Dealing with a negative reputation in college

vargabeela · 2018-06-19T14:04:42+00:00

You need to change your mindset, they probably react condescending and weirded out bc thats the way you percieve yourself to. It is hard but try to actively change your aura. If you meet people try to actively engage in the conversation, be nice and pay attention to what they say. The reason they probably think your weird and "creepy" is bc thats what you think about yourself to, you've made that pretty clear by the way you talked about yourself. The first person whose opinion/image should change are you. If you start to accept yourself and try to get rid of traits you dont like people will react to it differently. Get rid of this "im an outsider, no one likes me" mentality. No ones against you, there's no "me vs. them". If you think that your collegues judge you and have negative views about you prove them wrong, but also remember that you cant please everybody. Theres no problem with going your own way and being little bit different but remember a little bit of kindness can really have an impact on the people living around you.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-06-19T14:46:02+00:00

1

I'm socially awkward and have developed a negative reputation as a weirdo and a creep.

This sort of reputation arises because one is too heavily focused only on what they personally want, and so self-absorbed that they have little to no awareness of what others around them want.

As unintended as it is, you are sub-communicating to women that you don't give two shits what they want, and will probably just be a danger to them if they are alone with you.

2

Well, girls still rejected me, walked away from me and thought I was going to have sex with them when I wasn't even planning to.

What are you actually saying to people when you open them? What are you doing, literally?
What is their response to your opener, usually?
What do you talk to people about after the opener?
When and how is is usually going wrong?

3

So, in short, on my campus, I've tried to put myself out there and have developed a negative reputation as a result of it.

You haven't gotten a rep because you put yourself out there. People put themselves out there all the time and the automatic result isn't a bad rep.

What's happening, I've already laid out in #1.

muse933277 · 2018-06-19T20:31:30+00:00

I get exactly what you're saying.

I have aspergers too and have known plenty of other people with aspergers. And yes, some of the people I have known with autism/aspergers tend to come off as the weird or creepy person, to people who don't understand them.

What do these particular people with autism/aspergers that come off as weird and creepy have in common? They tend to either neglect their appearance (they look unclean, untidy, or wear sloppy clothes) or they dress very eccentrically which doesn't match what everyone else is wearing. They tend to either be unfriendly, and maybe even rude and cold towards others. They also tend to do and say things that makes other feel uncomfortable without realizing what they're doing is making others feel that way.

With these girls, what likely has happened is that for whatever reason, you creeped them out. Maybe you were too sexual too early, maybe you lashed out at them when they rejected you. And if you've ever been around girls, you know they gossip. So they probably talked to their friends and other girls in the dorms about this "creepy guy" who tried to hit on them or lashed out at them when he got rejected. So now, when the other girls from the dorms see you, now they hold you in a negative light.

ReighIB · 2018-06-19T23:52:58+00:00

which has made me the target of racism at least once or twice, once in the form of "why are you hanging around white people?"

Don't think like that. Doesn't matter if other say that to you. The more you think about it, the more it becomes real to you. Racism doesn't exist. If you really go beyond the surface of the skin and REALLY think about it, the concept of racism starts to fall apart and its not black and white but more like different shades of greyness in a giant scope of other factors that make up the entire human capacity for hatred. The colors are just easier to spot and doesn't require you to go beyond the surface of what racism entails and how it is used to cover up something much deeper and malicious intent.

I can go into deeper explanation if you want but NEVER develop the mindset that you are a victim of racism. Doesn't matter what other people tell you. Be your own self without being dependent or overly attached on something you had no control over.

Back to the topic

Preface: I was never good with girls. All throughout high school I didn't even know how to have a conversation with a girl. I was embarrassingly bad with girls.

Went to college thought I can start fresh but old habits die hard. First few weeks as a freshmen everyone is meeting everyone. So I went around and do the best that I could and managed to get some numbers. I thought it was an major accomplishment, but actually it was because everyone was giving out numbers. Then once I try to follow up I was flat out rejected over and over again.

I've gotten text message from girls telling me that I suck. Girls telling me Im not fun and a creep.

Nobody liked me when the first two years of college part to do with the fact that I am horrible at first impressions. Nobody gave me a call or text to hang out or go to parties. Some people thought I was a legit psychopath. Made me hate people in general because it hurt to be treated like that.

That shit hurts, especially at that age.

Here's what I did. I went for the girls I considered not that good looking because I honestly thought they were the only girls I can even have a chance with. Sounds messed up but that was the direction i went with and more often than not, it just ended me feeling embarrassed or humiliated.

Not proud to admit this but I had to drink A LOT just to even build up the courage to go talk to a girl that I didn't find attractive. Failed again, again and again.

I suck at socializing so my option to improve was to face humiliation over and over again.

Things got better when my efforts start to bloom and I tried to improve on different aspect of myself as well. When you get good at something, people will notice, despite the reputation. It just going to take some time and going through some hard feelings over and over again.

You have to be willing to face failures and humiliation hundreds or even thousands of time but if you want to improve, you have to keep on going and keep on trying because along the way, even on a detour, you might learn or pickup something valuable.

Find somewhere where you can find some growth. Any hobbies you have or anything you are interested in? That was my key. I found a club of my interest and decided to dedicate improving at that club and I chose interacting with others in the club as secondary.

A place where I was able to feel the sense of accomplishment was the cornerstone and ultimately helped me keep on going.

This is just from my experience of what worked for me. Just my story, not much of an advise but more of what decision I chose and action I decided to take because that's all I can really offer.

But I believe that your willingness to face humiliation to accomplish what you want and keep on trying will eventually lead you somewhere good.

Good luck

exhibitionistcouplez · 2018-06-20T09:34:57+00:00

Use the internet more. Get in chat with girls in groups or one on one and just try to figure out conversation. Use whisper to just talk to random people. Use anything like that. Kik public chats. Anything. You need experience relating to people more than anything. It's gonna be different for you, but learning is essential and online is a good place for you to start.

You need actual one on one conversations with girls. Try different approaches. Try talking to them like normal. Try telling them you're socially awkward and learning. Stuff like that. Talk about different things.

No you probably can't. Once you get recognized, with your level of social skills, you probably can't. Venture outside your college environment.

Title	Dealing with a negative reputation in college
Author	LieutenantFartpoop
Upvotes	14
Comments	5
Date	June 19, 2018 12:29 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8s8gys/dealing_with_a_negative_reputation_in_college/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dealing-with-a-negative-reputation-in-college.1448456 https://theredarchive.com/post/1448456

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