So, I have read a lot of good posts about how it is possible to get an attractive girlfriend, and it has lead me here. Now this probably isn't the place to put this, but I feel like I just need to write down my thoughts (with a throwaway account), as sporadic as they may be.

Please don't downvote or upvote this, I just need to let some things out. If you have any advice, comments, or whatever, feel free to leave them here.

So what has been on my mind a lot is that: I want a girlfriend and eventually a wife. I am 21 so I know that I am young, but having never had an official girlfriend before, my mindset is not what it should be.

Something I struggle with is that, I want a very attractive girlfriend. I am not about pickup tactics, I don't want lots of women in my life (not saying there is anything wrong with that stuff, just not my cup of tea), I just want 1, and I want her to be amazing. Am I wrong for wanting that? For wanting to marry a girl I would consider a 10/10 on the outside and inside? I know I shouldn't use the whole 1-10 scale system, but just trying to get my point across that the women that I want in my life, I want her to be so gorgeous that I am never left wondering if I could have done better.

Does that make sense? Is that possible to achieve? I read so many things that contradict each other like "10's get approached all the time, so you better be the best and use the best lines" and then "10's hardly get approached because she is so intimidating, so just be yourself" , or the "be direct and say you think she's pretty and you'd like to get to know her better" vs "don't ever compliment a 10, she knows she is pretty". Another one is that "To get a girl that looks like a 10, you have to be a 10 yourself. You have to be rich, be jacked, have a perfectly trimmed beard, etc." and then "just be yourself. Girls are attracted to so many things. Guys are more visual than girls, so while you might not think you look good enough for that hotty over there, you might be just what she is looking for.". Another classic is the "You have to approach a 10 differently" vs. "they are people to. Approach them like you would anybody else, they will appreciate it."

It just hurts my mind. I have come to the conclusion that I should just be myself, don't think, just do, go up and talk to her. Because every single situation is different, every women is different. And that the girl I want in my life will like me for me, not because I rehearsed a line several times and am using techniques that aren't me.

But it's tough. You see a girl that makes you go "wow", and 3 seconds later you have talked yourself out of it.

I am trying to get in the right mindset, and I go through waves of confidence. For a little while I'll be thinking "Yeah, I am the prize! I can totally get the most beautiful girl in the world! I can do this! When I approach, it's not about trying to validate myself, it's about validating if I want to be with her, is she good enough for me?" and a little later on I'll start thinking more negative thoughts again "Why would a girl who looks incredible, who is my definition of a 10, ever want to go out with me?"

I have to remind myself that, yes I am pretty awesome! I am 21, living on my own, attending university for Computer Science. I am constantly working on improving myself. A year ago I was terrified of driving a car (crazy right? That's another whole story about mental blocks), and know I own my own car. I couldn't cook like at all, now I enjoy cooking. I like puzzles, and learned how to do the rubix cube in an evening because I was interested in it. I am funny, and generally cool. So yes, I can do this! I could get any girl, I CAN get that girl who makes everyone turn heads when she enters the room, and SHE would be lucky to date ME. I would treat her like a queen! No typical fancy dinner first date that she has probably been on a few times. I am talking about a picnic in the park, kite flying, walk to an ice cream parlour kind of date. I know that I am a catch.

But then, I have doubts again.

It's hard. To get over that mental barrier and stay there. Like, can I actually get a girlfriend who is that good looking? Are the "9's" and "10's" attainable? For me, I find the model Stacey Poole to be like, incredible, and I dream of one day having a wife who looks like that (I feel incredibly bad for even admitting that) But I don't know, is that possible? I read a lot of posts that say it is, but I have never really felt like any have been directed to me. They are mostly talking about short term situations, which again, is fine, I am not judging, but I don't want to "get laid in an hour" or anything, I want to make a connection, take her out on an awesome first date, and try to see if this relationship could lead to a life together.

Are my preferences holding me back? Should I give up on trying to find a girl I think is physically perfect, and equally so on the inside as well, or should I "settle"? I hate that word, "settle". I personally don't think I should settle, and I wouldn't want my girlfriend to think she is settling with me either. I need to keep improving myself. That's my confidence again though, sometimes I think that I am not the best, and other times I feel invincible, if only for a short while.

Besides just what is going on with my mentality, another problem is where am I going to find her? As a university student, my time is pretty limited for going out. And, I don't actually care for bars, clubs, socials, parties, what have you. Not saying there is anything wrong, just stating my preference.

I don't know, the mentality is for sure the hardest part. It is also the fact that when I see one of these girls (which is very rare since I am talking about like, what I consider the best of the best. yikes I feel bad even just saying that), I put them on a pedestal. I know I shouldn't do that, but it's hard not to. Like, I understand that she has flaws, and that nobody is perfect.

hmm...hopefully I am being somewhat clear with this, I haven't put any time in formulating my thoughts, I am just typing as I think.

I guess what I want to know is: Am I unrealistic? Should I give up on my chase for the 10/10 girl? The one that makes everyone turn there heads, and say "why is SHE with HIM?!". I know this post isn't really about "seduction", but I am just wondering if it's possible?

If you have read that entire wall of text, thanks. Honestly, I feel like I could go on for ever, but I really want some pancakes right now, so I think I'mma make some now :)

Have a good day!