I met a girl traveling abroad, ended up hitting it off with her like I haven’t with other girls and lost my virginity to her (28/m). She doesn’t know that I was a virgin. We spent 2 weeks traveling together and both really fell for each other. She works abroad and I’m still traveling and we won’t be able to see each other for 3 months, but we said we would reunite then if we felt the same.

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We both assumed we were in a honeymoon phase so played it by ear not making any outlandish proposals. We talked to each other daily but it’s been over a month now and we both still feel a lot for each other and spend hours a day FaceTiming with each other (including Skype sex). For me I’m conflicted because I know she’s who I lost my virginity too so I’m trying to be rational about it, but at the same time I really do like her as a person and could see a future with her. She sees the same in me.

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She really does love me and has told me she lately doesn’t feel comfortable going to bars or talking to other guys because she feels a lot for me and just isn’t interested in anyone else. She recently asked me if I feel the same and it’s true, I don’t really look at other girls the same way anymore, but I have a nagging anxiety that I should experience other girls in the time we are apart just to make sure. I have been in quasi-relationships with some girls before (emotional/kissing) but just never bedded them.

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She had an emotional talk with me yesterday asking how I felt about our relationship and said she wants me to be her boyfriend if I feel the same way about her. I am so bad at these types of talks but I also do care about her so I agreed. Half of me wants to be in a relationship with her and the anxious/scared part doesn’t. Yet. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I want to _try_ to fuck around a bit to make sure while still being emotionally connected to her. We both joke we have been acting like a couple so far anyway.

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I feel like I’m in a jail though, this is the first time I’ve been in a real relationship and also my anxieties about not having experience are really acting up. She has had relationships before (but been cheated on and has been hurt by it) and is very cute so has her pick of guys that she has had casual flings with. It really makes me feel self-conscious when she hints at that.

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I don’t want to be a bad guy, I’m definitely not going to cheat on her if she wants to be in an exclusive relationship. She has kind of picked up on the fact that I don’t really seem comfortable being committed though and has told me we don’t have to do this. I just don’t know what to think. Even if we do an "open relationship" she has said she doesn't feel the same towards other guys now.

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Do you guys have any advice for me? I know I have to have a real talk with her and open up about things if I want a real long-term stable relationship with her anyway, and I think she would be understanding because she really is a great gal. I just don’t want to ruin things between us, but I also want to do right. I’ve had a lot of emotional trauma/depression in the past and have honestly gotten better myself over the past few years.

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Things that make me feel hopeful:

  • She is beautiful and we connected on a level I have never felt before. We have chemistry.
  • She actually does love me and makes it known to me.
  • We plan for the future but both understand it might not work out, we talk rationally with each other.

Things I'm feeling anxious about :

  • Lost my virginity late to her and feel like I'll be judged because of it. Wondering if I should bring it up with her.
  • Don't know if the feelings I feel for her are because of this.
  • She want's us to be in a relationship now that she knows she has fallen for me but we are LDR for a couple of months still. We plan to meet each other then though.
  • I have a nagging anxiety that I am settling down for the first girl who had sex with me, and wonder if I should still play the field and see if I'm just building her up in my head.

TLDR;  I (28m) met a great girl I instantly connected with and lost my virginity to her. We won’t be able to see each other again for 3 months but have been in constant communication (including online sex) and we are both unsure about our relationship. I have nagging anxiety about having no previous experience and she loves me to the point where she is basically committed to me mentally right now. She’s asked me to be her boyfriend which on one hand I do want to try when we meet each other again, but I also feel like I need to be free to try to experience other people before potentially settling down with her.

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Thanks for any advice you guys might be able to give me, sorry for the jumble of words. If there are any follow up answers/questions I will gladly give more info. I just need a sounding board I think.