I'm currently at the lowest point of my life, and need advice to rebuild myself from the ground up. I need to get out of my comfort zone, but how?

LosHyperion · 2017-07-30T13:58:15+00:00

Few things..

You started with a sorry and ended with a sorry. Stop being sorry. You're a champion and you shouldn't be apologising for losing your way. There is an average of 100 million sperm per ejaculation and you beat every single one of them to win the race. Your reward was life and to be honest you're wasting it. You're wasting your reward and you have forgotten how to be a champ. You're looking a gift horse in the mouth. The ground is full of dead men that would do anything to have the opportunity that you currently have. Now you just have to remember how to do what comes naturally. Win.

This is open to criticism but this is my honest opinion on what I feel you need to do:

If you smoke or drink stop it immediately. Take control of your health. Stop attaching happiness to obtaining a perfect body. There's no such thing as a perfect body and you run the serious risk of damaging your health due to your body dysmorphia. Focus on healthy eating, lots of fruit and veg and tons of water everyday and your body will prosper.

If you masturbate , stop it immediately and get over to https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/ this is likely a major contributing factor to your self loathing and shyness around girls. Your brain is used to demolishing the hottest chicks on the planet with zero effort. However when you look up from your phone its just you in your mess. Keep your hands to yourself and confidence will skyrocket.

Hit the road. Start running, better than any therapy. Talk to yourself while running, refer to yourself as a champ and motivate yourself. Do this every day. If you're not used to running I recommend the 'couch to 10k' method.

Learn to love yourself. You can hit the gym and get your magical 20 pack but if you despise yourself no girl is gonna go near you. Stop being so hard on yourself, but make a promise to yourself that you will improve daily.

I will close by saying that you seriously need to work through all of your issues. Best of luck with it.

Incitatus_ · 2017-07-30T12:40:49+00:00

I imagine you'll hate me for saying this, get therapy.

Seriously, you don't want to be approaching girls and experiencing extreme psychological distress or thoughts of suicide.

Rejection is part of the journey. And if you get rejected a lot (which all good seducers do) I would hate to imagine that you are getting suicidal over it. So get therapy first, get to a stable level of emotions. I wouldn't touch seduction or pickup till you feel like you have some sense of self esteem. Delete tinder off your phone too.

Morokweng · 2017-07-30T13:10:34+00:00

Don't give yourself a deadline. The time is going to pass and one day you're going to be dead anyway, so you might as well commit to having a good life before you turn to dust. I started pretty much where you are now, so I'd say that transformation is entirely possible. But I don't think that the deadline will help you in any way.

Being overweight... start eating right and going to the gym, which you have started so good on you. Do compound lifts and cardio, don't injure yourself, read Starting Strength. Next time you want to eat some junk remember that the immediate satisfaction of eating that thing is taking away from your future goals, and nothing tastes as good as being in shape feels. Learn how to cook and eat lots of vegetables. A healthy rate of fat loss is about 50lbs per year. Weigh yourself regularly and chart all of your progress. Drink lots of water, don't drink your calories.

You're depressed, gym and improved diet will help with this due to hormones. Meditation also helps, mindfulness is where you step back from your own thoughts so that you can observe them more objectively, rather than believing every thought that pops into your head and being swept along with them. You can come to see bad thoughts as harmful patterns that are thrown up by a diseased brain, and you can choose to starve those thoughts of attention by willingly refusing to dwell on them. Here's a video on how to meditate.

Anxiety and fear are things that you simply need to face. You need to go out and get the reference experiences that show you that nothing bad will happen to you when you go out and talk to girls. Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear. But you also need to learn to be free from outcome and not rely on external validation to be happy and confident, because if a girl not giving you approval can destroy your confidence, then you're not really confident. Confidence also doesn't come from success, it comes from failure, going through shit, and knowing that you're going to be alright.

You need to stop comparing yourself to other people, and no that no matter how fit, successful, rich, or how many girls fuck you, there will always be someone out there better than you in every way. Trying to find happiness like this is like trying to count to infinity, there will always be a bigger number. If you have to compare yourself to anyone, compare yourself to yourself this time last year. But the real way to happiness is to change your paradigm of thinking entirely, and realise that happiness and confidence are your default state and the only reason you don't feel that way is because you're blocked by a ton of emotional baggage that you need to let go of. You reach infinity by starting with infinity, not by counting up to it. Here's a video about that.

Good luck, do your best, don't kill yourself that's stupid.

Maturion · 2017-07-30T14:38:30+00:00

Don't set yourself a deadline. Changing yourself will take its time, but you've already done the most important thing: realizing you have to change.

Tinder and nightclubs are superficial ways to get to know people. You only have a few minutes (or in case of Tinder, only a few pictures) to make an impression. So if you're a naturally shy / reserved person or don't immediately look hot on pictures, it's hard. Even harder without a wing. I suggest to casually bring more women into your life. Not necessarily ones that you're romantically interested in, but you need some female friends. They'll have other girl friends and sometimes even try to set you up with one of them. Also try to get some new male friends, this will both train your social skills and get you new perspectives. If you start going to the gym, try to casually make new contacts there. Try being more open and extroverted. There's a lot of guides on the internet on how to improve your conversation skills with women.

What I suggest more is daygame (approaching random women at day). It is easier, there is much less competition and it can be used in almost any situation. I met an ex-girlfriend on a train when I asked her about the book she was reading. Never ever try to force a conversation on a girl that is seemingly not interested or busy, but act when you think it might work. I had so many positive interactions with other people when I started doing that. You see some girl each morning while waiting at the bus stop? Talk to her.

Also don't let rejections get you down. Even the greatest seducers get rejected regularly. And I mean, you're new to this and you're at a low point of your life. Of course that will happen to you, it's normal, it's not a big deal.

2017-07-30T18:10:35+00:00

Pick ONE thing, one thing only to improve. Focus on it, make a plan, stick to the plan, SUCCEED.

1) Overweight

2) anxious

3) scared of women

4) depressed

5) self-conscious

Pick one, work on it, research, get professional help if you need it. SUCCEED.

Disciple_Of_Ross · 2017-07-31T02:44:41+00:00

Hypnotica's collection of confidence did the trick for me when I hit a low point in life.

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