So I wrote a post yesterday about how how Instagram can benefit your dating life and while it got a lot of excellent feedback, some people asked exactly how it could work. They wondered how on earth you could create an IG presence that makes women interested in you so that when you hit them up, they respond. Well with this in mind I’ve written an article which explains exactly that.

Now before we start I want to say that the goal is to use Instagram to convey things about your personality or lifestyle that are inherently attractive to women. This assumes that you already embody these traits to start with, and that means that if you don’t you’re going to have difficulties attracting girls either offline or online.

If you don’t embody the traits below then look into cultivating them within yourself ASAP. I’m a confidence coach so If you DM me I can help you, but there’s loads of other places you can go to so one way or another you can turn your situation around. But anyway; less of the bullshit, and let’s get crackalackin!

Firstly let’s look at the main traits that women are attracted to in men:

Leadership qualities

Passion

Preselection (being trusted by other women)

Confidence

Humour

Goals

Hobbies

Having a tender side

Now there might be one or two I’ve forgotten but this is basically the bedrock foundation for female attraction. Any man who embodies many or all of these traits will do very well in his sexual endeavours with the opposite sex. On the flip side, a man who embodies few or none of the above will have a sex life that’s as lush and fertile as the deepest point of the Sahara desert.

In any event, the key to using Instagram as a dating tool lies in conveying these qualities on your profile; but before we get started, let me say that Instagram currently let’s you post to one of 3 areas. I’ll list them below then explain what they’re used for.

1 - Your feed

2 - Your story

3 - Your IG TV

Posting to your feed

This is what people see when they first look at your profile. The images and videos here will stay until either you delete them or IG’s servers are blown up by a North Korean thermonuclear device. As a result; it’s best used for singular pieces of content that you want people to be able to see long term. FYI, as story posts are impermanent and IG TV hasn’t been around long enough for me to properly get to grips with it, all of the post examples in this article will come from my feed.

Posting to your story

Posts to your story have a 24 hour shelf life. They literally delete themselves after one day and because of that your story is best used to show what you’ve done that day. If you’re at a club, a park, having dinner with friends, or looking at animals at the zoo, you can use your IG story to tell a sequential tale of your activities.

Posting to your IG TV

IG TV is really new at the time of writing (less than a week old) so it’ll take a while before everyone knows how best to use it. It’s basically a way for people to upload videos that are longer than the standard 60 second limit and seems to be best used by people who use the platform to promote themselves. If you’re a personal trainer who gives out fitness advice, a confidence coach who’s doling out social tips, a philosopher who pontificates or maybe even a street dancer who likes to strut her funky stuff, then this might be a really good avenue for you. In any event; as IG TV is so new, it doesn’t factor into the advice I’m giving here so experiment with it at your own leisure.

Now let’s look at how Instagram can be used to display the various qualities that women find attractive. I’ll be using my own IG as a case study.

*Leadership qualities *

In the video below, I’m ranting about how people need to follow their own paths in life and be themselves 100%. No matter what you think of either it or me, I’m displaying leadership qualities here. I’m confidently speaking my world view and am not trying to fade into the crowd. How could you display leadership qualities on your profile?

A post which displays leadership qualities

Passion

Passion is exactly what it sounds like, passion. Anything that you really give a shit about and that moves you emotionally. In the example below I posted my honest thoughts about needing to work for a company that doesn’t take itself too seriously and allows its staff to let their hair down from time to time. This is genuinely something that I care about and not bullshit in any way, shape or form. I hate the idea of working a job I hate just to pay the bills and it shines through here. How could display your passions on your profile?

A post which demonstrates passion

Preselection (being trusted by other women)

It was my birthday a few weeks ago, and when I was out with my friend we decided to play a game where we’d try to get as many strangers as possible to wish me a happy birthday on camera. As you can see in the link below, lots of people actually did it including some pretty girls. Any girl who looks my IG and sees that video will realise I’m a social guy with female attention and will have more of a reason to feel attracted and comfortable around me. A massive thing women worry about is whether or not you’re going to either be physically abusive, mentally abusive, or just really boring to be around. Videos like this imply that I’m neither. How could you imply preselection on your profile?

A post which implies preselection

Confidence

I’m learning yoga at the moment and basically suck at it. I’m stiff as all hell and can’t do the postures properly. BUT; I’m happy to have everyone who knows me watch me suck at something, and it’s evident from my posts that I know I’ll eventually get better. That’s confidence.

A post which displays confidence

The video below is one I made about the mindset I get into when I’m at the gym. The drive and passion I need to tap into in order to dig deep and get the damn workout done. Whether or not you think it’s a dumb video or an amazing one, it takes confidence to put yourself out there like that. How could you display confidence on your profile?

A post which displays confidence

Humour

I do a series of IG videos called ‘Conversations with my Dark Side’ which is exactly what it sounds like, me having a conversation with the part of myself that’s hateful, judgemental, insecure and fearful. People tell me that as well as being quite poignant to listen to, they’re actually quite funny. Apparently they show that I don’t take myself too seriously which I guess is true. How can you show your funny side on your profile?

