TL;DR: very good texting, good conversation, okay kino, no kiss close, no multiple locations, forgot to plan next date

So I went on my first real "date" after a 9 long term relationship. This is the field report.

Background info: I've decided to work on myself after the breakup. What I've done in these 2-3 months:

  • Weight training + losing weight
  • Got comfortable with eye contact with strangers, colleagues, and so on. I'm not at the point where I can lock eyes when I am talking like Bill Clinton does here, but I'm getting there.
  • Started partner dancing (salsa, bachata, etc.) which has had two benefits: 1) meeting new girls every day (so I'm getting used to being around them), 2) gave me some social circle
  • Started saying yes to every "let's do X/Y" offer from pre-existing friends and social circle
  • Worked on posture, hand movements, etc
  • Improved conversation skills (by actually listening to people instead of waiting for my turn to speak)
  • Started opening basically anyone at anytime, from random people in shops to colleagues in the office kitchen
  • Baby steps towards cold opening w/ a direct approach

These changes have made me considerably more confident in myself. I am not yet where I want(ed) to be, but I've made good progress. Also, my life is extremely busy now because of them (I dance 4-5 days a week, have multiple events planned each week, and so on), so it gives me some of the abundance mindset.

Tinder conversation: I open with a shitty opener, after 2-3 messages I ask for a number. I then don't text much, except for saying "hey let's meet, I'm free tonight (wed) or on sunday". She says sunday. On saturday I text "tomorrow at 4 at XYZ location. Does that work for you?", she says yes.

Day of the date: I arrive there 15 mins late (not planned). We hit off decently, start walking around the park. My plan was to go to a coffee shop and then walk, but I don't see any. I should have planned better.

We have good conversation and I actually like her personality. After about 45mins walking (some kino), we grab a coffee and lay down in the grass. We continue chatting (and some flirting) and I do more kino, touching elbows/back/knee. We start staring at each other more. I feel like it's starting to be a good time for the kiss. This is where I've fucked up: I don't go for a kiss. Some more time passes and more chatting. We feel more close on a psychological leval but I kind of scale back kino (I am an idiot).

After a while we realize it's time to go. We still have good convo but the station is close, 5 mins tops, so there's very little time to close. And again, I don't do it.

Another mistake: not trying to set up a second date.

We part each other.

So this is it. I think I've done good tindering and texting, good eye contact, good conversation, and good kino (but only up to the point of putting my hand on her knee for a few secs). Then, the failure of kiss closing got me.

What I can do better next time:

  • Have better plans
  • Kiss close when I feel like it's time to. Inaction is worse than rejection
  • set up the second date during the first one
  • I did a bit too much of push, next time I should pull more

Hope this helps others avoiding my mistakes.