I'll give some details on my upbringing.

Growing up I was very anti-social, ridden with social anxiety and overweight/ugly. I honestly had no chance with girls. My only output was through porn. And I definitely developed a porn addiction, but not for any porn - fetish stuff, the whole lot. I wanked a lot several times a day throughout my teenage years.

Well fast forward to 18 years old and I realize things needed to change. I lost a lot of weight, added muscle and changed my appearance. I was still quite anxious so eventually through reading books and meditating I mostly rid myself of that anxiety.

Now fast forward to my First year of University. Girls were interested in me, but the porn addiction really hindered me and made me indifferent to sex. I was so addicted to the fetish shit that I lost out on many girls. Eventually I overcame the fetish porn addiction and gained a 'normal' sex drive.

First year of university is gone. Now I'm in my second year

But the problem is that I'm still afraid. So far I've had sex with 2 escorts (perfectly legal where I live btw). I thought this would help me get over my fear of sex. The first time I was terrified, and the escort had to take control and ride me. There was no real foreplay or anything because I was nervous. I thought the horniness would override the nerves but it didn't, she had to take control.

The second time I saw an escort she had to take control and initiate too. She even told me that I was nervous (and I was). With both escorts, I lasted ages and was hard throughout but the issue was that I just tense up in the beginning. I always need the girl to take control in the initial stages.

I thought that seeing escorts would help but I'm still scared of having one night stands at university. I've met a lot of girls who were into me and gave clear IOI's that they wanted to fuck but I was too scared to go through with it. And this is even with alcohol involved

I try to drink a lot to get rid of the fear but it doesn't happen. I mean I can make out with lots of girls in the club and cold-approach in clubs, dance, etc. That stuff is easy, but when it comes to sealing the deal, I'm always afraid, even when I'm drunk. I just wouldn't know what to do when I bring them back or if I went to their place. When I saw the escorts I was fully sober but even drunk I don't know how to escalate.

Any help on this? I'm missing out on lots of chances with hot girls because of this. Many times I've known I was capable yet missed out. Alcohol helps me land makeouts, dances, etc but even when drunk I'm still afraid of taking a girl back home. Unfortunately I imagine most 'real' girls don't want to initiate, it's up to the man to initiate.

Shall I just see more escorts until I'm finally comfortable? I noticed that after I lost my virginity to a prostitute I began to get more make-outs and stuff in the club, mybe because I became more physical? I dunno