I keep running into this problem where women are nice and friendly and we can really vibe, but when I start to make it clear I'm interested in them sexually they pull away big time.

recyclablebanthas · 2019-01-02T12:26:06+00:00

1

I keep running into this problem where women are nice and friendly and we can really vibe, but when I start to make it clear I'm interested in them sexually they pull away big time.

You're almost all the way there. If you can connect in a friendship way, that's honestly the hardest part in some ways. It requires some ability to listen and take what other people want into account. That's half the battle.

The other half is being able to express what you want (non-verbally) while balancing the first half.

2

I don't get this. Everything will be going well and I'll feel a good connection. Girl is giggling like crazy having fun, but when I start to engage in light kino or look into their eyes, tell them they're pretty, etc., they pull away pretty hard. I've worked with waiting a little bit to escalate or doing it right away and the same thing keeps happening.

What do you consider "light kino?" What are you actually doing?
Telling them they are pretty, isn't escalating properly. It's probably coming off forced and contrived.
Looking into someone's eyes can be helpful, but if you're not doing it right, it can come off creepy. Moving your gaze from one eye, to the other, to her mouth, and back to the first eye (rinse and repeat), can be helpful. Don't just stare into her eyes. Change it up.

3

The only two responses I've gotten about this is them telling me they don't like me like that but I'm really fun to be around

Not bad. This would indicate that you connected but passion wasn't in the cards, so you had a good test run and a friend who might be a good social contact who has friends who might be up for it. Don't burn this bridge.

4

.....and women thinking I'm gay.....and knowing I'm bi it changes.

It's not a problem, technically, to be mistaken for gay, but it shouldn't be happening when you're actually interested in them.

If people you're not interested, whether women or men, are mistaking you for gay, that's not an issue. If someone you are interested in, is thinking this, then you've failed somewhere. The ones you're interested in should be VERY clear on your interest. You're basically seeing girls here who are SO very lost on where you're at, that they think you're into men, not into them.

You're unintentionally pulling a bait and switch on them, presenting to them as someone who doesn't have the slightest bit of sexual interest in them, and then pulling out the rug from under them after they have settled in to a physically comfortable interaction with someone they think is just a friend. It changes significantly because it's coming out of left-field to them and it's feeling like an invasion of privacy and intimacy.

5

I hate the term friend zone but it's like I'm getting friend zoned in seconds.

There's no reason to hate this term. It's like saying you like the term, "hungry." Friend-zone describes a situation where one person has unrequited interest in another person. That's it.

That said, this situation is misunderstood. It's not really something that the person without interest DOES to the one who's interested. What is really happening is that the person who's interested is finding out that the other person isn't interested.

And often the drama comes into play because the one who's interested sometimes takes so much of their sweet time failing to muster the courage to make a real move, that person they're interested in, loses any interest they may have had.

6

......a lot of the stuff I read tells me that if I get to the point where I'm the most enjoyable part of a girl's night that they're way more likely to be interested but for me this doesn't work at all...

Who actually wrote that? It's not actionable advice, if that's what the actual tip was. In fact, it is pretty much bullshit that you shouldn't be trying to base anything on.

You don't find out if a girl is interested, by TRYING to be the most "enjoyable part of her night." Trying to be entertaining, isn't attractive. TRYING to be anything in particular isn't attractive.

Maybe you misunderstood what was written?

7

Form my point of view this is because you have to be state your sexual interest since the beginning.

This is a rookie mistake. Escalation is physical. It's touch. It's not words. The best way to make your likelihood of having sex go into the gutter, is to "state your sexual interest from the beginning."

Even if she is interested at first, if you SAY you want sex or something to that effect, suddenly everything will be awkward, unnatural, and contrived. Which ironically, makes things way more difficult.

Sex can be more overtly talked about, but it's a REALLY advanced art, if anything. It's not required. It's not part of the basic foundation. AT all.

8

Ironically I'd say one of my strong suits is that I'm able to get sexual with women and it doesn't put them off. Like I'll make some dirty jokes and they laugh, etc.

If you're making a habit of "getting sexual" with your words, that is likely shooting you in the foot.

Being too blatantly sexual verbally is a great way to come off desperate or to unintentionally release the tension. There's something about being able to navigate a conversation with innuendo that's FAR more effective than blurting something sexual out directly.

If innuendo isn't your strong suit, don't sweat it. Sex isn't a required conversation topic anyway. It's better to raise the tension by escalating physically, subtly, while veering away from sexual topics.

goodlookingrpiller · 2019-01-01T23:56:23+00:00

Form my point of view this is because you have to be state your sexual interest since the beginning. At least this is what have worked for me the best because they see you as a sexual and direct men that goes after what he wants . If you do this they won't put you in the friend zone.

Happy new year!!

injesterstrust · 2019-01-02T11:41:48+00:00

I'd like to hear some other replies as i'm interested in this too, but in my opinion, and I hate to say it, it's just because you aren't her type lookswise :( I've been there myself tonnes of times as someone who knows 'game' but is kinda ugly.

I can open, have a laugh, be flirty and self amuse, have rock solid eye contact, pass her shit tests, pushpull, demonstrate confidence bla bla bla, but the second I show some intent and she knows that this isn't just platonic, I'll get shut down.

And as the other guy said, being direct isn't a fix for this. This will just mean you get an instant rejection instead of one 5 mins or an hour in lol

I honestly don't think 'game' can make a girl want you sexually. That is something that takes place on some level in her brain from the moment she looks at you and rates you physically

Someone told me 'game' is about amplifying existing attraction and not creating it, and i'm starting to think he's right. Sucks lol

Dilpil01 · 2019-01-02T07:29:19+00:00

Dont be too nice up front. Sounds like you're getting friendzoned

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