A post which shows my sense of humour

Goals

I’ve recently written and released a book (Death of the Ego, available on Amazon) and I’ve made a few videos talking about it. They inadvertently show that I’m a man with goals he wants to achieve which is exactly what I am because I’ve always wanted to write a novel that touched the hearts of people worldwide. My book was a huge labour of love and I want as many people as possible to experience it, not for the money I’d make but for the satisfaction I’d get from temporarily pulling them out of their normal day to day lives. What are your goals and how could you display them on your IG profile?

A post about my goals

Hobbies

I’m massively into video games and always have been. They’re a huge passion of mine and basically the biggest hobby I’ve ever had. I post about both them and superheroes with complete confidence and zero regard for how geeky someone might think they are. I’m giving people a window into my heart by sharing this fanboy stuff and it makes me seem like more of a real person. What hobbies and interests could you share on your profile?

A post about my video gaming hobby

Having a tender side

I’ve got 3 nieces who I absolutely love to death and would die for at a moments’ notice. Whenever I see them I always take pictures and a side effect of doing so is that people get to see my tender side. The fact is that any woman who was worried I might be a rapist/stalker/whatever would have some of her fears alleviated by seeing my post pictures of my lovely nieces. What’s your tender side?

A post of my lovely niece

In closing

I know a lot of you are going to have a problem with what you’ve just read.

You might think that what you just saw would was rubbish and don’t know how on earth anyone would be interested in me based on it. All I have to say is fair enough if that’s your opinion but the fact is that I do OK for myself with my IG and have people of both genders reaching out to me socially.

You might also think that displaying the characteristics I mentioned would be very difficult for a lot of people to do, given where they’re at in life and I totally agree with you because not everyone has these traits. But here’s the thing:

I’m not here to give you a dating cheat code that will create immediate success for anyone because such a thing doesn’t exist. What I am here to do is giving you the rundown of what is proven to work on social media.

Also; as I said at the start of this post, the traits you need to be attractive on social media are exactly those that you need to be attractive in the real world. If you don’t have these traits (or are perceived to not have them) then you’re going to struggle when it comes to attracting women period. I started off as a guy who had no clue and who no girl ever wanted to be with, so I know how some of you are feeling right now. The truth is that through hard work, discipline and self belief I managed to turn my situation around and you can too. Believe me. Ultimately it’s not about social media but about your life of which your IG is just a tiny element.

If you don’t have a circle of friends who you could feature on your Instagram then you need to go out, be more social, and meet likeminded people, not for ‘The Gram’ but for the sake of your own social and dating experiences.

If you have no hobbies and passions, you’re simply going to be less interesting to women than a man who does. Fact.

If you don’t possess leadership qualities, and don’t want to cultivate them then that’s fine but realise that men who do will be more attractive to the women you desire than you ever will. And once you’ve made that realisation then be happy with where you’re at.

If you lack confidence and take yourself too seriously then you’re gonna have a hell of a time trying to convince high quality women to give you the time of day, so if you want your situation to change you’ve got to work on yourself.

I could go on and on but I think you get the point. Ultimately you need to work on yourself as a human being to become the best man that you can be and the more you do that, then the more dating opportunities will open up for you, either on or off ‘The Gram’.

Also; let’s say that you have 1, 2, 3 or 4 of these traits but not the rest, well that’s still better than nothing. You can still incorporate them into your posts (and general lifestyle) to do a better job at attracting the women you want than you’re currently doing. And all the while you can be developing the traits that you don’t currently have to make you more attractive in future.

Also I want you to realise that at no point did I say anything about showing off your abs or physical appearance. Being a guy means that what you look like isn’t really that important. What is important is who you are as a person and this means that a picture or video of you exercising or even cutting down a tree is way more powerful than a shot of your checking your abs in the mirror. Exercising implies strength, drive, focus, and power while the ab selfie just implies naught but vanity and clean eating.

And before you check me for being a hypocrite, yes I do have literally one or two topless shots on my profile but they were made purely to measure my weekly progress during a fitness challenge I recently did in which I was trying to lower my bodyfat. The women I’m interested in and who I attract would find it distasteful in the extreme if I did the bragging shots that most equate with IG posts.

Also, another thing that needs to be said is that creating an attractive Instagram isn’t something you can do overnight it’ll take time to build as you slowly figure out how best to showcase your personality to the world. Also; in yesterday’s post I spoke about women who rejected me but slowly came around after following me on IG, but that wasn’t a switch that was flipped after them seeing one post, they had to follow me for weeks and months for that to happen. This is a long term strategy and not a short term fix.

Anyway; if anything you’ve read resonates with you and you think you need a coach to help turn you into the best possible version of yourself either on or off ‘The Gram’ then shoot me a DM or email Ciaran at Ciaran Callam dot com and let’s talk. I offer in person and Skype coaching sessions where we’ll look closely at where you are right now, where you want to be in the future, and plot out a path to get you there as quickly as possible. I know how you feel because I’ve been there myself and I promise you that it can turn your situation around.