worse?

How do I re-imagine my life and clarify and adjust my goals? How to I find myself as quickly as possible so that I'm not feeling like I'm a victim here? Just to be clear I'm owning the shit I did. I'll go ahead and say that I didn't provide up until last year, the 15th year of our marriage. I fucked up. But I have no choice here but to become a better man, a man I can look in the mirror and see and be proud of, a man my sons would be proud of. But just for a moment, could I put a smile on a woman's face and forget all this? If so how do I do that, without doing something I may regret later?

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