So I am in my mid 30s and work for a large multinational conglomerate in a relatively senior role. US based.

For the last year and a half, been having an affair with a younger female colleague; she is mid 20s, UK based. It started about a month after she joined the company.

We’re both part of the main sales section so roughly every six weeks would be on site in some different continent, different city. A week of shenanigans then home.

When we first hooked up she was extremely sexually inexperienced and was kind of upset about that. So over the 18 months, she learned a lot from me sexually and that was part of the whole dynamic between us. And it's been great.

About a month back, she said to me that she had gone “official” with a guy she had been dating for months and months back home and could now no longer do anything with me
(despite me being also “official” with someone the whole time we were at it, and her knowing about this*)

This is her first serious boyfriend and she is absolutely stoked, he asked her to go official and she's head over heels about it

On a rational level I realize she is playing it the right way if she wants to be serious with this guy. But I cannot deny that I was kinda hurt that she just dropped it on me like that, and did not seem in the least cut up about it, especially as just a couple of weeks prior she had put some of our best sex ever on me in a hotel.

(In the run up to that, our texting had changed tone in a way that made me think she was cooling off or seeing someone, but there was no sense of that when we met in person in the hotel. We were at it as usual. But then a couple weeks later she told me it was off, over.)

I’ve been pretty bummed out about it but I can’t decide if I am right to be or not. It was a thing, then she called time on it, she didn’t feel like cheating on her guy now they are “official” , the end.

The thing is we still have to work closely together on a near daily basis and still will cross paths at these away weeks every 4-6 weeks - we did so last week and I ended up getting drunk and having a cringy emotional breakdown about it making her cry and run away.

I’m just not sure how to act. I don’t want to be childish but also we’ve been super close the whole time (actually it’s a good thing it ended), I’ve been her main supporter and shoulder to lean on a lot of the time.

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I don't want to shut the door on us ever going back at it; I guess the thing is just accept it and carry on as normal minus the sex?

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I don’t even know what I’m asking here; I am bummed its over. I already miss her like crazy. But obviously we were never going to be together in any long term way so it is what it is I guess.

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tl;dr - international work affair ended, i didnt want it to. Is she gone forever?