Not sure which is the correct RP action after girl cancels

Thizzlebot · 2014-11-08T23:33:51+00:00

If she bails and doesn't suggest another time next because she's not interested enough. If they suggest another date (which yours did) it means she really is tired or whatever but still wants to see you in the future.

SemenMoustache · 2014-11-08T23:13:38+00:00

As a general rule for me, if someone cancels but suggests an alternative then I don't read too much into it.

I'd just roll with it and go out with her next week if it suits you. Especially considering it's a group thing she's bailed on and not just the two of you.

Maybe that's it and she'd prefer just the two of you going out?

fnordsnord · 2014-11-10T22:00:52+00:00

It's pretty simple: if she flakes because she's "too tired," it doesn't pass the Cluney test. (Would she be too tired to go out with George Cluney?)

However, she does offer an alternate get together.

It it were me, I'd let this one slide and take her up on the alternate date. If it becomes a pattern: next.

TRPFlame · 2014-11-08T21:03:44+00:00

Give it a week. Don't text her until then.

straightstoic · 2014-11-09T05:07:42+00:00

Given the two facts that:

She provided me with another chance to get together, by asking if I was free tonight as well as suggesting to go for a hike/activity during the week, and
I invited her to an event which would involve alcohol, groups of people she didn't know, "friday night party" mentality.

My logical thoughts are that she was genuinely tired and uncomfortable going to a large social interaction.

G:"Awww I wish I was out :( I'm just not feeling my best at the moment!!!!" A combination of anxiety from unknown people, alcohol, being fatigued, could make anyone want to take it easy for the night. I honestly think I was too upset at the time to see that.

In a way, I feel like I lost frame and allowed my emotions to partially lose my footing. What resonates with me from some stuff on TRP is the idea that there is a general frame that can be maintained that isn't only in reference to women, but your life as a whole (work, friends, life problems etc.), going into monk mode perhaps?

I try and think of it as water off a ducks back. Without that state of mind, you could allow emotions to confuse your perceptions, which may lead you to act as a child employing mind games because you didn't get your way.

@the_Milkweed -> Agree. Amplify. Making a flirty joke which shows that her not coming did not phase me, yet would have ended the string of texts in a positive/sexual angle. This is Gold. These are the thought patterns I hope will soon become reflex to me. I wouldn't push for having sex that night with it, but it would more or less be considered a joke to maintain sexual innuendo until the next time we meet.

@azheid -> I agree with abundance mentality, which is why I do not regret, not setting a date the following night. Again, she missed out and now is left with thoughts that she's just another number in my phone. Truth is, my balls are blue and the next girl I sleep with will have to dodge my cum shot like Neo in the matrix.

I'm calling her tomorrow, planning for a coffee, enjoying the fall air in the park. Keeping it brief but enjoyable and hopefully creating more attraction physically in that short time, so she won't be so surprised when I lay a kiss on her at the beginning of our next date. (Recently read a post about doing that and was eager to try it that night, but... well...)

Will post FR with results. Thanks for the insight gentlemen, very grateful this forum exists. Criticism and theory always welcome.

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-11-09T06:26:37+00:00

You should have a backup plan if a bitch flakes.

SkorchZang · 2014-11-09T07:48:00+00:00

Normally you'd give it a week, then ask her out one more time (zero butthurt, like nothing ever happened).

Since she's all about giving you alternative times/days though, that's different so it's cool if you want to go on a hike. "ok, let's do hike Tuesday but you have to wear a stupid hat."

Just saying that is really punishment enough, you made your point. But it's also kinda funny which leads into flirty banter, why you like stupid hats ("I dunno they just turn me on"), and all that kind of shit. Short circuits the bullshit "serious" frame around her being so empowerd pulling all the strings on you.

the_Milkweed · 2014-11-08T21:11:24+00:00

IMO you are thinking too far into it. And because of that it will be projected on to your actions.

Replace the idea that she is someone you want to potentially bang with the idea that she is just an acquaintance you wanna meet up with to talk about work or school with. Would the circumstances be the same if this acquaintance acted the same way she did?

Agree

Amplify

Maybe she is tired, skip the BBQ and go to her place:

"Tired? I am known for amazing foot/back massages"

Title	Not sure which is the correct RP action after girl cancels
Author	straightstoic
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	November 8, 2014 8:46 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2lpbxx/not_sure_which_is_the_correct_rp_action_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/not-sure-which-is-the-correct-rp-action-after-girl.143514 https://theredarchive.com/post/143514

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