I’m tired of being a coward

DaygameCode · 2024-03-05T00:17:44+00:00

1 - You reject yourself because you don’t like yourself. You may have flaws that make you feel you aren’t attractive enough and as such project into other women that also wouldn’t like them.

This of course leads you to not try approaching them because you are afraid you would get confirmation that your flaws are undesirable.

And your self-esteem is better protected by the uncertainty of whether those flaws are actually not that bad than if you were to get absolute confirmation that they are bad. So, the best thing your ego can come up with is to just avoid approaching them.

2 - You fear bad outcomes for external reasons. Deep down you may think that approaching women you don’t know is a bad thing regardless of how attractive you are, as if it’s taboo or a huge unwelcome intrusion, let alone to hit on them, which you may assume would constitute harassment and make you a creep.

That perception is caused by your observations of what women say they hate:

You saw them complaining about cat calling, you saw them complaining about creeps who stare at them for too long, complaining about guys who bother them with unsolicited attention when they are just trying to go on their way. This of course makes you afraid to be perceived as one of those guys and since you see yourself as un attractive for them then you assume that’s exactly how you will be perceived if you tried talking to them and you will make them uncomfortable.

You think if a woman suspects you are flirting with her this is basically a crime, like harassment, or like you are behaving a in a very unwelcome way which women and society will condemn you for.

This internalised belief that flirting with women is unwelcome by women makes you want to avoid it, but since you see other guys doing it and not facing bad consequences you experience a dissonance where your beliefs about flirting being y welcomed contradict your observations that some guys do get away with flirting no problem.

This makes your brain fill in the gap by assuming that if women like it when some guys do it it’s because they are attractive, whereas you are not, and as such you don’t have the same right as those guys to hit on them.

For them it’s allowed, but for you it’s forbidden is your mentality basically.

3 - You fear not living up to her standards. You may think that even if you tried, you wouldn’t have anything to say, you would be looking for ways to impress her or say the right thing and fail causing them to be disappointed or turned off by the awkwardness.

This would make you feel like you are a loser who can’t even talk to girls like a normal human being. The girls would look at you with pity and disdain, as if you are a weirdo, and the disapproval would make you feel like shit, as if you got further confirmation from them that you are unworthy of them.

Conclusion:

Ultimately, this is your body responding to a situation which you are not ready for. It’s protecting you from yourself because your ego (who lives in your brain) knows you don’t have any control at all over all the multiple negative outcomes that could happen due to your inexperience.

That means you have to go on a learning route, reading seduction books, emulating guys who are good at talking to girls, build resilience, learn humility, learn to practice self-love, learn to stop comparing yourself to others, learn to stop caring what other people think of you, learn to talk to girls, learn to detach your sense of self-worth from the outcome of the interactions you have with girls, learn to validate yourself, learn to not take yourself or others so seriously, learn female psychology and how to be smooth.

A lot of work as you can see. Some guys were raised right and learned all this naturally as growing up, you however did not. You learned the wrong things and now it's time to unlearn them

Slow-Resolution-3748 · 2024-03-04T23:48:47+00:00

Same boat bro, it sucks for us.

ROBYoutube · 2024-03-05T00:04:41+00:00

You know what doesn't help anxiety? Self loathing. I don't think beating yourself up makes you a better talker, and I don't think being a confident speaker makes you not a coward.

There's a whole bunch of really loaded language in your post there. So much so that I'd actually recommend seeking the opinion of a mental health specialist. They will give you the skills to combat anxiety as part of treatment.

If you want to do it the longer way, forget about picking up women. Just talk to them. Talk to everyone. Don't jump straight in to the most complex interpersonal relationships we have. Just talk to folk and build your confidence slowly and over time - like every other skill on earth.

CharmingRejector · 2024-03-05T02:19:00+00:00

Sounds to me like you're making this whole thing into a way bigger deal than it has to be.

Look, when you speak to a girl, the goal isn't to marry her. It isn't even to get her to like you. You're not supposed to perform for her! Let go of that immediately, and it'll take a huge load off your shoulders.

Here's the goal: The goal is for you to have fun. (!)

When you self-amuse, and have fun, and talk to women, your vibe will transfer over to them. That's when they suddenly let down all guards, as you become their source for fun and good vibes in the world. But first you've gotta have fun yourself.

It's not about impressing anyone at all. If that's what you're doing, then no wonder you're worried and nervous! Your single job is to make sure your own mood is good, otherwise there's no point in meeting women in the first place.

With that said, I advice everyone to learn how to do social vibing, because it's a strategy that's built for one thing only: To maximise good feelings when you interact with other people. It's the most important thing to learn before you even try to do anything remotely sexual and romantic. And best of all, it works on both sexes.

Another way to minimize the pressure, is to just open everyone with easy small-talk. It's called "Being The Mayor." Google it if you don't know what it is.

sherwin0800 · 2024-03-05T02:36:04+00:00

When it comes to approaching/complimenting girls, I have this weird mentality that helped me get over it.

I think a girl is pretty, does she not deserve to hear it? Isn't it selfish of me to not compliment her and let her know I thought she looks good? Am I so selfish that I'm going to let fear of rejection stop me from putting good energy out there into the world? Isn't it a little disrespectful in a way to not tell someone something good because I'm too in my own head about it? Even if I get an un-ideal response, I know that my intentions were clear.

Idk, works for me. Made me realize that I'm internalizing the joy I want to put out into the world; I've been selfishly keeping it to myself.

Chicagoj1563 · 2024-03-05T17:44:30+00:00

Your problem is you care too much. You have to destroy your ego so you simply don’t care about one interaction. Have an abundance mentality so you know you will be approaching lots of women. Stop caring about outcomes.

Title	I’m tired of being a coward
Author	cryengineP
Upvotes	6
Comments	13
Date	March 4, 2024 11:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1b6q80c/im_tired_of_being_a_coward/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-tired-of-being-a-coward.1427304 https://theredarchive.com/post/1427304

Comments